Auld Lang Syne
by WildeLark
Summary: "We two have paddled in the stream/from morning sun till dine/But seas between us broad have roared/since days gone by." (Robert Burns, Auld Lang Syne) A Ben/Kylo x OC story. Pre/During FTA.
1. Preface

_"We two have paddled in the stream;  
From morning sun till dine_  
 _But seas between us broad have roared,_  
 _Since days gone by."_

 _\- Robert Burns, Auld Lang Syne_

The Jedi and The Sith are not the only orders in the universe who use and study The Force. Others include the Force Priestesses, The Nightsisters of Dothomir, and the Dagoyan Masters of Bardotta – all take different paths, all see the galaxy through different eyes. All of them use The Force, all of them know it's ways.

There is a little moon past the outer rim named Skye. It is rocky, wild, filled with windswept cliff faces and chilled dark lakes. It is a world of untamed beauty, and a place where The Force is worshiped as light in the winter sky. Legends say it is a spirit trapped between worlds, never touching the heavens or land. It rings out in purples, blues, and greens, colors complimented by the red of the sun setting and the hazy yellow of its rising.

Occasionally The Force touched members of this world, reaching down from its trapped point to breathe a different life into those on the surface; humans were granted its gift and brought up in a way the Jedi might call _grey._ They were not taught of the light and dark side; such distinctions were thought to encourage confusion and division. Instead individuals were practiced in the way of balance – walking a tightrope and appreciating the diversity of what was _light_ and what was not. Half their year was spent in the night, the other half under a midnight sun; learning to live and find beauty between both and in the blur between was talent possessed by those of Skye.

Now the folk there were a kind bunch, their eyes always bright and their cheeks always a little red thanks to years in the wind. They possessed a pale flesh where the veins of their wrists could be seen beneath their skin and they burned easily on planets with a harsher sun. Yet despite a soft tone to their bodies they were hard; a land of survivors with eyes the color of a stormy sea day and appreciation for the beauty of their crisp and often cold life.

They were a people of music and stories. A people of laughter, of good food, old traditions, and aged alcohol. They were cautious of strangers but welcoming to all new friends, and they had a tale for every star in their sky and every cove of their seas.

Amongst them was a young girl with The Force. She joined a handful of peers, many older than she, and trained with an old man and his wife. Her days were filled with fishing, hiking, hunting, of fighting with modern weapons whilst learning to master traditional duel blades. They started with wood, then metal, and then with lightsabers that were not her own. She would make hers during _The Gathering,_ a tradition held to by Jedi and believed in by those of Skye. Their rituals differed, but the results were often the same. She and her peers would have to find their own crystals and craft their own blades.

Such a thing was many years off. There was much to learn, and far too much to meditate upon. The students would sit in a line upon a cliff face, their eyes out to sea as the wind lashed long grass upon their backs as salt spray stuck to their front. There they had to find The Force. There they had their first anchor to it. They would meditate together – the old man and his wife between them, the children on either side.

The girl had the eyes of her people, and hair that sat like a dark forest upon her back. She was easily distracted, prone to taking a path of adventure that was not well thought out. Still so young. So, so young.

She had skill with The Force, as many of her people touched by it did. They were fierce and their ancestors had been fighting in their mountains long before they knew of The Force. They had the blood of their people, and the gaze of the stars.

And all of them lived in a world of peace, far from the wars that had torn the universe open; until the universe came to them.


	2. Chapter 1

Ailsa was a child of one of the largest clans on Skye. Her family orchestrated a great deal of technological advancement for the planet and held trade deals with the rest of the galaxy together. Their little rock in space was profitable, and it's little cities and windswept towns flourished.

The economic viability of the place was offset by the hardness of many of the clan leaders – their grim faces and difficult dealings driving many shady characters away from Skye. Only the good remained; only those who the people themselves would come to for trade when their own were not available. This meant that their port, though small, offered a high quality repair service. Many craft whizzed in and out, some clunking on arrive before leaving in silence, others tattered and torn before flying out with a brand new sheen. The training of the Force Sensitive children happened far from this port, but for two weeks in summer the children were sent home to their families. Their system was not in the business of removing family and attachment from ability; family, clans, the life of a unit was the core of Skye's power. It brought great loyalty, great joy, and great love.

"Ailsa was barely seven when she had her first trip home. She'd been gone for half a year and was tired. She slept a lot before chatting brightly to all who would listen of her training. Such animated adventure slipped from her voice, her eyes alight with curiosity and mischief. She was so young, so sweet, so innocent. And she wanted her life to be full of stories – to never run out.

"Be wary, Ailsa." The elders would say to her. "Good stories are never without hardship."

She would nod as if she knew what that meant. Hardship to a child of seven was impossible to comprehend. The group of children who had been training was small. There were only 4 of them, and the other 3 were far older than the girl. She had been lonely. Ailsa's old friends had spent time with her, but she was now a Force user, and that meant she was different – she was not just a little girl anymore. So when a man with a dark mop of hair and a crooked smile entered the port her curiosity spiked. Not for the man, nor his tall Wookie friend, but for the boy they travelled with who seemed not much older than herself.

He had the force, that much was obvious about him. In the six months she had been training, Ailsa had learned to feel it. She was no master, and still her touch was clumsy and rough, but they felt the same. Her little grey eyes watched from behind her father's great form. The boy seemed to watch her with the same gaze, both of their smiles awkward and shy, both not having grown into their own expressions just yet. She was all eyes and limbs, he was all ears and nose, and both wore grins that seemed far too large.

The ship they came on was very damaged; a father-son adventure before he was sent to train with the Jedi had gone awry when an asteroid field had 'ventured into their path' (or so it had been described). It would take a few days to repair the vessel, and the father and his Wookie friend offered their hands on other tasks to help accommodate the cost.

They were brought into the home of Ailsa's clan; one house in a circle of many around a great fireplace. The women brought them cooked food, the men brought them firewood and blankets. Little Ailsa brought her mischief, arriving at their place with a kite. As soon as the boy opened the door she grabbed his hand, dragging him over the threshold and leading him up the hill.

"I'm Ailsa." She said it so simply, as if such a thing were assumed. "What's your name?"

Still running behind her, hand caught in hers, he replied. "Ben. Ben Solo...I do not think that I can pronounce your last name."

His tone held the same mischief as her eyes, his fingers closing on her palm as he took over on the pace. They ran to a field not far from their homes, the sun high and the breeze full of salt.

"You have The Force?" He asked, his height a full head above hers. "Do you have Jedi here?"

"We do not have Jedi here." Ailsa's reply came brightly, breath a little behind her words. "We do have some who are Force Sensitive."

"If you do not have Jedi, what do you have?"

"We call them the _Abhainn._ " Such a word referred to the mountain streams that carried water towards the Lochs and the sea. It was a flow from the heavens toward the earth, a movement of energy, and an encapsulation of what the people of Skye believed about The Force. To the common tongue they were simplyr referred to as _Skylanders_ or even _The Grey_ after the colour of their sea."We don't train in the Light or the Dark."

Ben's brows knit together. "Then what do you train in?"  
""The Force." Ailsa laughed a little at his expression and at the difficulty Ben had at comprehending such a simple reply. To her The Force was an expression of life; a religion of light and dark and grey. You had to accept it all in order to master it. That is what she had been taught; that is what she knew. "Do you want to fly my kite?" The little girl asked, dark hair whipping around in the wind. "My mentor made it."  
It was a circular kite made of silk and yarn with no string to tie it down; a training item for young people who were learning of The Force. They had to use their ability to set the kite into the sky, and then focus to keep it there and move it with the wind or keep it against the breeze. Ailsa explained this carefully to Ben who took the object with gusto. He was skilled with his abilities, his guidance under Skywalker having benefited him greatly.

Together the pair ran through the field all afternoon, tossing the kite between their powers, circling it around trees before finally getting it stuck and having to climb up to fetch it. They returned to the ground with scraped knees and dirty hands, their hair a mess atop each of their heads and their cheeks flushed with the sun. They were just children playing in the universe; just a pair of mischief-makers trying to keep a disk of yellow silk in the air and hang it in the sky like the sun. The wind pushed against them, a natural and invisible enemy that they fought together as the light began to fade.

After many hours they came to sit side-by-side on a crumbling stone-wall, the kite held above their head by the long fingers and the Force of Ben Solo. He spun the object this way and that, it's lightness making it hard to control in a field beside the sea. Ailsa had pulled some blackberries from a nearby bush and both of them soon wore stained fingers and tongues, laughing at each other as each attempted to the other's cheek or arm with berry juice. It was so simple. It was such a beautiful afternoon. Han Solo stood at the window of the house they were given, smiling as he saw his son enjoying the pleasures of childhood. Ailsa's father did the same thing, but his smile was in the comfort of knowing that his daughter was no longer so alone on their planet – that she knew she had a friend.  
They were friends indeed, Ben and Ailsa. In the moment when she had taken his hand they had become the best of each other. Best friends, best companions, the best person to argue with about who would take the blame for a blueberry stain on a white blouse… They both had mud under their nails and cuts on their legs, and both had spent so much time laughing.  
Finally they came home. Ben's clothes had to be given to Ailsa's mother to get the grass stains out, and both got in trouble for the mess they had made. Both were sent out in darker hues the next day – her in navy, he in brown. They explored the streams near the port, climbing up into the mountain to view the small city from up high. They took the kite and lost it, finding it only the next day as they adventured up a similar route.

Ailsa took Ben swimming in the sea, telling him the stories of Kelpies and Selkies as they went. She told him the tale of each mountain, of the magic in each stream. They sat lay on great rocks after swimming to dry in the sun, their skin chilled by water and heated by the day all at once. He would find long pieces of seaweed and throw them at her, and she would yell at him in reply. They fought over who got the biggest piece of cake and ended up splitting both pieces in half to make sure it was fair. They climbed cliff faces, walked mountain paths, and wandered barefoot through icy streams. Ben tried to climb aboard some of the farming animals, big hairy four legged things with three twisted horns. They were docile and he could not make them move. He and Ailsa had lunch upon the back of one such beast, facing each other as the herd wandered across hills of Skye.

Oh, it was good. It was good to be young and it was good to be free. It was good to have such a thing as a 'best friend' and know that they would tease you and love you and fight beside you whenever the time was right. Gender did not matter, neither did politics, religion, or any other matter relating to such things. They were children; they played and they knew each other. They did not suffer the insecurity of adult vulnerability, and they did not care for it at all.

The friendship was tightly bound, wrapped up on stony beaches and bare hillsides. Each child slept soundly at night, both with a smile. Their parents heard them chatter one each night about their adventures, and the adults had to put up with the little pair constantly playing even at evening gatherings. They ate side by side, they argued with each other, and for every waking moment they were inseparable. He'd prank her with The Force. She'd tell him scary stories about the creatures that supposedly lurked in the waters of Skye. The adults would have to carry them off, both usually fast asleep by the time it came to part.

Yet, such things cannot last long. Before a fortnight had passed, the Millennium Falcon was repaired and paid for with the work of Han and Chewbacca. They had to go – Ben's mother was not impressed at their gallivanting. Ailsa went to their house one last time, dragging Ben from the door once more and rushing with him up the cliffs. From there you could see the ocean of Skye, you could see two small moons glowing vaguely against a blue sky. She gave him the kite with a silent smile, the kite and a bag of blueberries.

"Write to me." Ailsa said simply. "I want to know how you get trained; I want to be sure I am better than you when we meet again."

He laughed out loud. "You will never be better than me. I have Luke Skywalker training me after all."

She shoved him playfully before looking out to sea. "You said you would miss your parents. Maybe you could train here – I get to see my parents. You could see me."

"I want to be Jedi." Ben answered honestly, his small anxieties about leaving for the Jedi Temple known to her heart. "Leaving is part of it."

"You'll have to leave me behind too."

"Yeah."

It was silent for a long moment. "I'll miss you, Ben." Ailsa had not let his hand go since they left the house. It was not romantic, but it was love. She loved this boy as a child loves their friend. She held onto him as a puzzle piece might hold onto its image.

"I know." He replied before looking at her. He would miss her too.

Ben Solo left the planet of Skye with his father and his adoptive uncle Chewie. He left for a system far from hers, and for a training regime that held different beliefs despite utilizing the same Force. Ailsa went back to her teachings; she went back to her training knowing that somewhere, many light-years away, he was learning of the same Force as she. The girl did not find a friend like him as she grew, and he did not find one to match what she had been. They wrote, talked when they could, grew up whilst remaining the child the other had so fondly known. They were friends, the truest friends they would ever know. It was a bond not unlike that between Chewie and Han; an everlasting link that was not affected by time or space. Children can form such bonds - they have that talent. It is rare in grownups, but it is something they never forget.

Despite the talk and letters, it would be many years before Ben and Ailsa saw each other again - and the little yellow kite would never make it back to Skye.


	3. Chapter 2

Many years passed since Ailsa made her first true friend. She thought of Ben often, and she wrote him even more. The universe was large, but messages were easy to send. Ben's mentor and uncle, Luke Skywalker was not overly impressed with the secrecy of such correspondence but friendship was not discouraged. He was glad that the young Jedi had someone with whom he could talk. Ben was easy to like; as he grew into himself he became more a man of passion than a boy of intense curiosity.

Ailsa grew too. She grew fast and into her features, but not quite into her limbs. She was always a little willowy, a little taller than the other girls, a little more likely to trip over legs that seemed to have a mind of their own. As she grew with The Force she grew in patience. The people of Skye taught a vastly different doctrine to that of the Jedi. To them The Force was part of who they were, part of their world and galaxy. It was a connection to all, and with it came everything. There was so much to learn, and none of it good nor evil. They were taught to, above all else, never use their power to harm another, but only to maintain balance.

Myths had come from the people of Skye of Grey Jedi – of a middle ground between light and dark that never considered itself to be anywhere between.

Ailsa spent her days with her people, with other Force Users and their aging mentors. Each individual was selected for a skill that they could use. They were called _Skylanders_ , a little guild that could be hired. A mercenary group to those of rough tongue, artisans to those who knew better. Ailsa was selected for stealth and reconnaissance, learning from an old man who looked as if he had been made of wire. Meditation became a leading part of her journey, as did Jar'Kai – the art of weilding duel lightsabers. She and her peers would go hunting, climbing, swimming – they used The Force in their day-to-day life, embracing it so completely that it felt like breathing. It was their life.

And yet, it was a lonely one. Despite being of use and not being as segregated in society as most Jedi seem to be, they were not very well understood. Ailsa had a few friends, and she had sported a handful of crushes, yet nothing seemed to stick as well as it had with that boy and the yellow kite.

He was growing as fast as she by the sounds of his correspondence. He was powerful with The Force; his bloodline assured it and his talent enhanced it. He boasted many a skill; his accuracy with The Force surprising even Skywalker. There were not many to teach after Order 66, and not many young ones with The Force to find. Even on Skye the pupils ranged dramatically in age and ability, with most of the older students moving on into the universe as the younger were guided by elders whose bones were no longer able to keep up with the wind and the enthusiasm of youth.

Thus it came to pass that Ailsa was sent to the Jedi Temple. Luke Skywalker knew of the girl from Ben, and he extended his hand for her to come and learn. In return she would bring the knowledge of her way with The Force, and perhaps even help open a new method and range of skills for the young padawans.

The brunette landed with a supply drop, the air around her feeling hot and damp compared to the breeze of Skye. The trees grew closer, and the wind smelled of freshwater and pine, not of salt and rain and sea-grass. She was greeted by the leader, by Skywalker himself. The welcome was warm and so kind, so positive and light. He seemed to glow the same colour that his lightsaber did; a blue that inspired and brought hope all at once. Ailsa liked him immediately and was open with her thanks for his care.

"The teachers on Skye are…" Her gaze flitted up to Luke, words hanging as she tried to find a structure without insult "The teachers on Skye are aging. The knowledge of The Force is waning with them."

"I fear such knowledge has waned throughout the universe." Was the measured reply, his robes so typical of the Jedi and his eyes piercing – the colour of a clear day and incredibly telling. He had stories in him, that much she could feel. That much she loved about him already.

"You have knowledge though, and you have a great deal of life in your bones." Ailsa mentioned, little smile crooked.

"Yes." Luke laughed. "Yes and no. You know a side to The Force that I do not. I should like to learn from you as I take you under my wing."

"I should like that." A pause, a slight teen awkwardness. "Is…does Ben know I am here?"

Skywalker let out a sigh before shaking his head. "If he had known he would have been here. I set him a task."

"May I interrupt it?"

Another laugh. Luke had been through such youth; he knew of the energy that puberty brought with it, and he knew of its brightness. He also knew that Ben could use a close friend. He was the nephew of the leader of the Jedi Temple, and a child to Leia Organa. Such titles bore a weight that saw his dearest connections draw thin.

"Yes. Please use a training saber – I do not wish any harm to either of you just yet."

Ailsa nodded, her bags left where they were as she followed the path that Luke set out before her. Ben Solo was doing as Luke himself had done many years prior – standing with a lightsaber, blinded by a helmet, as a floating droid shot sparks at him.

He was very skilled. The young woman watched him for a moment. He had the reflexes of a Jedi for sure, and he blocked even the fastest onslaught that the droid could bring. She could not see his face, but he wore the same airs about him; stubbornness, humor, mischief. Skywalker nodded the girl on, handing her a training weapon to match Ben Solo's before speaking to the boy.

"I'm sending in a partner, Ben."

He had barely registered the change in circumstance when Ailsa brought her weapon to his. The man stumbled back a step before striking back with a defensive blow. She reached out to him every time he tried to lift the helmet, laughing musically at his attempts and almost immediate frustration. Barely half a minute had passed before Ben pushed his opponent away with the Force and finally flung his blinders aside.

Before him stood the little girl his childish days remembered so fondly. She was taller, her hair was longer and waved by years of sea air. Her eyes were still grey, her smile still just a little crooked and worn by lips that were a breath too big.

She was sizing him up with her grin, gaze alight. He'd grown into his ears and his nose, but he still had some filling out to do. His shoulders sat a bit heavy on a still growing frame, his hands and feet still too large for the skeleton they had been set upon.

Time and space may have set them apart, but it took barely a moment for them to be together again. Ben wrapped Ailsa up in a hug as innocent as their childhood, her laugh fuller but still one he remembered.

"Did you know about this?" He called to his uncle, the girl half in a headlock, half in an embrace. Lightsabers lay on the ground, discarded and forgotten for the moment.

Luke nodded and had to smile as Ailsa pinched Ben to get loose before wrapping him a newer, more comfortable hug.

"You got so tall!" She exclaimed, finally holding him at arm's length to better survey their differences. "Same eyes though."

"Well, I don't think my eyes are going to change much." He chastised such an obvious observation. "I was not the only one to get tall. You must be a giant on Skye."

"Oh no, our giants are far bigger and far uglier than me."

"Bigger…sure. Uglier…"

She pinched him again, this time getting a decent response before he once again tried to put her in a headlock. They were so young and fresh, so eager. They stuck back together easily, as if they were made from the same cloth but had sat on opposite ends of the table for many years. Ben was the one to take her to her room; a small suite with a proper window to afford the breeze.

"I figure that you will not get cold in the room that gets the most wind." He mentioned as he leant on the doorframe, watching as girl set her bag down.

It was a simple room; plain with a single bed, a chair and table, and door to a shared bathroom that other female Jedi would share.

"It is so hot here!" Ailsa exclaimed. "Is it just me?"

"Yes. You'll acclimatize." Ben himself wore long pants and a long shirt with a vest. The material was light, but it was by no means designed for an immensely warm climate.

Ailsa, on the other hand – she owned clothes made of thick fabric to combat a chill. Fortunately the other _Skylanders_ had heard of her trip and many who had been abroad had brought her appropriate attire. Lighter pants, lighter boots, and a shirt that felt like air. She wore pale blues and creams, soft yellows; colours of the sky and of a winter sun.

"So – how long did you and my uncle plan this?" Ben sat upon her bed and promptly began to go through her bags, doing so as a friend might and not a stranger.

"A few weeks." Long fingers snatched a book off him, setting it on the bedside with a teasing glare. "I was told not to tell you – apparently you are easily distracted."

"I am." He confessed airily.

The brunette laughed. She had laughed more in the hour since her landing than she had in many weeks. Her form sat beside her friend's, her shoulder bumping his in a familiar way. They had been mere children when they parted, and they had grown through the voices of droids and across universal connections. Now they were together it felt as if they had not been apart. Such a bond had been formed by two little folk on a little planet lashed by the wind.

"I'm glad to be here." Ailsa confessed.

"I am glad too. I will admit that I needed a little light."

Such a statement did not raise concern in her. It was a saying, a little phrase, a passing sentence, a quiet compliment. "Beware this little light then, Ben Solo. I trained very differently to you – I think you'll find me a challenge."

"Tell that to my Uncle. You may put radical thoughts into my head."

"Radical thoughts? Oh – yes. I am made from wild folk. I could definitely make you a rebel."

"More so than I am?"

"Oh, don't pretend to be a badass. I know you still have that kite. I see in the background whenever you message me."

Ben shook his head humoredly as he rose. "You unpack. Get used to the heat. Pray I don't leave a womp-rat under your bed as a prank."

"You wouldn't dare." Already she wanted to check the room for such pranks, but then she remembered that he had not known she was coming and could not have prepared anything just yet. "Whatever you do – I will return it tenfold."

"I'll take you up on the challenge."

"Please don't."

"Want your kite back?"

"Brought my own." She pulled out a smaller disk, heavier this time and coloured grey. It was made to be harder to control and easier to lose. A training tool and a toy; mind games for those with The Force.

Ben rolled his eyes. "Find me at dinner. I'll show you around."

"How do I find you at dinner if I don't know my way around to get there?"

"If I cannot be a badass, then you cannot be a smartass – got it?"

"Yes sir."

"What did I just say?"

She threw him a lopsided grin and a promise to find him. Luke Skywalker waited for Ben in the hall, arms crossed and mind both glad and concerned. He had found his pupil a friend, but perhaps he had also invited trouble. Mischief ran in them both, as did youth; two such things made teaching hard. He would watch them carefully, and he would have to remind Ben Solo that he was on the path of The Jedi, not the path of Skye. Ailsa was here to learn – perhaps she would join them, but it was certain that her knowledge would help at least.

What else lay beyond that could only be seen with time, and with a great deal of patience. Training with The Force was one thing, training life beyond that was something entirely different.

* * *

A/N: Hi all. Finally thought I'd drop my voice in and say hello. I used to write a lot on Fanfiction and had a rather wonderful, supportive following. It feels good to be writing again after so long not doing it.

Please let me know if you are enjoying the story so far. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Drop me a review, say hello. I'd love to know if you're reading.

- _WL_.


	4. Chapter 3

The contrast between The Jedi and the way of The Abhainn was vast. Their study of The Force was so different. The Jedi were very formal; they had a strict code, a disciplinary system that worked within rigid lines. They became Jedi; they followed the path of light and went on to work as Jedi. Those who trained to become Skylanders ended up freelancing; they became mercenaries. Drifters. Their place in their own society was limited. They could become teachers for younger generations, but most of the time those with the Force bled off Skye and unto the universe.

Ailsa did not know what to think of Luke Skywalker and his methods. He had obviously been trained rigorously and spoke often of Yoda – the master who had taken him on in a time of need. He had his students running, doing handstands, balancing stones with The Force as they meditated upside down.

The girl could find no peace or connection to The Force in such a state, only a rigorous addition to her physical training. To meditate she needed to be in silence. On Skye she had sat in fields of long grass, peering over the edge of a cliff and out to the sea. The breeze, the motion, the brush of grass against her skin. Meditation was a time to look internally at her connection to The Force. Meditation to the Jedi was part of looking outwards, of connecting to the universe.

Yet Ailsa felt connected in all things; it was what they were taught training under the Abainn. Everything in their power flowed through the galaxy, everything they felt was part of everything else. It was only through embracing it all that they could achieve power, it was only through embracing it all that they could find balance.

The Jedi and The Sith were the opposite of that. They were light or dark, one or the other. The line between them was solid. They sought power on opposite sides of the same picture – or at least that was how Ailsa saw it.

She was explaining this to Ben when they finally had a moment together. The pair were perched high in a tree, legs dangling down, the scent of pine staining their clothes. They'd hidden from Skywalker and the younger students, clambering away for some peace and a moment when they wouldn't have to be asked to help with anything.

"Okay, so you don't think that _The Dark Side_ or _The Light Side_ are more powerful than each other?" Ben leant back against the trunk of the tree, eyes on the view ahead. The Temple was on an island in the middle of a lake on a planet made of mountains and freshwater. It was a beautiful, peaceful place. It offered the space to learn. It was a world away from the former Jedi Temple and the cityscape where Order 66 had seen so many Padawans killed at the hand of Anakin Skywalker.

"Hmm?" Ailsa blinked. "Well, history has shown us that The Dark Side wields great power, and that The Light Side had held peace in the universe for a great period before…"

She did not know if she could mention his grandfather; if she could mention what happened and how the fate of the universe had been tipped by one man and a great coup.

"So – how is what you do any better?" Ben turned his head, looking at the branch beside his to meet her eye. "Is this path of the Skylander any better?"

"The path of the Skylander." Ailsa repeated with a smile, half laughing, half teasing his wording. "I don't know. I don't know if it is any better. The universe does not know of us; they don't see us that often, they don't hear of us. We do what we do for balance, not to be known. We have no great order, we have no army…we just have a little learning center and a few old people who have felt The Force with such simplicity and power that they cannot help but teach it."

"Yes, but can they wield that power?"

"Did I not kick your ass this afternoon?"

"Oh! Oh, you kicked _my_ ass?" Ben laughed brightly. "You did nothing but cheat."

"Cheat? I did no such thing."

"You cheated. It was just hand to hand combat – NO use of The Force. You used The Force."

Ailsa paused and looked guilty for a moment. "Well…oh, come on, Ben. You were always going to beat me. You're bigger, you can reach further, and you've been training more intensively than I have been able to. The men on Skye learn how to fight as you do. The women become spies…what was I supposed to do?"

"Be quicker? I don't know. Not cheat?"

"You face-planted pretty hard." Ailsa laughed, reaching out to touch a new bruise that was forming on her friend's jaw. "I'm sorry. It is how I was taught. This is what I was seen as being good at. You are a fighter, you are built for it...I am..."

Ben swatted her hand away playfully. "You're a cheat. Did they seriously teach you to be a cheater on Skye?"

"No. No, we just…I guess it became instinctive. We were taught so much to do what we had to in order to maintain balance – even physically. Stay upright. Not fall over. Self preservation. Whatever."

He promptly shoved her hard, sending the young woman falling from her branch and scrambling for something on the way down. She hit the ground hard, winded for a long moment as Ben laughed above her. "Good instinct, Ailsa!" He called down. "You stayed upright for sure."

She cursed at him and rolled over onto her side, gasping for air before sitting and looking up at the young man. She scowled at him. Her bruises would be far better than the one on his jaw. "That was not okay! Agh. Ben!"

"As not okay as hitting me in the shins with The Force and making me faceplant?"

Ailsa sighed and threw a stone up at him, the rock falling far short of its mark. "Okay. Okay. Are we even then?"

Ben dropped down beside her, a hand offered to help his friend up to her feet. "We're even."

She drove the palm of her hand into his sternum, setting him as breathless as her. Both were half doubled over, chests aching from the lack of air. "Now." Ailsa breathed. "Now we are even. That hurt. You're an asshole."

He pulled pine needles from her hair before petting her shoulder. "Chin up, tough ass."

"I'm the smart ass. You're the tough ass."

"Are you saying you like my ass?"

"Ben, do you want me to like your ass?"

He was panting still, his chest feeling bruised, aching hard. "I don't know. I think I'd like anyone to like my ass."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She lifted her hands above her head, stretching her ribcage out. Her new clothes were marked with dirt and tree bark and dirt. A hand rested on her side, the ache drifting away. They were well into puberty; well on their way into discovering the future of their bodies and how they fit into them.

"You have a nice ass. Is that what you wanted to hear?" The girl looked up the tree. It was so different to the ones they'd climbed on Skye. On Skye the bark was smooth and pale, the leaves sparse. At the temple things were rough, the views more open, the water less angry, the sun warmer, the air softer.

"Thank you. I am glad you enjoy looking at my backside."

His smile was toothy, his hair a mess. She had to shove him teasingly, his figure stumbling back just as the horn from the Temple went off to signal the start of another class. Their opportunity to enjoy each other as friends was waning, and now they would have to discover one another as peers.

"Come on." Ben turned his back to her, offering a ride.

"What am I? Five?"

"Do you want it or-"

She was already on him, legs looped around his waist, arms above his shoulders. One hand messed his hair up even further, the other pointing down the path back. "Do I want a piggyback? Do you even know me?"

Ben laughed hard, the sound reverberating through his chest and into her. At such times things were as simple as they had been when they were children. At such times there was nothing expected of them. They were so raw.

It was perhaps the best thing she could teach him of her world. The rawness of the Skylander way with The Force is what set them apart. They were not afraid of their power, they did not shy from their link with the universe. They did not feel the need to organize a religion, to navigate light and dark. Some would call it rustic, others pagan, others heathen. They called it the way of The Abhainn – the flow of the river from lakeside to sea.

Luke Skywalker watched them coming up the hill, appearing from between the trees with his arms buried within the sleeves of his robes. A little figure stood beside him, her smile so obvious and her eyes so large behind her glasses. Maz Katana had come for the same reasons as Ailsa; she felt The Force in a different way. Skywalker needed all the help he could get, and Maz was a friend.

"Stop scowling, Luke." She spoke with such an even pace. "Why scowl a them?"

"You know why." He glanced down at the little figure. "You know the way of The Jedi."

"So do you, Skywalker. It did not stop your grandfather, and it did not stop you…"

He brushed off the last part of her statement, ignoring it completely. "Anakin's choice did not lead to a very good outcome."

"He did not know The Force as he should have."

"And how should he have known it?"

Maz pointed a long finger at the girl upon Ben's back. "Maybe like that. Maybe that one is onto something."

"You would say that. You are not a Jedi."

"Neither is she, but she can use The Force. She can feel it. Don't try to turn her into one of yours, Luke. She's not a Jedi."

"She's a Skylander, yes. Maybe it was a mistake to invite her."

"Was it? Ben's eyes have been dark lately. They had started to belong to someone else. They are light again with her. Can you see it?"

Luke let out a sigh and set a hand in a warm manner upon his friend's back. He said no more on the topic; there was no more to say. Skywalker was there to rebuild what his father had torn down. He was there for The Temple. He was there on the side of Light. Having a young woman there who wavered between and saw no good nor evil in such a balance…it felt dangerous. And yet, it also made him smile. Seeing Ben with the weight off his shoulders for a few moments each day was good too. He had always been the son of a General, the grandson of Vader. His family had a direct hand in the immediate past, and they played heavily into the future. His blood line was weighted, his fate on a knife edge, and the pressure immense.

Ailsa helped. Ailsa allowed him simplicity. She allowed him vulnerability. She gave him friendship.

Her training methods were helpful too. Her abilities in information gathering and spy work was far greater than what they knew. The Jedi were knights – they had lost their connection to other arts. Ailsa had not. She fought with her sabers, and she lived with a different set of skills. She was different, and yet so much the same.

She undertook all their challenges without complaint, took their classes, performed their moves. Perhaps Maz was right; perhaps she had something they could find good in. Perhaps they had something that they could utelise. Something they could use for Light. Ben had a lot of his grandfather in him; so much potential, so much potential to waver toward the Dark Side.

Skywalker headed down to meet his students with this in his mind. He watched as Ailsa showed the younger students how to use The Force to mask their footfalls, to make their motion more silent and their movement more fluid. She moved like water, sometimes still like the surface of a lake on a windless day, sometimes fast and powerful like a wild surf. The way she used her powers was like the ocean itself; sometimes calm, sometimes scary, and always changing and adapting.

That was perhaps the starkest contrast. The Jedi stood as mountains, as guardians. The Skylanders did not stand at all. They moved.

Ben watched her, his back still warm from her presence. This girl…her misshapen smile had followed him from childhood until that point. He had to teach her how to hold a stance to fight, how to be strong, how to be confident in battle.

She watched him back. Watched his eyes. He had such lovely eyes. Ailsa needed Ben to teach her what her people could not. She needed Skywalker and the Jedi. She needed The Force. Knowing such power and not being able to access it was a great shame. It was like learning the most beautiful thing in the universe before being shut off from it completely – you had to keep up with it. It was why The Force was so dangerous, so seductive in its flow.

It was why Luke worried for his nephew and why Ailsa looked up to him.

She taught them motions to feel The Force. Movements based off ancient Tai Chi, ones that the group could follow and feel together in harmony. She was taught how to fight with a blindfold; multiple droids firing little shocks at her as she tried to seek them out with the Force. Ben laughed at her constantly, teasing her whenever she leapt from a shock. She got hit a lot at first, but finally Skywalker stepped in. He had been hit a lot at first too. That was when Luke began to like her, it was when he remembered why she had been invited there in the first place. She could show them a side of The Force that strengthened their own, and teach them where her abilities failed and needed their path for strength. The Light Side was coming together through them whether she knew it or not.

The pair of friends took ten minutes each day on her first week to sit in the tree. It was all the time they had; the only window to just be friends. Sometimes they said nothing at all, sometimes they could not speak fast enough. Sometimes Ben would play with the new Kite she brought and they'd pass it up and around the branches of the tree. Whomever got it stuck had to climb up higher, often setting a new seat and precedent for the view. The view was one Ailsa began to love. All lakes and mountains covered in trees. It was lush and soft. It was a kind place. It was a quiet place.

He kissed her for the first time up on that tree. She had been mid story, focused on it so in depth that she did not notice anything until she felt his lips on hers, tasted his breath lingering through the air and mixing with her own. He'd kissed her at the end of that first week and smiled a new smile. Embarrassed, a bit shy. Both emotions she had never seen him wear. His hand went behind his neck, his ears still too big for his head. He ruined everything with that kiss. She ruined it further when she kissed him back; so unashamedly, so unchecked. They smiled against each other and knew that they were breaking the Jedi code. She knew she was pulling him from the path Luke wanted, the path his family saw him upon. She knew and he knew and neither stopped. They just…touched upon each other, mouth to mouth, breath to breath, and that was the beginning of the end of it.

Neither knew what it meant. They were young, they were learning. They were kissing in a tree before having to throw punches at each other and study a fate that ran in their blood and had come unchosen.

Neither mentioned the kiss again for a week to follow. Time caught up with them. They had been a fortnight together in Skye as children, standing on the cusp of their learning. They had been a fortnight together in The Temple, standing now together as they headed toward becoming apprentices to masters that did not yet exist.

Nothing changed. They teased, they sat beside each other at every meal, they even snuck out at night to look at the stars and speak of nothing except how awful the cantina meals were, and at how Maz Katana's gaze was the most intimidating thing about the temple.

Ben wanted to ask her about that day in the tree. He knew if he did that it would open the floodgates. She wanted him to ask. She was not able to bring it up herself. She wore a smile that went straight when she was embarrassed and he could read her like a book. Instead, her fingers found his and they just lay there. Just two people who knew each other without knowing why.

* * *

 _A/N: Hi all! Thank you for reading. I hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please let me know - all constructive criticism is welcome and I will try to reply to each review as soon as I can._  
 _I wanted to really explore Ben as a young man here. I always saw him as mischievous - a bit too much like his father. Ailsa helps remove the pressure of who he is in his blood; a Skywalker, the son of a General/Princess, the grandson of Darth Vader, and nephew to Luke Skywalker. It is a lot. Ailsa is not much at all really - sure she is from an important family on Skye but her value is measured to Ben in friendship, not in expectation. She is not a saviour, she did not come from a broken family, she is not wealthy or a leading power force. She's just Ailsa and that seems to be more than enough. I created her to explore the universe, not to change it in any way. I hope you are enjoying her.  
_


	5. Chapter 4

By the third week at The Temple Ailsa was fighting more like Jedi and less like a mercenary. She was beginning to realize the accuracy of her technique did not live up to the power of the Jedi. They had totally different skill sets and methods of discipline.

Yet, she was better at navigating landscapes than they were. Skywalker would send them out in teams, playing a training game of Capture the Droid. The little floating droid would whiz in and out of trees, creating obstacles as it went. Many of the padawans simply raced after it, throwing debris in its way or trying to go faster.

Ailsa found a high ground and let them work. It became a competition between her and Ben – whomever caught the Droid first got rights to claim victory and boast about it until the next event. This often lead to them fighting each other, which was entirely beyond the point.

This day the young woman sat perched on a low waterfall surrounded by trees. The noise disguised her from the droid, but it would still sense her heat. The young trainees were nearby, yelling at each other as they tried to coordinate a capture. Ailsa just listened, waiting for the little robot to whiz past. It shot by above the waterfall once, her lightsaber powering up causing it to twist and immediately retreat away through the water. The poor little thing did not detect the net through the falls, and soon Ailsa had bragging rights over Ben once more.

He was scowling at with his team. They now had to face the droid alone, blindfolded, and fend off its electric zapping.

Luke Skywalker was not impressed, however. Every time such a task was given to the group, the Skylander went out alone. Even if she had been part of the planning, if she had taken a role, or even if she had been part of a tactical approach – she always vanished. It was what they had taught her; to disappear until she had to strike. It was a hard habit to break, and one she did not see a problem with. She was not from an order, she was not part of a council. She was from Skye, and those who learned their way with The Force went off alone into the Universe, becoming part of it instead of sticking to a single cell.

Ben brought this up with her one night after they had snuck out. They were in their usual spot for star gazing, laying on damp pine needles and looking up at a galaxy that seemed far too big to be real.

"Do you just not like working with a team?" His head was turned to her, not the sky. "Is that it? Luke did tie two trainees together once to get them to work as a pair. Do we need to tie you to something?"

She scoffed, fingernails pressing together as she considered it. Having her abilities looked at with such scrutiny was not easy. "On Skye we…we have fighters. We have teams. But, they do not have The Force. The Force comes into individuals, not into units. It is seen as…something that can harm order. Skylanders and People of Skye are not the same."

"So they do not let you fight?"

"Not with them directly. If the time comes to defend the planet, those with The Force will do so from a distance. If they do a frontal assault it is separate, often on a different battlefield."

"But why? Surely a Jedi would help?"

Ailsa turned onto her side, looking Ben in the eye. She let out a low breath, thinking on how to phrase her next words. "We may help, but it goes against…the patriotism of the place. They feel that it deviates from the traditionalism of Skye. Stories say that The Force came to us as a curse, and that a hero managed to find the balance for us and teach it, passing the method down through each Force user. They feel that light and dark encourages…it encourages the dark side. We know that we are prone to the allure of power. We are not considered…pure."

Ben frowned at her, a small amount of anger rising in him. "They think lesser of you for having The Force?"

"They think differently. We are loved the same, we live in the same homes. Yet when it comes to matters of battle and work – we do so alone as not to cross our power into the stream of everyday life."

This did not make sense to the young man. He had grown up on tales of brave Jedi who helped benefit society. He learned of the Light Side and how it benefited the universe, how the Jedi Council had played a role in creating peace. To set such power aside because of how it deviated from a perceived natural order was unusual. It felt…awkward.

"Do you miss it?" His voice came quietly. "Do you miss Skye?"

"I miss the view." Ailsa smiled at him, settling onto her back again to look up at the stars and the two moons that hung heavily around them. "I miss the smell, and the cold. But…I like it here. I like being away and finding out more of my power and where I can use it."

"Is that why so many Force Users leave Skye?"

"Yeah…I think so." It came as a confession, a quiet admission. "What do you think? I don't see you joining a Jedi Council and spending your life discussing diplomacy. I think you'd get bored as a peacekeeper."

Ben laughed, quickly quieting the sound as not to arouse suspicion. "I think you're right – but what else is there?"

"I don't know. You could go on adventures. See the universe. There is plenty to look at – more than we can see in one lifetime."

"I don't know if that is a good use of our skill though."

"Were we given The Force for other people?" Ailsa raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "I think we have it because…it is what we were made for. We were made to use it, but nowhere are we told how."

"The Jedi tell us how. And the Sith."

"They tell two very different stories."

Ben propped himself up, half leaning toward Ailsa, half watching her face. She did not shy away from him, she just brought her gaze back from the miles above them and centered onto his face.

"Regardless of all that – please stop stealing the droid on your own." Ben stated plainly. "If you do it again I will program it to shock you."

"Oh, you will, will you?" She shoved him back onto his back. He often changed the subject when it came to talk of the future. He kept a shadow over his opinion on it; hiding his thoughts away from even her.

"Yes. Yes I will." Ben chuckled. "Uncle Luke wants me to help you work better with the team. If that means zapping you, then you're going to get zapped."

"Duly noted…"

It was silent for a long while, nothing happening between them except the motion of air.

"Ben?" Ailsa's voice barely broke the quiet.

"Mmm?" His eyes were closed now, his mind half meditating, half just trying to avoid thoughts of the future and its pressures.

"Do you think we'll have to go our separate ways?"

He heard her shift back onto her side, body facing his, tone a mere whisper.

"Do you think that your path and mine are going to have to split?"

The man rolled to face her and offered a smile of comfort, his eyes settling up Ailsa's. "I don't know." He confessed.

They said that a lot to each other. 'I don't know'. There was so much that they did not know.

Weeks passed. Time wandered by and the friends learned more of The Force and their place within it. Ben did manage to get Ailsa to work with a team, he found a way to nudge her toward the Path of The Jedi. It was just little encouragement, little training tips, a bit of tutoring, and a lot of talk. They could talk for hours and not remember what they had discussed. They could talk for mere minutes and remember every second. They never spoke of that kiss. Ailsa wished they would.

She and Ben were the only ones of their age at the Jedi Temple. They were often set against each other simply out of necessity. He learned to fight her dual blades, and she had to learn to combat his sheer strength and reach. He almost always won, and almost always in the same manner. It came down to sheer power. The Force was very strong with Ben Solo. He was very good at manipulating it. His reflexes were quicker, his strength greater, his mind better at predicting his opponent's next move.

It brought no end of frustration to Ailsa, but she did manage to outpace him. As soon as she had done it once, he'd never allow her to do it the same way again. It was unnerving how fast he learned. It was impressive how malleable his skills were.

They both now stood as young adults, waiting where other padawans might to take the side of a Jedi Master. There were none except Luke Skywalker, and he was not in a position to abandon his post as teacher and take on the universe with two young people.

He was busy. Maz Kanata helped a lot, leading meditation, assisting others get in touch with The Force. The little woman sat in front of Ailsa once and stared hard into her eyes, intensively studying her gaze, memorizing her features. She did not say anything, she just nodded, smiled with a quiet joy, and moved on to repeat the process with the next person.

When she came to Ben she stood before him for a long time. He had stopped growing upward and now all his maturing happened internally. Maz studied him hard, sometimes frowning, sometimes smiling, and always leaving with a little shake of the head. His path was one she could not predict. He was too much like his grandfather – too strong, too passionate, too full of youth at the height of his influence.

This was why Maz always encouraged Ben to train with Ailsa, to meditate with her. If he could find a path in a grey space, he could find a link between light and dark. That way if he ever fell toward the dark side, he would have a trail back. Perhaps.

Kanata sat and watched the pair train one day, their combat with live weapons a sight to behold. She was quick, often managing to get behind Ben and afford a moment of distraction. He knew she could hurt him in that moment, he knew she found his vulnerabilities. And he worked to knit them shut. Ben in return would drive such force down upon his opponent that they had no choice but to yield backward to him. They exchanged no words in their duels, simply communicating and reading each other ad Jedi should.

Maz rose from her position, watching the pair before drifting over to Skywalker and his field of young padawans. They all worked with sticks, whacking at each other's weapons and not at their opponent – such was the way when learning of swordplay. So much focus was put on the sword, so little on the fight.

Just over a low wall was where Ben and Ailsa fought. The high pitched whir of lightsabers signified that they were still at it, the sound so distinctive. Luke would often look on them, yelling at them. He had long since given up on separating them – not for lack of trying, but because Maz would get mad at him every time he did. The woman was so much like his old mentor and teacher that he could not argue with her too much. She read the world as Yoda had, and Luke felt as if she saw things he could not.

No one saw Ben's victory that day. No one except Ailsa. She had been pushed back by his weapon, feet slipping one step before she re-balanced and used her motion, transferring it forward and up. Her hands forced both of her blades into his, turning it away and pointing it down. Her foot came up to land a blow on the young man's temple, but just before she made contact he switched his saber off. The blue glow died suddenly, her lightsabers no longer having anything to balance off. It threw her off, sent her upper body twisting against her leg. He sent a blast of Force into her shin, just enough to topple her down and away. Ben reached out with his free arm, catching the back of her head with his palm and turning his weapon on in time to force the energy of her lightsabers into the ground and not along his side.

Ailsa stared up at Ben. He was grinning like a lunatic. She rolled her eyes and turned her weapons off, straightening a little to bring her weight off his arm. If he had not caught her she would have hit the deck hard. There was a moment though, just a pause. She stood straight and close to him, his hand still there at the nape of her neck. His smile faded a little, his mind clouding and deviating from task.

They stared at each other for a second that felt like an eternity. He studied her eyes, she tasted his lips. She kissed him with such ease, leaning into Ben and feeling him do the same. He drew closer, the hilt of his lighsaber falling to the ground so he might place a hand upon her waist and tug her nearer. Ailsa felt his chest moving against hers, felt the heat of his body from their training and the pounding of his heart. She settled her palm against his ribcage, feeling the beating against it.

The sound of Luke Skywalker broke them apart. He was calling a break for the young students and would no doubt do the same for his two older apprentices. They were apart from each other just in time, the imprint of Ben's hand burned into the back of Ailsa's neck in memory. Maz smiled at them as she came through into their training yard, petting the young woman on the hand.

"Time for lunch, you two. You can resume all that later."

The Skylander was pale enough for her blush to be evident, and Ben was quick to tease her for it. She shoved him and he caught her about the waist again, her own arm looping about his body in a friendly manner. To Skywalker it looked like a good friendship. To them it was now very different.

It was only a kiss.

It was all it had to be.

But it was never just a kiss.

Soon such kisses found their way under the stars, mingling with talk and secrets. They lay side by side with the taste of the other upon them, still tentative in their exploration like a swimmer might be venturing into the water on a cold day.

Luke noted a change in his nephew. He seemed less intense, less withdrawn. It had only been two months, and such a change may not be permanent, but whatever had clouded him before seemed to have lifted. Maz smiled more when she helped him with his meditation.

Ailsa and Ben never spoke of their intimacy. They simply spent time together and stopped thinking of what might happen and what the consequences may be. It was not within the Jedi Code, but Ben had not taken any oath yet. He was not ready to take the vows. He was not thinking of them when he was with her, and perhaps that disguised his path from everyone else. It gave them an excuse to think that he was still headed the right way, even if he knew he was no longer looking upon that path.

It was in the early days of winter when the connection between Ailsa and Ben concreted itself firmly. He'd always set his hand upon the nape of her neck when he wanted to draw her nearer. Soon his hands found other curves upon her, and he felt her touch upon him. It was awkward, whispered, full of blushes and misread, clumsy moments. Yet there was some laughter too, and a great deal of smiling. As skin set to skin and her warmth melted on his, all seemed to fade away. They were in her room, hidden away under the covers as the first snow began to fall outside.

He kissed her so deeply that night, felt her so intimately, and he got so lost. Ailsa never thought on which way was up or down, she just thought of him. She thought of what it was to love him as a friend, and what it was to make love to him now. He learned her body with fingers that acted as if they had never touched anything before. He treated her as if she might break. Such hesitance and awkwardness faded the next time, and as the cold months made themselves known, the pair learned of warmth and of what it tasted like when they were together. The air changed, it smelled different. He learned the planes of the small of her back, the lines of long legs, the joint in each one of her fingers. Ailsa knew what it was like to press her lips to his abdomen, she knew what he sounded like when he was lost in bliss, and she understood quietness with a greater accuracy when it settled upon them in the moments after.

He'd always brush her hair away, always trace the soft space between her ribcage and her hip, drawing lucid patterns on her flesh as she wrote old Skye runes upon his. He would always listen to her breath return to a normal rate, always feel her pulse drifting back.

Neither ever said 'I love you'. Not once. They were never loud, never shouting from the rooftop, never hiding from each other. They had to hide from Luke Skywalker, they had to keep secrets from Maz. They had to go about their training as per usual. Such a thing was not hard. As they had in the past, they found their time together and they made the most of it. She'd always fall asleep beside him, legs tangled with Ben's, his hands upon her. They never woke up together; they never could. That was one thing they did speak of; one desire that did find its way into words.

"I'd like to wake up with you here." She'd said one night, the new snow making the world more silent than before. "I don't care of Master Luke finds out."

Master Luke. She'd started using his title as she trained.

"My Uncle would not be impressed." Ben traced a finger over the curve of her backside, up toward the line of her spine and into the bend of her waist.

"He has more to think of than this." Ailsa pressed her lips to his collarbone, limbs weighted with happy pleasure.

"He has more to think on than he would like. It keeps his attention away from us…"

The Skylander grinned against Solo's skin, nipping ever so gently at his pulse. "So stay here. Do not sneak off into the night."

"There are things I must do…"

She looked up to him, staring over newly formed freckles to meet his gaze. He had such character marks upon his features, such spots to match the darkness of his eyes as they lay there in the dark. "What can you do at this hour?"

He did not say that he felt The Force in those early mornings. That the darkest part of the night touched him, that it wrought its way through his soul as it had since he was a child, wooing him with a dark lullaby.

"It does not matter. I should like to be here when the sun rises."

"But you wont be."

Ben's silence came as confirmation. "When we find an adventure together, we shall watch the sun rise together."

"We are on an adventure together. We have been since I that day your father brought you to Skye."

He hummed a noise of acknowledgement, body too relaxed to mention more. He was drawn away though, pulled by strings to the privacy of his room where more secrets than those he had shared with Ailsa transpired.

In the snow they changed their love. In the snow they stopped seeing the other as a child. In the snow it all changed; a path once left can be found, but a path once burned will never be the same.

* * *

 _A/N: If you're reading please drop by and say hello! Let me know what you think of the story so far. Constructive criticism is more than welcome, and I would be glad to hear from you. I will also do my upmost to reply to each review.  
Little bit of romance. I never really went into the story with romance in mind. A strong connection, yes. I knew I wanted Ben to mirror Anakin in a way, and a lot of what guided Anakin before he went to the Dark Side was love. He had loved Padme since they were young. He loved her when he saw her again as an adult. His love for her was what brought him to the Dark Side. At least - that was how I always saw it.  
It is good to note the poem that inspired this story in the first place - Auld Lang Syne by Robert Burns. "We two have paddled in the stream/from morning sun till dine/But seas between us broad have roared/since days gone by."  
_


	6. Chapter 5

Training against dummies was an integral part of Jedi Temple daily life. Trainees were taught set sequences that they had to practice over and over and over again. It was much the same as the way Ailsa had been trained to be instinctive with her use of The Force; using it a fight regardless of the rules.

The young woman enjoyed her time with the training dummy. It was tall and solid; it did not yield to The Force, only to physical training. Spending time with it mean time in solitude, focus primarily on the dummy and the movements that had to be drilled into them.

Ailsa was practicing a more advanced move that particular day; one where she had to leap up and wrap her legs around the top of the statuesque, faceless figure and bring it down with a twist of the torso. She could break an opponent's neck with the move on the way down, or simply wind them before springing forward and away. It was hard though. She was able to do it on Skye with shorter folk. She was able to do it when it came to the crux of a matter, but doing it with a dummy that was a good foot taller than her was more than she had imagined possible.

And that was exactly why Luke had set her the task.

The Jedi Master stood to the side with his arms crossed as he watched her cycle her legs up, delivering high kicks to the head of the dummy in sequence and not actually performing the movement asked of her.

"You know you can get your foot up there." Luke stated with a small smile. She frowned in such an odd way when she was focusing, her lower lip caught in her teeth, one brow raised in an unusual fashion. Ben sat beside his uncle, hands pressed together. He was not one to train such movements; he was not built for it, his fighting style would only become unbalanced by such a lift.

"I know I can get my foot up, but I need to get my knee up." Ailsa punched the dummy before bouncing up and down on the spot.

"That is why you have to jump." Luke's tone was so flat and matter-of-fact. But his eyes were bright, his posture relaxed. "Just do it."

"Just do it." Grey eyes rolled. "You do it."

"Don't sass me."

"Sorry."

Skywalker let out a sigh and held a hand up to his nephew to silence a laugh he knew was coming. Ben pursed is lips and nodded, leaning back against his seat.

"Ailsa, just close your eyes. You feel your environment more acutely with The Force than we do. Feel where you must aim."

"Okay. Magic Force Voodoo sight." She rolled her shoulders, eyes locked on the spot she was supposed to get her knee to.

"What did I say about sass?" Luke pinched the bridge of his nose, peering at her over his fingers.

"Right. Sorry."

With that, Ailsa made the leap, launching up and managing to perform half the move, yet on the way down she did not twist well enough and ended up slamming onto her side on the mat. Wrapped hands and bare feet tensed in frustration. Her hair was a mess, the dummy sitting itself back up as if to mock her.

"Again." The master said simply. He watched her about to open her mouth and quickly cut Ailsa off. "Don't sass me."

She burst up from her position and hit the dummy again, this time finally managing the movement only to be thrown off by the blasted thing trying to move upright again. Ben could not help but laugh at this, her leg dragged up by the dummy and her form slipping across the mat before she came free.

Ailsa lay where she came to rest, staring at the ceiling of an ancient domed building. The light came in through multiple arched windows, the forest visible from all angles beyond.

"Don't." Luke cautioned her again, sensing that she wanted to say something about the exercise. "Go for a run. Come back and do it again."

The girl groaned but did not protest.

"I expect you to run back in here and perform that move flawlessly."

"After a run? It is snowing." She got up and stretched her arms above her head, limbs swinging down loosely as she came to terms with where the training was going.

"You wont be gone long. Around the lake once and right back in here." A pause, no movement. "Now, Ailsa. Go."

She smiled, sighed, and set off – bare feet padding out before falling silent against the snowy floor of the wood outside. She'd only be gone 5 minutes; long enough to clear her head, short enough to keep her energy up. It was plenty of time to keep moving; the cold spurring her own and helping keep the warmth in her unshod feet.

Luke sat himself down beside his nephew as she left and shook his head. "She's got spirit."

"She does." Ben mused, perhaps a little too easily. He cleared his throat and sat a little straighter, glancing at his uncle for a moment. "You're not fond of her, are you?"

"Does it matter?" Luke gave the boy a side-eye. "You are very fond of her. I know where you hide up in that tree."

"We're just hanging out. It's…intense here."

"It is supposed to be. You're supposed to get used to it, not find a way to escape. Her method with The Force will deviate from your own. You must not let her distract you, Ben."

The young man stared ahead, eyes upon the dummy as it continued to wobble after its assault. "I know my path, Uncle." His voice became distance, set. "I know what I am supposed to do."

"Good." Luke set a hand upon Ben's shoulder. "You have learned a lot. You are going to be a great Jedi. Greater than I…perhaps."

Ben had to smile at that, his family smiling too. Praise was hard to come by, and it was worth it. It felt good. Yet, the grin faded. He remembered nights of darkness and thought. For years something had been reaching out form the shadows to him, using The Force and stretching out to reach him. Only when Ailsa came did he find relief. Now he found himself feeling the draw again; he felt it clinging to the Light in him and casting a great shadow.

"Go easy on Ailsa." Ben looked to Skywalker. "It is still all new to her."

"After three months? At least she is addressing us properly."

"I don't think she'll be a Jedi."

"No." Luke confessed. "But she may sit well with The Light rather than traversing the danger of a grey path."

"Would that be so bad, to be grey? The people of Skye seem balanced. No darkness has come from there."

"Not that we know of. There is great darkness in the universe, Ben. It hides itself well and makes itself well known when it must."

Silence. The snowfall outside kept the world damp to noise. The woods seemed permanently shrouded in fog.

"Do you love her?" Luke asked clearly, hiding no secrets.

Ben swallowed. "She is a wonderful friend. I feel…like myself with her. I feel like I know my path."

"I know you love her as a friend. That is not what I was asking."

The young man was trying to find an answer when the young woman burst into the room, her motion much lighter as she tried to keep her feet moving. She was cold, her toes aching from the chill of the snow. She did as she had been asked, launching up at the dummy and executing the move as she should have.

Ailsa smiled and propped herself up on the mat before bringing her feet toward the heater near her mentor's chair. "Okay. Okay, I get why you did that. It was mean, but I get it."

Luke had to smile at her honesty. She hid very little, if anything at all. Some people needed a fire lit under them, but Ailsa was bred for the cold. A bit of snow under her feet and a chill in her bones made her flighty enough to reach the height needed for the exercise.

"You know I am going to ask you do to it again."

"I know. My feet hurt though."

"Focus on that. Let it help you."

"Pain? Is that not a poor path for the Jedi?"

"We all experience pain." Luke spoke to both young adults. "We all know it, we will all know it more with every passing day. It is how you approach it that makes the difference. Use it to your advantage; seek peace on the other side. Never embrace it, simply embrace the fact that it can help you in a moment."

Ben watched his old friend drill for the next hour, the dummy taking a beating. She was a little whirlwind; always moving, always trying to land a hit. It was impossible to see her as a child anymore. He remembered her as such; he remembered that joy. But now he knew what it was like for her to fall asleep beside him. He knew what she smelled like after a shower and what she felt like in the rain.

Watching her come in damp with sweat to sit beside the heater had him feeling relaxed. His uncle threw her a towel and acknowledged her work before having to check the time. He was late for his younger students.

"Make sure Ben meditates."

Ailsa nodded as she retied her hair, plaiting dark strands over her shoulder as she caught her breath. "Thank you, Master Luke."

He nodded at her in respect before leaving. Ben and Ailsa were left in that domed room. He laughed as she slumped back against the mat and stared at the patterns on the ceiling.

"You worked hard." Ben nudged her foot with his. "You're getting quicker."

"Mmm." She was happily tired. "You're supposed to meditate now with me."

"I know."

"What is it?" Ailsa looked up at him, brow furrowing at the change of tone in his voice.

Ben did not tell her of what he felt reached out to him at night. He did not say how such sensations occurred now when he meditated. Something was speaking to him through The Force. It was speaking and he was listening.

"It is nothing. I am just tired too."

"Yeah…you're getting old." She teased him, trying to lighten his mood. "You're as tall as you're going to get and you still haven't found a way to grow into those ears. I'd be tired too."

"That's cheeky."

"It's true." Ailsa exclaimed. "But I like it. I like your face. I love your eyes – you have such nice eyes."

"They're…brown…" He rounded the vowel out in brown, adding a question to the word and adding a sense of mischief to his voice.

"I like them."

"You loved them a second ago."

"I'm contrary."

"I know."

Ailsa smiled up at the ceiling, hands set at her sides as she began to cool down. He'd been with her almost all night, whispering and talking. He'd wanted to hear tales from Skye; stories of giants and faeries, of horses made of sea foam little trolls that brought good luck. He'd wanted to butt into every story, speaking over her, laughing, questioning the logic and the morality of many of the tales.

She'd had to put her fingers to his mouth many times just to finish a sentence, his laughter muffled against the blankets. He'd ended up pressing kisses along her spine as she spoke, being thoroughly distracting before leaving as the sun came up. She'd wrapped him in her arms before he'd gone, brushing fingers through his hair and pressing her lips to the circles under his eyes. "You have such nice eyes." She'd said. "Go. See you at breakfast. I'm going to steal your fruit."

"Okay." He'd not had a rebuttal for that. They'd been speaking all night of little things, of things he may not remember but would always appreciate hearing. "You can have my fruit if I can have half of your hot drink."

"No, I'm _stealing_ your food. This is not a trade negotiation."

"We'll see."

He'd ended up tipping half of her drink into his throughout breakfast, many of the younger students giggling as Ailsa proceeded unaware and only noticed when she went to finish her cup and found it quite empty.

Being friends with Ben Solo was always an adventure.

They ended up back to back in the domed training room, meditating silently in their own ways.

"You're sweaty." He'd murmured over his shoulder. "It's gross."

"You're gross."

"You're sweaty."

"I know."

"So gross."

"You're a baby."

"Shhhh. We're meditating."

She elbowed him in the spine.

With a shaky breath Ben returned to his thoughts, returned to the flow of the Force and listened to what it had to say. It said to much to him, spoke in such voices that he could barely understand. One voice stood amongst the rest. It had been with him for years, whispering through The Force. Constantly there, making itself known like an old friend. It spoke of the future, of power, of ability. It spoke of other paths. Of pressures that did not involve being a child of Leia Organa or the grandson of Darth Vader.

Ailsa frowned. She was so near to him, so in touch with Ben for a moment. She could feel his pulse against her back, and she could hear a murmur that did not come from either of them. He had touched her with The Force before; using his talent with mind tricks to, not trick her, but to ease up against her and explore her more thoroughly. It had opened a venue between them. It had felt beautiful. And now it sounded like a disembodied voice that faded immediately as soon as her presence was sensed.

Ben's eyes opened. He knew she'd felt it.

Ailsa felt her jaw tighten, mind trying to work at what it was that had been there. "What was that?" She asked him easily. " _Who_ was that?"

"It was just a sound in The Force. You should not have been in my head."

"I wasn't. You were in mine."

"I was not." Ben turned to her, watching as she twisted. He was a bit angry, up in arms. Defensive. "What did you see?"

She was confused now. "I don't know. I heard something. Someone maybe. Are you…"

"Am I what?" His voice grew clipped. "What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing. Ben. I'm not saying anything. I'm just…I'd never…I don't know what that was. It…makes me anxious."

"Why? It is part of The Force. Are you not in touch with The Force?"

"Ben." She turned to face him. They were cross-legged staring at each other. Both a little angry now. "Ben, what was it?"

He shook his head. Eyes closing briefly in frustration. "Ailsa. Don't come into my head."

"I wasn't in your head!" She set her hands on his knees, leaning a little toward Ben. "I think…whatever…"

It was hard to explain. Something had just sparked. They'd removed all walls between them and sitting in such deep meditation with such close contact…Perhaps the Force itself wanted her to see in.

"Did you see what I was meditating on?"

Ben sighed. "Yeah. I felt it. It was peaceful."

"I was thinking of the snow."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

His heart rate seemed to settle, hers slowing too. "Ben…"

"Don't." Be blocked her out before she began, his forehead touching hers in silence. "Please don't, Ailsa."

She swallowed. She had been in they grey zone for a long time. She had learned of the Light. Now; now she knew she had experienced the Dark Side too. Grey was now punctuated by stark spots of black and white.

Ailsa exhaled and nodded. "Okay." She did not know if it was a lie; she did not know if she could not pursue it further. "Okay, Ben."

The way she said his name that time…it felt like it did not stick. It felt like _Ben_ was someone else. Someone else had looked into who he was and now the name did not stick. He shook his head against her, hands tightly clenched at his sides. The man swallowed. Huffed. Eyes opened.

"Don't do that." He said. "Don't look in."

"I am in, Ben." Ailsa stared back at him. "You're in too. Here." She took his hand, peeling fingers open and setting his palm to her heart. "We cannot change that now."

"Maybe we shouldn't have gone there in the first place."

"Maybe. But I don't regret it."

"No." His fingers closed on hers, lips skimming the woman's ever so briefly. "No, me neither."

Maybe that was a lie too. He felt lost again, but not in her or on his path. Just…lost. Both sides called to him, screaming out. One had to scream louder. One had to be heard and drown all else out.

"It's not the same." He murmured.

"It isn't supposed to be." She replied.

Ben nodded. Swallowed. She did not know that she was confirming a direction for him. He did not know quite yet either. But he was turned, twisted, set to face down a path he had not seen before.

"Come on." Ailsa leant back. "I'm sweaty. I will have a shower. You can pretend like you're not snooping through my things."

He cracked a smile, fingers drifting down as hers left his. His hand came to rest upon her thigh. He knew the way her skin felt there; he knew it was soft and smooth beneath her clothing.

"Up." Her hand extended down to Ben as she stood.

With a grin he came to, rising but ducking his shoulder in toward her torso as he did so. He folded Ailsa over his arm, hoisting her up and blatantly ignoring her protests.

"What?"

"My ass is right beside your face."

"It is a good thing I like your ass then."

"Don't get smug." She twisted, wriggled, and even tried all she could to make his life uncomfortable. She succeeded by the time they had reached the door, so he tossed her into a snow-drift and dusted his hands off with ease.

"I am going to hurt you." The lithe brunette looked like she had been coated in cake powder. Her lashes were lined with snow, body quickly chilled. A snowball hit Ben square in the face.

He had to laugh as she tried to get up and ended up slipping on a patch of ice, trudging barefoot ahead of him in a silent rage. He infuriated her at times. When they could have had an all out argument they had drawn near, and when they could have had a nice walk back to the dormitory he had gone and thrown her into the snow.

Friendships that start in childhood retain an innocence that others may loose. They were both stubborn, both curious. And now he had made sure that her mind had wandered from their meditation session – at least for the moment. She'd need a warm shower, new clothes, and a few choice words with him before considering it all again.

It gave him space.

And soon the walls she had broken down were built up anew, this time blocking the light and casting shadows Ben soon began to explore; making sure that Ailsa never saw into that side of him again.

* * *

 _A/N: And so we begin to head toward the events of TFA. Let me know what you think so far! It is always so good to hear from you.  
_ _I hope you are enjoying the story. If you are reading please drop a short review! Constructive criticism is always welcome!_


	7. Chapter 6

As spring grew near Ben began to feel colder. He befriended a few trainees that were a couple of years younger than him; young men who had waded into puberty and looked up to nephew of their teacher like he could do no wrong.

They heard the sounds in The Force too. They heard them guiding them to Ben.

Ailsa was unaware of this. She knew nothing of Snoke; the voice that now had a name. She did not know that he had been speaking to Ben since he was a new trainee at the Jedi Temple. She did not know how close he drew to the shadows as they called out, did not realize he was pulling away from all else.

She was the last thing he seemed to be holding to; that final spot of sunshine. He had never stayed beside her, never been there at the start of the ady. Yet the temptation was strong; the draw to the light when experiencing the power of darkness was hard. She was warm to the touch, warm to the heart. He loved her. He loved her and he knew such a thing would ruin his path to power – just as it had for Vader.

Vader. Ben's interest in his grandfather grew with every passing year. The voice of Snoke prodded the interest, poking it like one would poke a flame to get it to rise up and burn hotter. Vader. Not Anakin.

Ailsa had no qualms about love. The Skylanders often took spouses, often had partners throughout the universe. Their connection to The Force encouraged an experience with all emotion; heightening affection, but also illuminating the pain of anger and betrayal.

The young woman was watching Ben and his new young troop of followers training. Luke had given his nephew the task of teaching the trainees weaponed combat. He would help them find the lightsaber that suited them most, and assist them when it came to practicing the task of making their own. The youths would have to find their own Kyber Crystals when they became Jedi. They would have to make their own saber. The trials themselves had faded; there were too few to test them yet, too little instruction. Luke would guide them and he knew when they were ready. He had a gift for teaching, even when overwhelmed by the Academy itself.

Ailsa crossed her legs as she sat upon a stone and continued to watch the training. The sun was out, the snow glistening. It felt like home; it felt like Skye. Ben glanced over at her and smiled, then frowned, his attention moving back to the boys and their task.

Little Maz made herself known beside the Skylander, climbing onto the rock beside the brunette and sitting without a word. She peered at the girl through her glasses, adjusting the lenses.

"You know it is very unnerving when you do that?" Ailsa's crooked smile made an appearance. "What are you looking for?"

"Not for – at. I am looking _at_ you." Maz fiddled with her glasses even further, peering into the grey eyes of the other before leaning back and returning her gaze to normal.

"What did you look at?"

"That love-struck puppy face you think you hide so well?"

Ailsa coughed. Eyes wide, brows up. "What?"

"Oh, come now. He wears the same look." Maz tapped her walking stick against her foot, dislodging a chunk of snow. "I also saw you sneaking out of his room at an ungodly hour of the morning. You should be more careful than that."

The girl's mouth opened, hung open, then closed. "You cannot tell Master Luke."

"I have no intention of telling Skywalker. It is none of his business."

"He would argue otherwise."

"He knew that this might happen when he brought you here. He was a young man once too. He was no puritain."

Ailsa had to smile and shake her head a little. "I do not know what to say."

"The fact that you did not ask _'is it wrong?'_ or _'what should I do?'_ is comforting."

"Comforting?"

"Of course. You don't feel like you're doing wrong, do you?"

"Well – no. I know that it is not in the way of the Jedi though. It is not part of the path."

"Paths change. Better routes can be found. Just look at your own people."

"You think that this is a better route?"

"I did not say that. I will say, however, that all must walk a different pattern."

Ailsa nodded, not sure what else to say. It was a bit awkward to be found out. She and Ben had not spoken on specifics; it had all just slipped into place, all the talking, all the trust – their intimacy had been solidified so firmly as friends and companions that everything that came after just stemmed from that.

"You love him." Maz said, her tone suddenly growing a bit more serious, her brow furrowing. "He loves you too."

"Is that…bad?"

"I do not know yet." The little woman tapped at the rock as she stared intensively at Ben. "Guard your heart, Ailsa. Guard it well – even from him."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The more time passed, the more responsibilities Luke gave to Ailsa. He saw her guiding the girls through the more 'sensitive' topics that he could not approach with her delicacy. Topics of adolescence and development. Both he and Ben would be notably abscent whenever such talk came up and it was a relief to have a female guide.

On all other topics the boys and girls were treated the same. All species, all genders, all ages – they were all expected to reach the same outcome. They were all expected to become Jedi and bring balance to The Force.

Luke was very present whenever Ailsa spoke on balance; he knew she worked in shades of grey. She was not evil nor dark, but she walked a tightrope between two worlds and could tip either way with ease.

Skywalker himself began to train Ailsa with her lightsabers, examining the pair closely and even trying to pull them apart to look at the Kyber Crystals within. He had never seen twin crystals, nor heard of any trainee finding them.

"I'll be honest – the crystals I found when we were sent on our trials…they were not these."

Luke looked up at his student, their figures across the table from one another. "Where are they from?"

"I was given them as a gift by my mentor on Skye. He was an old man who never gave us his name. He collected Crystals and…on our trial I saved his son. It was a 'thank you'."

"His…son?" Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. His son. It is not unusual for the Force Users on Skye to have families."

"Hm." Skywalker turned his attention back to the lightsabers, knowing that entering such a topic with Ailsa would not reach any mutual resolution. "You saved the boy?"

"Yes. We were climbing a cliff-face together. He slipped, hit the rock, and broke his shoulder. We were attached by rope and he was far heavier than I…his force tore me from the wall too and we ended up sliding quite a way. I managed to hook our rope on a boulder on the way down. Stupid boy. He whined the whole time we sat there. He whined could not use The Force to reach out to his father for help. I had to do it for him. I think the Crystals were a 'thank you' and a 'please don't say anything about how incompetent my boy is' gift."

Skywalker laughed and felt the weight of the pair of weapons in his hands. They had a nice balance to them, and a lightness that suited the girl. She was not strong, she was not built for head on combat. But she was balanced and quick and her lightsabers were too.

"The Force must have known you needed a pair such as these." Luke glanced across the table. "Twin crystals are rare indeed."

"So are incompetent boys on Skye. I am lucky to have stumbled upon both…"

Luke laughed again and set the weapons down, his smile warm for Ailsa and his eyes bright. He was glad for the girl. Yet, perhaps he would not be in coming weeks. She disguised Ben's slide to the Dark Side. She helped him appear bright; and all she saw was brightness. No one noticed over her, no one looked past his smile when they were side by side. It made it so much easier.

It made his shadows longer.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It came quietly, the whispers. They found her as they had the first time sitting there against Ben's back. The voice, the sound, the murmurings through The Force. Ailsa felt it on one side of her form, the other side warm with light and deaf to sound.

In her dreams she could see The Dark Side. She could see blackness and felt no fear of it. Yet she felt terror for another. She felt hesitation at the potential of power. Such greed never led to a good outcome.

Ailsa woke with a start, a nightmare lingering in her mind but not coming forth. Ben had experienced such things since he was but ten years old. Little strokes to desensitize him. Little tastes of what was to come. The woman looked beside her and saw an empty space. It was a bed for one but they had not been made to wander alone. On Skye they told a tale that people had been made in one body, but that the gods had been so jealous they had split them in two – forever seeking their other half.

Ailsa always believed she was at her peak alone. But peaks were good to share, and many paths were better with company. It is why Skylanders never took a vow against love. It is why they never threw off unity. It is why they travelled to see the universe and touch upon whatever and whomever they could find beauty with within The Force.

A storm built outside. The rain would wash the snow into slush. The morning would be full of ice. The thunder made the old stones of the Temple shake, the foundations seeming to quiver. For a moment the young woman thought it was the storm that woke her, but in her heart she knew it was not. It was a lure, it was temptation. It was the bliss of a quiet black sky and the horror of loneliness all at once.

Her bare feet padded through the halls, sensing out any other presence. She was silent, she was careful, and she was quiet as she found Ben at his desk with a low light and a book. He glanced up at her and smiled an exhausted smile.

"You are tired." Ailsa went to him; his arms open in an offer. Long limbs folded themselves over his lap, lithe form seeking comfort in the late-winter storm. "You look horrible."

His smile pressed to her hair, lips upon the soft scent of her scalp. She still smelled of a cold sea breeze; always like salt from the wind and damp ocean stones. Ailsa's fingers moved over his collarbone, eyes closing as she leant into Ben. The voice seemed more alluring when she was with him. And yet the loneliness of it did not dissipate.

"Why are you awake?" She peered up at her friend, her confidant, her lover. The first person she had ever grown to love fully. Perhaps the last.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." His palm settled on the curve of her waist, his mind seeking peace in her presence. Such a thing should not be done; to rely upon peace from another. It was not a balanced way to live. Other people could be swayed. Other people were not always peaceful.

"I had a dream."

"You did?"

Their words came in mumbles, in murmurs. "Yeah."

"What did you dream about?"

"I don't know, but I know I dreamed about something. Do you ever get that?"

"All the time."

"Is that why you are awake?"

Ben set the book he had been reading aside. "Yeah."

"Is it the same voice?"

He nodded against her hair, brushing dark strands back to reveal more of her pale face. Her eyes were like moons in the darkness. So large, so bright, so curious of what lay just beyond. Ben did not reply, he just kissed Ailsa. It was slow and deep – the sort of kiss that said more than words could. The sort of kiss people made when they noticed that time was running out and it was nearly the hour of goodbyes.

"If I go, would you come with me?" Ben barely moved away from her, words hitting his friend in the mouth, slipping into her like a tongue.

"Where would you go?"

"You know where I'd go."

Ailsa nodded. "I am afraid for you."

He blinked at such a reply. Dark eyes flitted up to hers, memorizing her features on the way up. "Why? You have felt it, haven't you?"

"I have. That is what I am afraid of."

"What are you afraid of?"

"It is not a path for two. It never was." She breathed against him, drawing an arm around Ben's shoulders, pressing her forehead into the line of his jaw. "The dream would not allow it. I am not part of that plan."

He knew this. He knew it so well, so acutely. Snoke would never allow such a comfort as love. Broken hearts yielded more power for The Dark Side. He had already told Ben what to do. He had already lain out a plan for Ailsa. She was to be a severed limb. She was to be removed.

"No." Ben closed his eyes. "I do not want that."

"Then do not go." Ailsa could not comprehend what was to come. She stood before a great silence; a quiet before a storm. The weather outside rumbled at them. It growled. It knew them. It knew what she did not.

Looking back Ailsa would call herself naïve. She would see why the Jedi did not condone love. Love blinded others. It made them see the best when the worst was far more important in that moment. It made danger seem less dangerous and fear less worth noting.

Ben shifted them over to where he slept. He wrapped them up in blankets like a child would when hiding from the storm. The covers were pulled above their heads, their bodies close and fully clothed. Foreheads came to touch, limbs came tangled tight. They just lay there together. It would be the first morning when they woke up side by side. They'd had to pull apart like glue, laughing sleepily before coming together again and trying to plan how to work out an inconspicuous return to duties.

Young adults and young love; it was powerful. They thought they could erase eternity or take it on.

Ailsa was late to her first class; Ben teased her upon her arrival.

"Where have you been? Did you sleep in? Absolutely lazy!"

She threw an apple core at him and watched as he caught it with The Force and hovered it above his uncle who gave his nephew a long-suffered look before making a move to send the half-eaten fruit right into the boy's chest.

It was the last time the trainees would all laugh together as a whole unit.

The next morning Ailsa found Ben beside her. She did not remember him coming in. She did not remember any dreams. All had been so silent in her mind; but it had not been so for him. He was steeling himself, and he had spent the night with one last view of her. The pain of it would drive him; he had been instructed to let it in, to let it flow through. To make him hate his Uncle for enforcing such secrecy between them, to make him jealous of any other who might look at her, to make him furious at what he had to do and embrace fully how it must be done.

Feeling her fingers brushing his hair only lit the fire brighter. Hearing the supply ship drop onto the planet with men sent by Snoke had his heart racing and his blood growing ice cold despite the heat in his heart.

He vanished then. No one knew where he went. The woods grew so quiet, the ground hard. Maz had left on a ship before and she had not known what was coming.

Luke felt a shift in The Force when she did. He watched the sky as if it might let them know what was to come.

That night the Knights of Ren were solidified. That night the children of the Academy fell and the temple burned.

* * *

 _A/N: As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a review. Constructive criticism is always welcome! Let me know what you liked (or didn't like) about the chapter and how you are enjoying the story so far!  
There is also now a tumblr for Ailsa. It is ailsaskye . tumblr . com. __Well - it is for inspiration and things to muse upon. More a think tank for me, but something you are free to enjoy too._

 _Thank you to all who have contacted me thus far. Your support is phenomenal and I am so grateful to know you all.  
\- WL. _


	8. Chapter 7

The night it happened was impossible to forget. That night would haunt Ailsa, it would chase Luke, and it would see the world of the Jedi once more upturned. That night it all changed. It all hurt. It all burned.

The day started so normally. It was a beautiful morning; the snow was melting, the trees began to appear green once more. Water had begun to run in the creeks and rivers and the lake's surface had cracked. The cold breath of winter still lingered but the sun pushed bright and warmer than it had before.

Ben did not see it. The break between classes had seen him withdraw. He was so quiet that day. He seemed so on edge, so angry. He snapped quickly at things, yelling at a child for bumping into him in the hall and watching everyone from under his brows instead of with his usual smile.

Yet Ailsa had woken beside him and all had felt normal. It had felt good – they were headed toward a new Horizon. The Academy was training a new generation of Force users determined to bring about the best in the universe. There was light and there was love and both seemed to be working well.

He'd even helped dress her that morning, making sure her robes were on straight and nothing amiss except the crooked line of her smile. In return, she had messed his hair up and managed to steal his lightsaber twice before they ventured out. He was distant. He did not snap at her. He did not yell. Where all others got a rough edge, Ailsa did not. It was as if he were preparing her for a good goodbye.

But there is no such thing as a 'good goodbye' when an order to burn the Jedi was given. There were to be none alive except Kylo Ren and his knights at the end of it. Only they were to be drawing breath. Only they were so determined.

The moment Ben put that helmet on that day was the day he became Kylo. Ben Solo fell with the rest. He died where they died and was left in the rubble to freeze as dawn ventured to look upon the next day.

Ailsa had been alone when it all began. Those who had come on the supply ship and set up explosives around the Temple. As dusk set in the buildings began to crumble. Walls fell, bricks were thrown, and confusion reigned. The younger trainees were taught to gather in the domed hall when an emergency arose and they went running on small feet.

Murder awaited them. The whisper of the voice of Snoke stood in the minds of the Knights of Ren as they closed the exits and shut Skywalker out and the children in.

Ben was in his room alone. He stared at it for one last moment before drawing a new lightsaber from beneath his desk. He had worked on it in secret, its unstable red blade wavering with a sharp hiss as he turned it on, testing it before turning the weapon upon the room that he had once called home.

The first thing to do was kill Ben Solo. The rest would be easy once he fell. The rest would be fine once he was dead. The helmet went on after the room lay in tatters. His eye caught something in a moment, a little yellow disk. That small kite from a boyhood dream. No one could see his face, no one could guess what was felt at that moment.

A man and a kite and a stretch of silence and memory.

He used The Force to draw the object near, an action he had performed so many times before. Yet this time, as it touched his palm, the kite ignited into flame and began to burn.

Such a small thing was cast upon the shredded sheets, setting them alight and spreading heat to all else.

It all burned. The smoke was intoxicating, its cloud billowing up to shroud the room in shadow. It stained the walls, it heated the building, and the walls began to groan under the weight of anger and flame.

Ailsa had heard the explosions and began to run. Her first thought went to Ben, to the man who had run his fingers along her spine to wake her that morning, and who had pressed his lips to the back of her shoulder when she protested. She ran for him; to find him. They had become a team, an inseparable pair.

She was never going to be a half looking for another to make herself whole. She was an entire being who enjoyed the entirety of his being. It was as simple as that and it was such simplicity that had left her blind.

The smoke from Ben's room had her moving to that wing of The Temple. No one was there when she arrived. The corridors were empty and all that could be heard was the crackle of fire. Even the birds had gone silent.

Not far away stood a cluster of trainees surrounded by strangers in black. Stories of Order 66 came to them and all seemed to lift up with hope. The Jedi had survived once; they could survive this. Light always found a way through.

Yet they were unarmed. They were small. They too were blinded by simplicity.

Luke Skywalker was there. He stood over them protectively as the sun began to set and listened as more of The Temple was destroyed. What remained of the day was blotted out by smoke and what remained of peace shook under the ground and trembled with the knowledge of what was to come.

Blood spilled so easily. It ran along stone floors and followed grout lines. It made patterns on the earth and pooled beneath heads, matting hair and staining skin. Some fell fast. They found peace quickly. Others were not so lucky.

Such is the way of things.

Ailsa found Skywalker and managed to cut away into the Domed Hall. Her lightsabers lit up brightly, the trainees rushing out behind her into what they hoped was clear air and an escape. Luke spurred them on.

"Run!" He screamed, eyes confused and wild.

The Skylander was caught in a battle with masked men, deflecting gunshots and blunt weapons. They beat at her all at once, leaving bruises and splitting her lip before Luke intervened.

"Go. Go with the children. Make them safe."

Ailsa threw the attackers back with a blast of The Force, nodding at her mentor. She spun her lightsabers around once; an anxious habit. Her mind could not catch up with reality. Her senses could not comprehend what was going on.

The Jedi Temple was being attacked with terrifying intent.

The grounds were to be a graveyard in hours unless something could be done.

The young woman caught up with the trainees. They had scattered aimlessly, most running for the woods. Ailsa pushed them on in that direction, turning off her weapons to try help disguise them in the night. The ground was slick with half melted ice and many slipped. Many were crying.

"Shhh." Ailsa brought them to a pause, listening. Behind them, The Temple could be seen burning. Roofs collapsed under the brunt of fire and an assault of explosives. Yet nearby something could be felt. In the darkness, something waited for them. The wood felt haunted somehow.

The hum of an engine had the girl's heart dropping. A craft. It was armed and no doubt equipped with heat detectors to spy out any who thought to hide.

It opened fire with brutal force. Ailsa managed to create a barrier with The Force, trying to deflect as many shots as possible as the trainees once again scattered. They ran in fear and blind terror, not looking where they went.

Ailsa felt herself slump against a tree. Their tree. The one she and Ben had sat in so many times. She felt herself fall against the familiar bark as she watched so many young ones cut down. Shock hit her hard. So many faces that had been smiling just hours before now lay in cold slush with no expression. Glassy eyes with no spirit stared up at the sky and down at the earth, all looking but none seeing. Trees were blasted apart, splinters sent flying. The gunfire brought down old bark, their heights groaning as entire lengths of forest were cut down and thrown into the heap.

Ailsa's hand went to her mouth, fingers shaking and not from cold. She wanted to be sick. Her people knew of death – they did not fear it. They did not fear a fight, nor gore, nor blood. Yet they were not unjust and they respected all fallen. Never would they attack a training temple; a school. A place of guidance for those seeking the light.

None of it made sense.

The voice from that day entered her mind. It slid in aimlessly and wandered around, speaking terror in a manner that turned men to cripples. It was not a voice to turn fear into power. It was something to disable her.

Ailsa grew angry, shutting her mind off and rising not as a student of the Jedi Temple but as a child of Skye. The rules of the Academy did not matter if such rules could not save them. Light and Dark were present here, and all they wrought was destruction when they came together.

The woman rose, standing straight in time to see a figure through the trees. He approached her, shoulders broad and upright, head covered and expressionless behind a mask.

The lightsaber that lit up at his side was blood red. It glowed angrily, its beam dancing in fury and instability. It was being torn apart by its own intent and power. Yet it was guided by a single hand.

She did not recognize him.

She did not know that inside the suit stood someone who had held her. He had laughed with her. He knew her taste. She knew the shape of his back, the flow of his hair, the sound of his voice when he was half asleep. But she did not know this enemy.

Ailsa armed herself. Her blades glowed at her sides, their hum distinct. The craft above saw the encounter begin and its guns fell silent. It drifted away, heading over the wood in search of strays.

"Why?" She called out over the space between them.

"You could not understand." The voice was unknown. It was muffled by the helmet, hidden so neatly away. "You could not comprehend what is coming."

"Try me." Ailsa felt her hair whipped about by a sudden winter wind; a cry from the season over the planet.

"No."

With that he advanced upon her, throwing his lightsaber into hers with such force that the young woman had to stagger back. She drove back at him with quick strikes, trying to find a weak spot and attempting to unbalance him.

He was good. He was powerful. He kept his footing even on the ice, mind locked away and hand set upon his task. This was what it took to gain power. This is what it took to move to The Dark Side and follow in the footsteps of his bloodline. Vader. Vader would be proud. Vader had done the same.

Ailsa dodged a blow, her assailant's blade hitting the ground and giving her enough of an opportunity to slip around him. She launched up at the trunk of the tree she knew so well, leaping up and off it, aiming at the man. Perhaps it was a weakness, but she did not bring her lightsaber down upon him. Instead, she aimed a kick at the helmet, knocking him sideways and forcing him to lean upon a nearby stone for balance.

He growled in anger, glaring through the visor at her. He did not know her. Kylo Ren did not know this girl and he did not think her strong enough to save.

"BEN!" A voice reverberated through the wood. The blue of Luke Skywalker's lightsaber signaled his coming. "Ben. Stop this now!"

Ailsa was about to drive forward with another attack on her briefly stumbled foe when she came to a dead halt. Brow furrowed, then eyes widened. Ben. Ben Solo. No. Her head shook, but Luke kept coming, he kept saying that name.

The man in black turned and spun his lightsaber in an act of gentle rebellion. "Ben Solo is dead, Old Man. You will not have the chance to mourn him for long."

"No." Ailsa swallowed. "Ben would not die so easily."

"Oh, he didn't. But he is gone now. I am Kylo Ren – I killed him myself."

Her jaw grew tight. Luke did nothing to advance upon his nephew. "Your name is not Kylo Ren. Your name is Ben Solo. I can see you in there. I can see you and you know it!"

Never had anyone seen Luke Skywalker so angry. He was furious, he was full of angst. So many had died. So much destroyed. His life, his work, his dream for the light – all gone when no one was ready to look. The darkness had come so fast. It had come and it had brought so many black shadows with it.

"Do not call me that!" Kylo Ren yelled through his mask, forcing himself at Skywalker with a heavy blade. Luke was already wounded, that much was obvious. He was tired and his body was bowed.

"BEN!" Ailsa called, wanting to see what his response might be. The new name was still so fresh, the old one still tied to instinct.

He turned. His uncle knocked him with The Force, sending him to stand between the pair who claimed to know him best. Yet they did not know this man. Neither knew of Kylo Ren or what he had been born of.

"Ben…" The woman turned her lightsabers off and dropped them to the ground, hands open and palms bare in the cold. She was shaking a little at the revelation, but she stood tall and called out. None of it made sense. None of it. "It's me. It's Ailsa. You woke up beside me. You like the smell of my hair; you say it still has the scent of the sea even after all of these months. I know you. I know you sleep on your front. You are a man who challenges me, who changed me. You are a man who loves me."

Luke watched all with a sinking heart. He saw so much of his father in the moment. He saw so much of Anakin and the way he had been torn apart.

"Ben…"

"Ben is dead!" The assailant screamed. He threw his hand out at the young woman, catching her by the throat with The Force. "Do not speak of him. The boy you loved is no more. You will join him soon."

Ailsa felt her feet leaving the ground. She could not speak and for a moment, she could not move. Her own hands went to her neck, clawing at the skin there as if such a thing might help relieve the pressure. She felt the muscles there strain; she felt her airway stifled and crack. Lungs burned like the fire that had now reached the wood. Flame touched the trees, spreading hot and fast and seeing all lit up in a new light. Ailsa was dying in his embrace, and he had every intention of completing the job.

He watched her there as he held her. She had to die. She had to for him to complete the task. He saw her eyes; he knew their color so well. Behind the mask he closed his own gaze and tightened his grip, the other hand coming out to halt Skywalker as he lurched forward at what remained of his nephew.

"Why, Ben? Why?" Luke staggered back to his feet, armed and advancing. "Put her down and tell me why!"

Ailsa reached for her lightsabers, she called them to herself with The Force. As soon as they lifted toward her they fell flat again, Kylo Ren casting the weapons aside in a break from his uncle.

She wanted to say she would not fight him. She wanted to take that mask off and look him in the eye and see that he had changed. Such thoughts wavered as spots of black climbed into Ailsa's vision. She gasped for air, the veins in her eyes turning red as he deprived her of air and sought to snuff out her life.

The moment he had taken to move her weapons aside was moment enough for Luke to get a hit on Kylo Ren. Their lightsabers met and with a snarl he threw the girl aside, tossing her as far as he could toward the river. He watched for a moment as she hit the snow, limbs lax enough to indicate that she was no longer conscious. The water could kill her. The cold would make doubly sure of it. And just in case; the falls to the lake had begun to flow again and their force might pin her under for long enough to remove what remained of the air in her body.

Ailsa died there in his mind. She went weakly, as someone blinded by love and its simplicity. She saw only the light in him and had not been prepared for the darkness.

The ice of the water embraced her form, digging into her skin with the pain of a thousand knives. It knocked her system hard, bringing her head around enough to gasp for air. Her eyes saw red and blue lightsabers in the trees. That was it. The current pulled her hard, ancient fingers reaching into her clothes to weigh her down. Ailsa could not move, her nerve endings felt as if they had been frozen shut. Her body ached and cried for air, screaming at her for it in pure desperation. Yet her mind wandered to all the moments of the months gone by. She searched for a sign of change. She looked for a point where this had all been obvious and could find none.

Betrayal burned her more than all else. The loss seared through her soul. The young woman was thrown about by the river mercilessly, the snow melt rushing past in a bitter current. Her body drove up for air, occasionally getting enough to prolong the inevitable.

What happened at The Temple from there was unknown to her. From there things went dark. She felt herself falling toward the lake, thrown through the cold air and hearing nothing but the water. Ailsa pretended that she heard the sea. She believed she would see Ben soon – that such an attack could be him, even if he wore a mask.

The water took the Skylander and pulled her deep. She did not take a breath before going under. Something about the silence under the water brought a new fight to her. It was so quiet down there. It was peaceful. Ailsa faced death in the dark, cold embrace of the winter water and she finally decided to fight back. She swam up only to be thrown back down by the weight of the falls. Her body was bruised from the drop, but she could not feel it. She had a split in her hairline, cuts and grazes from the rock face that the waterfall lay upon. The cold numbed it all. Fear made it irrelevant.

She pushed up again. Her hand reached the surface, breaking the air and trying to pull her up. Nothing. Again. Splashes, cries under water. Nothing. Desperation clawed at the surface. Grief powered adrenaline and such a thing prolonged her torture. Each attempt grew weaker until finally her fingers found a solid rock. Ailsa pulled up, palm sliced open by the attempt. Finally, her head broke above the water and she clung to the base of a cliff beneath a waterfall. It drenched her, it kept her hidden. It kept her cold and disguised from the craft that searched the shore. Yet humans were not designed for such things. Her limbs grew heavy again. She began to shake from the cold and then she felt no chill at all. After all the fight, in the end, she slipped back into the lake, floating on her back as silence fell. All that could be heard was the burn of the temple and the cry of the falls. Ailsa paid no attention to any of it. She looked at the stars, at the two moons.

She and Ben had lain side-by-side and stared upon such a view. They had been together with each other, invested and trusting, loved as friends and then as whatever had come after.

This was it.

This was the end.

Such a thought was the final memory Ailsa had. She had been found on the shoreline, lips blue and skin white. Help had been sent. Dawn had come and the ships had landed, men and women running off. Han Solo and Leia Organa were amongst them. They found flags from The First Order. They discovered the power of the Dark Side when it awoke and made itself known.

They were not the ones to find the young woman. Things would have been different if they had. Perhaps.

Black and blue she was pulled from the land. Scavengers had arrived with the ships and been lost in the confusion. An enterprising man had gathered the Force User up and put her aboard his craft. No trace of her was found at The Jedi temple. It was assumed that she had drowned and was at the bottom of the lake, forever entombed in water. Her blood had been discovered at the waterfall. Pieces of clothing had been torn and left upon the rock. Her lightsabers had been taken from the snow and brought to Han and Leia. That was all that remained. That was all that was sent back to Skye.

Yet as such a message went one way, she went the other. Death shrouded the planet and all who touched upon it. Death clung to her hard and fast and argued with those who would bring her back from the brink.

Such a discussion had one of two outcomes. Before the decision was made she would stay in an area of grey. Such a thing was fortunate. Grey is what Ailsa knew best.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for reading so far. Please let me know what you thought by dropping a review. Constructive criticism is always welcome!  
_ _We do not know much about the fall of The Jedi Temple. It was difficult to write this chapter as a result, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless._


	9. Chapter 8

The damage Ailsa had sustained was not minor. She was kept asleep for days and was attended to frequently. In her sleep she felt pain; felt nerves chilled solid begin to thaw, felt gaps in her skin where there should be none, felt the bruises and the aches. More than anything she felt a tightness in her throat. He had nearly strangled her to death. The sensation was much like having a vicious cold, the back of her windpipe and voice box suffering a rough abuse that had left membranes crushed and ligaments torn.

Her eyes were bloodshot from the lack of oxygen during those moments, her skin black and blue. The rest of her body experienced the feeling one encounters when getting into a hot bath immediately after coming in from the cold. Everything burned with an unspeakable intensity.

She had lost her breath, she had been thrown aside, she had fallen, she had nearly drowned. Then to top it all off the winter had tried to take her. Had she not been a child of Skye, such a chill would have perhaps snuffed her from existence. Yet Ailsa's folk were hardy. They were bred for the winter wind and it's bitterness.

In her sleep she could hear the medics. One had worked at a base on Hoth for some time and had experienced the effects of the cold on the human body. That medic managed to save the girl's limbs, to keep her fingers and toes attached and heal them despite the process being acutely painful. It was why they kept her under. She would feel it, she would know it, but she would be quiet and ride it out.

The nightmares were more awful than anything else. That mask Kylo Ren had worn…Kylo. Ben. Kylo. No. The visor glowed the same red as his lightsaber, the eyes behind just as unstable. No more was his gaze beautiful, no longer did he have a face or a smile or a method of teasing her. Even his laugh became distorted in her dreams, and it felt as if the burn in her flesh was because he had laid his touch upon her.

Ailsa's heart ached at these thoughts and pushed them violently aside, her mind wandered the grey area she had been trained to know. It wandered and stared into The Dark Side, listening for the voice and hearing naught but silence. She was well cloaked. She kept herself hidden. Kept herself shy.

When Ailsa woke it was in a panic. Her fingers clawed at her neck, breath short, body pressing up against the headboard of the bed. Everything looked strange, everything smelled medical. She wore clothes that she had not chosen, she lay in a room she had never seen. The hum of an engine and the whir of an air filter indicated that she was aboard a ship, but no one was around to signal otherwise.

Ailsa sat against the headboard, body curled up as she tried to swallow the tightness in her throat away. If she breathed through her mouth it stung, and if she breathed through her nose it did not feel like enough.

The door to her room opened, a man entering with his palms raised. "You need to calm down." He stated so simply as he watched the creature panting, hands on her neck, eyes wide as moons and skin just as pale. "You need to settle. You will be able to breathe when you settle."

Ailsa stared at him, gaze flitting over his form. He wore old boots and a new jacket, his hair gelled back in a pretentious style. He was offering an oxygen mask and she found herself taking it, settling it over her face as she began to breathe properly again.

"Where is this?" Ailsa's voice did not sound like her own. It was tight and rasped, crushed by The Force and a hand that wielded it so viciously. It could not have been Ben. How had she not seen it… "Where…"

"Hey, just relax, okay." The man set his hands down, pulling a chair near to the bed and encouraging the girl to lay back down. "You're on a freighter – _The Dauntless_. We heard about the attack on The Jedi Temple and came to find…what remained."

Ailsa searched his face and found so much hidden there. "What did remain?"

"Rubble."

"The…others?"

The man shook his head. "We took you before anyone else could find you. If any word of survivors got out – they would not remain survivors for long."

"I don't…I don't understand."

"Ailsa…"

"How do you know my name?" Her voice snapped. Tone rough and full of confusion. "Who are you?"

"Hey, remember to settle." The man encouraged the oxygen mask back up to the girl's face, guiding her hand gently back. She drew away from his touch and he could understand her hesitance. "You have a lot of healing to do. You are very lucky that you still have all your limbs."

Ailsa stared at him and said nothing, her gaze saying everything.

"Look." The stranger breathed and ran his hand through his hair, fingers cracking the gel that held it in place. "My name is Smith. It is not my real name – obviously. We are…a private organisation initially set up by the Jedi Council but who now run a more independent franchise."

The Skylander swallowed and realized for the first time that she had a drip inserted in her arm feeding her fluids. She noted that the blanket was warm, heated to keep her blood flowing and to move the healing process along.

"We know you are from Skye, Ailsa. We usually leave the Jedi to do as they choose, but other Force Users are rare. Many of your people have come into our fold and worked with us. You were taught of the Abhainn, yes? That is us. You flow from your mountains into the universe, and we reach out to you along the way."

Ailsa set the mask down for a moment, touching it to her chin in thought. "I do not understand."

"There are many groups of Force Users that are not Jedi or Sith. Or – so there were. The latest is the Knights of Ren, even if only a handful have The Force. We are similar, but not Dark. And we are similar in that we do not have many who are Force Sensitive. The others are from all over. We have had a handful from Skye and of them, you were taught by two."

The elder folk on her home planet had been so focused on teaching the old ways – the Abhainn. The line of grey, of a flow in The Force that kept balance and touched all; that felt all.

"Smith." Ailsa stated his name, testing it. "You are…what exactly then?"

"Spies. Assassins. Reconnaissance. All for a price."

"Mercenaries."

"Not quite. Mercenaries take any job, we take those that will benefit the greater universe. Take one life to save many, steal to give more away."

"You have a Robin Hood complex. I do not like it."

"You live it, Ailsa. It is what you were taught."

There was a silence between them. It was awkward, it stretched on and was tainted by the Skylander's confusion and hurt.

"My old mentors, back on Skye…they knew of this?" She wrapped the blanket about herself, seeking warmth to dull the pain that wormed its way through her.

Smith nodded. "They recommended you."

The Force Users of Skye had been known to move off into the universe and take on mercenary jobs. They had never been evil, nor left a black mark on the world, nor had they been a bright light of hope. They slipped in and held things up; silent supports for great systems. It made sense that such an organization existed.

"What are you called?"

"We have no name." Smith replied. "It is easier that way. We are ghosts."

Ailsa set the mask upon her face, grimacing as fresh air hit the back of her wounded throat. "Do they…think I am dead?"

"There were none to think when we arrived at The Temple."

Silence. A nod. A sense of mourning. "Can I go back to sleep? Can you put me back to sleep, please."

It was a statement, not a question. She needed the darkness. She needed the peace that it came with. Ailsa wanted to pull it about herself like a blanket and hide away.

Smith gave a single nod. He knew they had woken her too soon. But now she had more to dream on than nightmares. He reached into the drawer beside the bed, unlocking it with a code and retrieving a single syringe. It's needle was injected into the drip line and a fluid of silver-ish grey wound its way down toward Ailsa's arm.

Her veins were so blue. They stood out painfully, aching with every beat of her heart. She went back to sleep so easily, folding into restlessness. Smith took the mask away, he turned the lights down, and he left her to drift.

 _The Dauntless_ was a massive craft. It cradled the Skylander with ease, keeping her well monitored and safe. On board stood a multitude of men and women, all from different places, all of different races, all all present for one thing. Those of Skye called it Abhainn, referring to the flow of water from a mountain into the rivers and into the sea. The smallest flake of snow became part of the greater picture, adding to the movement of life on the planet.

Others called it balance.

Most called it grey.

All were there on the penny of a wealthy benefactor and their links to multiple accounts and planetary advisements across the universe. The ship and its staff were used by those who knew of its existence; they floated like a shadow and vanished into air. Tasks were brought to them by multiple states and only a few were ever answered; only those that would bring about balance. The nameless order was formed by those who had wished to do as they thought Jedi must, but who had not been given the gift of The Force. They had some Force Sensitive folk join on, and thus the myth of Grey Jedi was created. They curated those stories, let them drift. Let people think it just a tale.

It was easy to be a story. People picked stories up and put them down. They let them sit on shelves and evolve from mouth to mouth over time. That is what they were. Evolutionary. Fluid.

Ailsa was woken after another few days and given food. She had no appetite but the ache in her body had grown less. She had lost so many in the last week or more. She could only think of Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo.

Oh, Ben. That little boy. That gangly sprite she had known as a child, and the man who she had loved as a woman. He was the figure who had never quite grown into his ears, and in whose eyes she saw the whole universe. Her best friend. Her confidant. All shattered – all betrayed.

Ailsa wept in the darkness for him and his fall. She thought of Skywalker and how he had been the one to save her. In a moment of brightness, a spark lit by Luke, she began to return to the world of the living.

Luke would want balance. He would want peace. He would despair at news of The First Order and The Knights of Ren.

Days turned into weeks and Ailsa was put through rehabilitation. She recovered herself, and her fitness was brought back to where it had been. They taught her new skills, and the one other Force User they had on board turned out to be an elderly mentor from Skye. Ailsa had laughed for the first time when she saw him, embracing the man and touching him nose to nose in the manner of their people. He was ancient but he had known her since she was small. He had left for the nameless order when she had left for The Temple. He had left and waited for her there. He had been the one to pull her from the water. He had been the one to find her where she lay.

And now he was the one who resumed her training. He forced her to meditate, to sit upon the bridge of the ship and face the vast expanse of the universe. He forced her to look upon it, to feel it, and to realize how impossible it was to embrace it all. And then he told her to close her eyes and feel it, to move through the stars.

His name was Keir. He was gnarled like an old willow and his hair resembled sea grass. Yet he knew their ways. He knew her instincts. Keir would sit in silence and watch Ailsa. He would sit in silence and point out exercises for her to do. Occasionally he would speak in their tongue and hit her with his walking stick, telling her to sit straight and pay attention.

And he was the one who took her to her room each night and offered his hand, squeezing encouragement into the girl. He knew how she burned. He knew her pain. Keir never offered to help her with it; Ailsa was to bear that burden and carry it through. Only after a few months on the ship did he take her off and settle upon a small moon. It was made up mostly of water and stone, and there he told her to dive. The water was chilled, icy like it had been that night. Ailsa was thrown back to the burning forest and the snow. She felt an ache in her palm where the rocks had cut her as she fought to surface. Her nerves cried out at the memory of pain and long recovery.

Yet, beneath the waves lay Kyber Crystals. Never would she find another twin pair; her light sabers from her days of training were gone; lost to the snow and the destruction of The Temple. Instead, Ailsa found two crystals, one smaller than the other but both gleaming with the same light. She spent a long time under the water; she had to focus on the last time such cold had embraced her and move through it. She had to use her eyes, not her heart. Now the forbidden love of Jedi law made sense. Love hurt. It was beautiful but fragile, and when it shattered its pieces cut like a thousand knives.

Upon surfacing, Keir taught Ailsa to make her own light sabers. He armed her again; he helped her craft a new pair to fight with. He helped remake the girl, shaping her from pain and hope all at once.

Ailsa would never forget him. She would put him in stories for her people and let them think him a giant of the stars.

Her new weapons were different to the old. One light saber was longer than the other. They were wielded as a long, slender blade, and a short sibling. A knife and a sword, both glowing with the colour of the sea of Skye. Greyish blue, balanced out.

Keir never spoke of what had happened that day at The Temple. He never asked. He kept Smith away whenever he tried to come close and kept Ailsa in a world of Skye. Finally, he seemed to let the girl begin to venture, watching as she explored the ship.

 _The Dauntless_ was vast. Ailsa found solace in a viewing deck, and when she was not training could be found in the library or in her room. She did not speak to many others except in politeness. They all seemed to watch her sadly, seeing her as one of the last of her kind. Keir let out a _'psssh_ ' noise whenever he saw such an expression and scowled at Ailsa if he saw her thinking anything other than what he might be. It was weakness to focus on the thoughts of others in such a way.

After a short time Smith came back to Ailsa, sitting in the same chair as she herself sat upon the end of her bed. She was wrapped in clothes that fit this time, no longer hindered by drips and oxygen machines. Her voice had returned to normal, but her dreams were still haunting.

Smith talked the girl into joining their nameless venture, bringing her into their employ and setting her up with mentors who might guide her through training. No longer was The Force the only thing to hold her.

The universe beyond contained The First Order, The Resistance, The Knights of Ren, and everything in between. They watched, they listened, and they did not intervene. Not yet.

Eventually, they would join the battle, and never in a way that would make them visible. They made small changes, tipping the forces of battles, slipping information to relevant parties, extinguishing those who were truly corrupt. Ailsa did not see them as good nor evil. She was hands-on in setting slaves free from ships filled with living cargo. She was there when they destroyed a dam and flooded an industry that fueled the war and polluted a planet. She listened as bounty hunters and traders spoke of matters, as whispers came in from all corners of the galaxy. She listened and she relayed the information.

Ailsa trained with those she now called _The Nameless_. She trained with Keir in the ways of The Force. And she never forgot Ben Solo or Luke Skywalker, and she never forgot that hand at her throat and how it had tried to crush the life from her bones.

She would find that hand again. Eventually. She would find him and unmask him, and she would look into his eyes and see if Ben had died. Only then could Ailsa find peace. Only then would her heart stop burning.

* * *

 _A/N: If you are reading I would love to hear from you! Please leave a review and let me know how you feel about the story so far. This chapter is a bridging chapter into what is to come. We are now entering "The Force Awakens" territory and I'd like to establish where Ailsa has been during the time between the fall of The Temple and the events of the film.  
Please let me know if you like this length of chapter too! I can go longer if you wish.  
Thanks for reading!  
_


	10. Chapter 9

Time passed as it always did, somehow slipping by without foresight and only rendering itself apparent in hindsight. Ailsa trained harder than she had in her whole life and soon earned herself a place amongst The Grey Nameless who lived upon the ship. They floated through the sky, complete ghosts to the universe.

Yet one thing lingered in the Skylanders mind. One place called her back more than any other. Her homeland cried out to her in dreams, The Force showing her images of fire on windswept hills and waves crashing upon a silent shore. News had been filtering in that the First Order was hunting those with The Force. Surely they would not go to Skye; they had been so quiet for so long, and now Ailsa knew why. They were supposed to be grey; invisible like the salt spray that ended up everywhere before anyone knew it had come off the sea.

But her heart was heavy. Of all those in the Universe, the one many who knew of Skye was the one who led the fight against Force Users who were not on the side of Darkness. Kylo Ren. Ben. Kylo. Not Ben. Ben would never do such a thing.

Ailsa had been moved from the medical ward when she resumed her training in The Force. She had been given a small room with a big view. She had a window that took up most of one wall and looked out over the galaxy. A single bed, a chair, a desk, a bathroom that could only fit one. It was enough. It was a room for one person, and only one person ever inhabited it.

The woman spent a lot of time meditating in front of that window instead of sleeping. She could see through The Force better that way; she could see and feel Skye and touch it's vast fields. It was a happier time. It reminded her that though she had healed from the injuries sustained at The Jedi Temple, she had a scar over her soul that never quite knit itself shut. This was why Jedi did not love. Love left such marks that could not be ignored.

She had loved him. She had loved him with such a full heart. She had loved him as a friend and did not think she could care for anyone any more than she did. Yet he had shown her otherwise, and she had shown him. Ailsa was sure that Ben had felt the same. Her mind recalled long nights talking, telling stories. First they lay in the open, then side by side, then with skin on skin. She remembered what it felt to have the flesh of his body pressed so tightly to hers that she could not tell where he ended and she began.

And that was without the sex. That was just lying there tangled up; two heads of dark hair on a pillow made for childhood trainees. When they did make love it was as if time itself stood still. All there had been was breath and scent, the feel of a hand upon a shifting leg, entwined fingers, low gasps, blissful highs, and the simplicity of nearness and exploration. Even laugher

How time changed things.

How easily it influenced life.

Time had chipped away at Ben, moving in whispers, creeping up like the night on a summer's day. It crawled up to him, appearing beautiful at first before ensnaring him completely in darkness.

Ailsa stared out at the stars from her room. She sat on the floor and held one of her new lightsabers. It had to be cleaned. The other was pristine and lay nearby. She had been sent to a planet of sand just hours before and the little grains got in everywhere, ruining the feel of the weapon in hand, making it rough when it should feel smooth.

She had been tracking The Resistance and The First Order. That seemed to be all they did now. It was all that the large ship seemed to focus on. Two forces that shaped the universe. So black and white they did not see the grey lingering between them, watching from the center and surveying both sides.

A knock came at the door. It was Smith. He always knocked in a Wagnerian manner. "Ailsa, it's me." He also always spoke through the door.

She had to smile at that. For a man made mostly of mystery, he was exceptionally obvious. "It is unlocked."

The room opened with a silent whoosh, the man whose true name had never been given entering the room. He sat himself at the desk, folding himself into the space with the ease of a man who had lived on such a ship for many years.

She was becoming like that too.

She was becoming a nomad. A rumour rather than a real person. It was what the ship shaped them to be. They had to become nameless, and as war stirred anew, it became more important to stand in the background and watch unseen. All wars had spies. All wars were made up of grey areas.

Ailsa rose and set her lightsabers upon her bedside table before leaning a shoulder against the window. Smith watched her. She'd grown a little since she arrived; or so it seemed. He'd first seen her when she was sitting on the brink of death, breath so shallow and heart so slow it seemed impossible to bring her back. She was touched by ice. She had survived it.

"Are you alright, Ailsa?" Smith spoke with an odd smoothness, one that you had to get used to.

"Hmm?" Her brows raised to him, attention wavering. "Yes. Why?"

"You seem distant. Even, um, your trainer – I can never pronounce his name right – thinks so."

"Keir?" She responded, the corner of her mouth lifting as she pronounced the Skye name without fault. "I am surprised he conveyed such a thing to you at all. You and I both know he isn't here for whatever this nameless order is – he is here for the Skylanders who find themselves on board."

"Yes. I know. It just so happens that your Skylanders are the ones who need the middleman."

"Oh?"

"Don't pretend like your culture isn't a bit…rambunctious at times. We once had one Skylander throw a table clear across the room because he lost a drinking game."

Ailsa snorted in an attempt to hold a laugh back. She could see that happen. She had seen that happen. Her people had a great spirit in them, a red fire that burned in the cold. "Have I ever thrown a table?"

"No – and it worries me."

"Oh, so I should throw furniture?"

"Ailsa, please don't." He knew she could use The Force to her advantage, but he also knew that she understood where he was coming from. "You don't tell people about yourself. You don't…you don't smile a lot and when you do it is never that convincing."

She was silent. One person and one person alone knew what a real smile and a fake one looked like on her. That person was…she didn't know where he was. "I'm fine, Smith. I just need to be kept busy."

"You haven't talked about what happened at The Temple."

"I'm not going to talk about it."

"Why?"

"Would you? It is not something worth…revisiting." The death, the smoke, the chill so painful it felt like a thousand knives breaking her skin from within her flesh itself. So many bodies. So much hurt. He had betrayed her, cast her aside, intended for her to die. _He_ had done the same to Ben Solo. _He_ had thrown it all away for some whispers and a pull of power.

"Look, Smith. I am here because…I was never going to be a Jedi. You allow me to use The Force in the way I was trained to use it; you encourage it even. Let me do that. I am good at my job. I am good at the job you gave me. I owe this place my life, and without my life this place would not know about many beyond its reach."

Such words were very true. Ailsa had been very active in her time on board _The Dauntless_. She was an effective agent, slipping in and out of places without being noticed, going as a ghost and returning with harsh realities. They had information that could sway the war.

She had even assisted on a few assassination missions, standing as a lookout and finding proof. One death for the lives of many. Balance by removing a faltering force. It made sense to her. The deaths were quick and painless. As the saying went – their victims were in heaven thirty minutes before the devil knew they were dead. Yet, for most of them, the devil would surely come and claim them. If they believed in such things.

"We need you to go back to Skye." Smith leant forward in the chair.

"For what?" Ailsa hesitated.

"The First Order has been there."

Her posture stiffened a little. They had found scattered news of The First Order seeking out and finding Force Users, snuffing their lives out before they could turn to The Light. If they had been to Skye…

"You know the land and the people better than anyone. We need you to go."

"Okay." Ailsa replied a little too quickly. "Okay. Send me."

"Wait. You don't understand – you cannot go as yourself. No one can know it is you. If anyone hears that you survived…"

It was a great advantage to have Force User who was thought of as dead. No one looked for Ailsa. No one knew she lingered. No one knew she stood watch and waited for god-only-knows what.

"My family…"

"See that they are alive, but do not go to them."

She started to form words but faltered.

"Shall we send someone else?"

"No. You cannot afford to send anyone else. The First Order has their side of The Force. The Resistance has rumours of Luke Skywalker. You…you need me for balance. You need me."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was almost funny how time had not changed the little planet. Its folded cliff faces seemed unmoved, the waves the same hue, the wind the same bitter texture. Even the air tasted the same, the scent one of memory and childhood.

Ailsa landed a small craft on the planet, hiding it away in a sea-side cave and climbing the rocks as she had a thousand times before as a child. She had a hood up, hair tied back in a braid to hide it from any who may look. She was just a figure moving about. Folk had secrets on Skye. They did not bother those who looked like they were keeping some of their own, especially if that person wore the clothes of the planet and obeyed their customs. She knew what side of the road to walk on, she knew where to step on the path as not to slip. Nothing about her screamed _stranger_ so they thought her one of theirs.

She was one.

She had been.

Once.

The first thing that shocked her system upon her return was the skeletal remains of a house near her own. It stood there, charred right down to the ground. It looked like a gaping tooth in a weathered smile.

It had been Ben's house. It had been their place for a fortnight. All others in the circle stood untouched, but that home had been leveled. It was so obvious that it had been there. The texts of it's history were gone, but the gap was telling. It's vacancy screamed to be noticed.

The woman stood in front of the remains of the home, the ashes damp and stirring. Cold. No sign was posted there, just a single First Order flag. Everyone knew that Ben Solo had stayed there; the nephew of Luke Skywalker. He was a Force User. He had been such a wonderful boy.

The school for Force Users had been leveled too, this time by gunfire. Its remains were jagged and hollow. It had been empty for some time.

Kylo Ren knew the stories of Skye. Ben Solo knew the stories, and Kylo Ren had used them. Word travelled in the voices of that planet, things became so obvious there.

Do not use The Force. Do not teach it. Do not think it. Do not be it. If you do – you will burn.

They all thought Ailsa dead. This was confirmed by a plaque under the family tree. It had her name on it, it had the date of her birth and the date of her death. Already the engravings were lined with sea salt blown off the water. Flowers lay there; fresh ones too. They had been set that day.

Ailsa looked to the houses she had known as a child. She looked to home. If she returned her name would not be the only one on the tree. They would burn a fire for her on the solstice. They would sing for her. She was dead.

He had killed her. He had killed what she had been and removed her from the life she had led like one might cut a bough from a tree. So be it. If that is what kept them alive, then so be it.

Ailsa found she was crying as she stood there, fingers touched upon her own name. She wandered up the hill to the filed she and Ben had first played in. She picked some wildflowers and carried them down, setting them beside those lain for her and mourning the loss of that boy.

The First Order had been there. But they had not killed anyone. No Force User died upon that place. No child was cast down. It felt as if only one had set foot upon Skye, and that no others had known. It felt as if the burning had been a secret. It felt as if that fire had been a protection. They could say they had been there, the residents could claim it so.

And yet they lived.

It was a bitterly confusing state. It did not make sense after the events at The Jedi Temple.

Maybe it was because they were grey. They were not light. There was no light there to be snuffed out, just a little glow. Sometimes a glow was enough. Sometimes it was enough to be left alone.

Ailsa left that place easily. She left Skye knowing she could not leave herself. She hoped to be back when the war was over. It would take years. But they would be safe; Skye would be safe and so would everyone she had loved and everything that had shaped her.

"What comes next?" Were the first questions Ailsa asked when she handed in her report to Smith.

"We have more information on the general of The First Order."  
"Hux?"

"Yes." Smith leant back, this time in his own chair in a room lit by lights and not the stars. "Yes, Hux…" He spat the name a little, it irritating his tongue. "I do not like him. He is…too fanatical."

"Do we not wish to end this war?"

"We wish to keep balance."

"War is not a balanced thing."

"Yes. But we cannot be a player in this game, Ailsa. You know this."

"So how do we cheat?"

Smith smiled briefly. "You want Hux?"

"I want to be part of this. This is it now."

The man nodded, the heavily gelled strands of his hair not moving. "We know that Hux and his counterpart, Kylo Ren, have some animosity toward each other. Their actions go against what our sources suggest. They oppose each other, even overstepping bounds to out pace the other."

That did sound like Kylo. Ben. Kylo. Fuck. Ailsa blinked. "Is that not good though?"

"Loose cannons are never good." Smith hesitated. "I do not want to put you in a position with Kylo Ren that could compromise your…actions."

"Kylo Ren is a mask."

"The man behind it…you have a history."

"The man behind it and Ben Solo are not the same."

"That is rarely the case in these situations. Even Vader came returned to The Light."

Her jaw tightened a little. "It won't be a problem."

Smith leant forward with a sigh and offered the woman a piece of paper. "Good. We need to know about Hux. We need to know about this base they are building; where it is, how it is operating, any weaknesses in design. He is leading this charge. Find out about it. Don't let them find you. Be a shadow, be a ghost. Speak only to this com line, and do only as we tell you."

She nodded. Understood. That was that. That was how it all went now. She trained and she worked and she was a ghost. On Skye she was dead, at the Temple she was murdered, and to Ben Solo – who knew. Perhaps they were ghosts together. Only time would tell what would happen when ghosts found each other once more.

* * *

 _A/N: Hello lovely folk! Thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a review - I'd love to hear from you. Constructive criticism is more than welcome!_


	11. Chapter 10

Ghost stories have a way of gathering traction. The First Order had their own spies, The Knights of Ren learned things in their own way, and The Resistance was capable at gathering information. Everywhere there were whispers, and many of them about the opposing side. Many were started falsely to set people in the wrong direction, to lay traps, and to create scandal.

And then there were The Nameless. No one spoke of them. No one knew of them. They came and went under the guise of a freighter, often carrying goods for trade and transporting large items between planets. They made funds that way, and it gave many members an excuse to slip into secret markets and dark cantinas to gather Intel and meet clients. Such clients never wanted to be known and they never spoke. There was a war that had just started and one had to be careful when playing both sides.

Ailsa sat at the bar of a cantina one day with a cup of sweet liquor and a hood pulled over her head. She wanted some time to herself. The planet was bustling, a city full of people, warmed by bodies, never silent. The woman toyed with an information stick, swinging it over her fingers like one would with a coin. They were of about the same size, but this one was far more valuable. This little rectangle held all the information they needed about the First Order's construction plans. They had a blueprint of the Star Killer Base.

Ailsa had done a lot to achieve such information. She held the device up to the light. So small, and yet so significant. She pursed her lips together, wondering at what she might find. Maps, layouts, finances. Dull things. Dull things came with names. Names were attached to people. People talked.

The Skylander set the device into a pocket hidden in the collar of her shirt, tucking it in as she sat herself in the shadow of her hood. The hand of a man appeared on her waist. She said nothing and did not move. He reached around her front. She took a drink and looked at him. He said something lewd. She broke his thumb. Ailsa was kicked out of the cantina for that, lithe frame stepping back onto streets lit by dirty lights. She sighed and wished she could see the stars. It had been so long since she had seen the aurora on Skye. How she wished she could see that aurora again…

The disk in place she headed for the safe-house. It was a nice place; neat as a pin and nearly as small. But it was sealed off and silent. It had to be. The woman slipped the information into the droid that sat by the door, immediately relaying the blueprints to _The Dauntless_. Smith appeared on a hologram, his form blue and wibbly as it hovered above the droid.

"Is this all of it?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"You look like shit."

"I know." Ailsa sat on the coffee table across from the image and pushed her hood back, fingers working her hair out of its braid and letting it fall free over her shoulder. "I haven't slept in a while."

"Why?"

"Because I had to steal the information. The house was not as poorly guarded as suggested."

"Ah."

"Ah indeed."

"You staked it out?"

"Yeah."

"No one saw you?"

"No. I managed to get in and out without being seen."

"Your master was good to suggest you for this. He was right about you being an expert in stealth."

Ailsa nodded. She was exhausted. She'd not been so tired since the day she'd woken for the first time with The Nameless. "There are details about Hux there too. He's…uh…he's got big plans for that weapon they're building. He's already looking for victims. Planets. Whole systems."

Smith was silent, his hologram wavering. "Systems? It can do that?"

It had been horrifying to learn of, but indeed – the Star Killer Base did more than just erase moons. "Small systems at least. I did not get a good look, but it looks like if they get a big enough star to power the weapon…"

"Shit."

"I know." Ailsa ran a hand over her face. The war had just taken a turn that no one knew about. "It is not good. Their Supreme Leader has Hux in charge of the base, and Kylo Ren as its commander. Captain Phasma is present too. It seems they have boarded and are already residing upon it."

"They are creating Storm Troopers."

"They are _stealing_ Storm Troopers." Ailsa mentioned. "Kids. Not clones."

"It just gets better and better."

Silence.

"Get some rest, Ailsa. We'll analyze this. Good work. A ship will pick you up tomorrow."

She nodded. She rarely had that much to say to Smith. He had been there when she woke up in her new life, but he had not been there to learn of who she had been. Who she had been had shaped her now more than any training or meditation could have. The woman was becoming a master at her craft; secret service. It all felt very _Cold War_ but without the gadgets. Most of the time she needed to move without her light sabers – no one could know that anyone from The Temple had lived.

Rumors of Skywalker wandered about in their own skin though. Ailsa paid attention to them, she followed their leads and listened closely. Luke was alive. A desire in her grew to find him, but she knew that such a desire would be burning in the heart of Kylo Ren. News of a map surfaced and no doubt the chase was on. Kylo did not know he was in a race, but indeed he was now.

Ailsa returned to the ship feeling poorly rested. She was sent to the medical wing of their floating city and given sleeping pills and instructions take them and recover. Smith was present when the girl awoke, sitting on the chair at her desk.

"You never lock your door." He said with a small smile.

Another place, another time, they would have been such good friends. Ailsa offered him a smile in return, offering kindness but no reciprocation. "You're being creepy."

"You like it."

"I would if your hair didn't always look like it was wet."

"You like that too."

She gave him a long suffered look. "Was the information good?"

"Very. Someone is going to be in a lot of trouble when The First Order finds out such information is missing."

"Wasn't that the point?"

The man offered a newer smile, wondering where her crooked grin had gone. He saw it occasionally, but only really when she was in private. Reading a book, speaking to her masters, chatting in her own tongue to friends from Skye. Her guard rarely came down, but when it did it was a beautiful thing. It was easy to see how Ben Solo had loved her, and hard to believe that Kylo Ren had been able to overcome it.

"So – Hux."

Ailsa sat up and sipped from a cup of water beside her bed. Her tongue tasted of sleeping pills, but her head was clearer and her body felt more energized. She'd developed a slight addiction to the drug and had to be weaned off it. Sometimes she pushed a little too hard on missions just to get a dose to help her recover. It was a small habit to disguise large nightmares; ones that left her cold, clinging to rocks with no air in her lungs, forced down by the water of the falls and aching with a chill that burned through every limb.

"Ailsa." Smith spoke her name sharply. "Where did you go just then?"

The girl blinked. "Sorry. Sorry. Still half asleep."

"I've known you for a number of years now, you don't typically drift off."

"I guess I am still tired."

"You do look like shit still."

"You like it."

The man shook his head before offering a small envelope to Ailsa. "Hux."

Small envelopes meant one thing; it was a bit of a tradition to invite death upon an individual, to make it formal. It was like telling all the gods people believed in that a ghost was coming. Only the ghost got to RSVP.

Ailsa took the envelope and opened it. The man's name was there, as was the reason behind plans for his demise. "I cannot get to him in the base."

"We know." Smith stated. It would be her first solo kill. "We need you to reveal your Force Sensitivity to them."

Her eyes grew a little, a brow raised. "Why?"

"Their Supreme Leader needs to know that you can hide from him. It may be the shock they need to reconsider many of their plans."

"Why?"

"If they are thinking, they are not moving."

"And maybe Skywalker will know."

"Yes. Maybe Skywalker will know, and maybe you can get in touch. We need him."

'Everyone needs him."

"So…we'll get him."

Ailsa closed the envelope again and used The Force to crumple the paper into a ball, hovering it above her palm before tossing it into the air and striking it with the live blade of one of her lightsabers. The room lit up for a moment, then fell back to its normal hue. The woman set her weapon back on her bedside and looked to Smith.

"How do we get Hux?"

"How does one get any rat?" He grinned. "You have to use bait."

"Ah." Suddenly it was clearer. Her powers. A Force User. "They will send Kylo Ren. Hux doesn't get his hands dirty."

"Good. We need Ren first."

"The target is General Hux though?" Her brow furrowed, body still clothed in sheets. Smith kept trying to pry into her life. He kept misplacing what might be an appropriate time to do so.

The man leant forward. "Kylo Ren needs to fail in this task so that Hux gets sent to do it himself."

"You want me to beat Kylo Ren?"

"Don't kill him."

"Hmmm."

"Ailsa, seriously. Do not kill him."

"Why not?"

"I think you know why not."

Ben Solo. Somewhere Ben Solo might remain. Somewhere there was still light. Ailsa shook her head a little as she tried to sort her thoughts out. "Okay."

Smith rose and headed to the door. He was stopped by her voice calling his name.

"Please stop coming in here when I'm sleeping."

"It's creepy, huh?"

"So creepy."

"Noted."

She gave him one of her lopsided smiles and rolled back over in bed, thinking hard about what was to come.

The new day brought new resolve and Ailsa was sent to a small planet away from much of civilization. It was snowing there. It always seemed to be snowing. But there was a sea and the taste of salt. There were high cliffs – not as regal as those on Skye but pretty enough.

Ailsa sat on one with her hands on her lap. She meditated as she had as a child, facing the water, sea-grass at her back. She let her guard down enough for her Force to be heard, to be sensed. It felt so good to do so; she had been hiding for so long, she had been disguising her sensitivity for so many years that she had nearly forgotten what it felt like to just sit and be herself; to be a user of The Force. It was a beautiful thing, such a quiet moment punctuated only by waves.

The dark whispers were sharp in their turn toward her mind. They seemed to sniff at her like a dog, wandering through The Force, feeling for the girl. She simply sat and waited. Sat and meditated. They would come. Kylo Ren would come.

Ailsa wore clothes for the cold. She had a scarf on that covered her from the bridge of her nose to her neck and a hood that covered her head. The wind picked up and called for goggles. All were in a pale white, all crisp and soft, some nearly blue in their hue. They hid her in the snow; hid her from anyone who did not know she was there.

Kylo knew. She sensed him arrived and felt herself grow cold despite the layers she wore to prevent such a feeling. They both would be masked for this.

Yet…something caused the young woman to pause. Kylo Ren had not come with his knights. He had come with Hux himself. He had come with a platoon of Storm Troopers. Even Phasma herself was there.

This was not the plan. But it would do. The aim was to kill Hux. He had an invitation with death – as cliché as that might sound.

The woman sensed them coming up the hill but did not move. She sat and meditated, drawing on The Force, breathing it in, finding her balance and the strength there-in.

Kylo Ren was the first to arrive, the sound of his lightsaber powering up indicative of his intention. "Rise."

That voice sent a chill up her spine. She did not know that voice. He would be in that helmet, his eyes hidden. Ailsa did not move.

"I said to rise." The man's footsteps crunched as he drew nearer. She did not move.

A gust of wind met the rising of his weapon, the sea air so fresh and cold. Ailsa wished it were a little warmer and that she was alone, standing there with her face to the breeze and her mind on home.

As the red saber came down it was met with a blast of The Force, a barrier around the woman sending the attacker back a step and stirring the snow in an outward circle. She rose with his intentions fully declared and looked upon the man in black.

He would see a figure clad for winter. Perhaps Resistance, perhaps something else. Definitely with The Force and therefore to be destroyed. Snoke had said to destroy her; he had not found a door into her mind and such a thing was not worthwhile.

In the distance stood a small platoon of Storm Troopers, Phasma, and Hux. In front of Ailsa stood a figure all in black, a looming height of power. He radiated strength. He had grown in force. So had she.

"I have risen." Her voice was muffled by her clothing, eyes hidden behind mirrored glasses that showed Kylo Ren only his own faceless mask. "Is this what you wanted?"

"No." Was the basic reply.

He swung at her again, his lightsaber met with one of her own this time. The red, wavering blade she had seen so many years ago send a shock of betrayal through the woman. That weapon, that night…She forced Kylo Ren back with a blast of The Force and followed him down the slope a few steps, moving from the cliff and toward a small copse of trees nearby.

"You intend to kill me?" Ailsa stated. "Why?"

"You are not aligned with The First Order."

"You never asked if I was."

"I shouldn't have to." He drove against her hard, their weapons meeting time and time again. She could not bring herself to attack him. He moved the same. He felt the same to fight. This was…Ben. Kylo. One of them. Both of them. Ailsa hesitated and was thrown back toward the trees. The Storm Troopers began to advance.

"Are you working for The Resistance?" Kylo Ren leered in close, reaching out with his mind to invade hers.

Ailsa blocked him out violently, furious at such an intrusion. That was not Ben. She finally struck out at the man, her second lightsaber lighting up as she wheeled at him, striking over and over. The glow of their weapons lit the snow up, the warmth of their breath creating a fog.

"Who sent you?!" He yelled at her, frustrated. Another Force Users. A mystery. Someone who might be like him.

She realized he was lonely. But so was she – and all because he had thrown her into an icy river and left her to die. "Death sent me." Ailsa replied, their weapons pressed tight, their faces so close and yet lost between masks and hoods and blocked minds between.

"An assassin…" He nearly laughed.

"A ghost." She brought her leg up, knee coming up to launch into Kylo Ren's side. Ailsa straightened her leg after making contact, driving her shin into the point of impact as she leant back against the forward drive of his lightsaber and swung her own around to make contact with his shoulder.

He was quick to duck under such an attack and launched The Force at his opponent, using her momentum to flip her. Ailsa managed to land on her feet a short distance away before advancing again on him in a rage of betrayal and cold memory. The snow again. Always in the snow. And yet the smell of the sea brought back the knowledge that Ben might still be in there. She never made a strike to kill; not because it was against her mission but because it was against what she felt was right in him. She could not kill that boy.

The emotion was overwhelming and so conflicting, the battle occurred within Ailsa as well as through her actions. It drove her power but saw her blind to how close Phasma and Hux had come. She started to forget her mission. She saw only the mask.

They moved quickly, like lightening striking multiple times in the same place. Again and again and again they hit a balance, never quite overpowering the other, never quite finding a firm enough footing.

Finally Ailsa leapt up a little, one lightsaber forcing his down and away as a leg came up and aimed at his head. She could have driven her spare weapon through his gut, even across his neck. But she didn't. He caught her movement with ease; she'd done this before but he did not remember yet. She was spun back around as she had been in The Temple, suddenly facing him and headed for the ground. Instead of hitting her with his weapon he caught her by the back of the neck, memory and instinct reminding him of one day so long ago.

Time paused for a moment, the snow they had stirred up hanging there. So many years ago. So much time…and yet…

Back then there had been no mask, no hiding. He'd pulled her up and kissed her for the second time. Kylo paused for a long moment and Ailsa felt fear. She did not know why she was afraid.

Her lightsabers were turned off when he dropped her, her body quick to move away to watch the man. He did not turn his weapon off, but he was conflicted. Something in him stirred and she felt it.

She was so focused on this that she did not see Phasma giving an order. The Troopers had all of their weapons focused on the figure in white, all guns set to max power. Hux stood with a little smile; one so disconcerting that it left many unnerved.

The troopers opened fire all at once, focusing their shot as a single beam on the opponent before them. Ailsa saw the blast of red coming at her, its power hot and fast, burning away the grass and ensuring the snow was a mere memory in its path. She raised her hand just in time, throwing up a barrier with The Force in the millisecond before the beam hit.

The impact was immense and it sent the girl flying. She tumbled through the air, body hot from combat and now twisting in a manner she had not intended. The only thing to stop her was the trunk of a nearby tree, its bark catching her ribcage roughly and stopping her path. Ailsa hit the ground hard after that, landing on her back and suddenly without air. Not only did the breath rush from her lungs, but the attempt to bring oxygen back to her system was wet and half-baked. Pain erupted through her side, spreading with vicious intent. It ripped through her body and mingled with the blood in her mouth. She coughed and found herself trying to prop her body up in the snow. Her hood had fallen back, the goggles shattered from the shot. She ripped them off and threw them aside, one hand holding to her side as if it might help hold the pain together in a more manageable form, the other pulling the scarf down so she could breathe. No air seemed to come; not enough. It felt like she was drowning again, this time in heat and not in the cold.

She was somehow on her front, knees under her body, hand on the ground, the other still trying to pull her body together. Ailsa was gasping, head reeling. She looked up and saw that mask. That fucking mask.

He would have seen her eyes. For some reason he noticed her cheekbones more. They seemed to stand out like mountains on her features, with two great moons above watching over the planes of her face. Her mouth was stained with blood – teeth too. She looked like she was being robbed of air and she had begun to tremble from pain.

Kylo Ren did not move. He just stared. Hux was the first to reach the figure, her body somehow still trying to get upright, scrambling in the snow. He grasped her by her hair and hauled her up, causing a small cry to leave the woman as her body was lifted and the cracks in her ribcage opened and shattered further.

Hux.

Hux.

This was him. Up close he looked like a bitter winter's day. One someone had lit on fire. He might have been laughing at her. She couldn't hear him over the pain. It was so silent, her feet scrambling to hold her, her body not wanting to stay up. Her jaw shook, but her hand was fast. One clutched his, the other was deft in its motion from her side.

Ailsa drove a small blade through Hux's ribcage, twisting it to crack the bones so he might feel the pain he had inflicted upon her. He let out a cry and dropped her, hand quick to strike the girl and force her head toward the tree that had crushed her side.

She watched him, the wind bitter. Captain Phasma was the first to The General's side, the storm troopers all assembled quickly to aid him. He went to his knees. His eyes were on Ailsa, his gaze so bitter and furious, so pained.

She was drowning. She was drowning in her own blood as he stared at her like that. The impact had broken her ribs, it had sent one into her lung and now it filled with blood and not with air. Ailsa could not stop the shaking. She could not stop gasping for air. She could not hear any of it.

All started to fade. Her eyes went to Kylo Ren; eyes the colour of the sea on a stormy day. She looked at him as a scent much like the one from Skye lifted up and carried over them, stirring snow to blur the line between friendship and _that_ day. Ailsa offered one of those lopsided grins he had come to know before letting her head fall back against the ground. The wind stirred the small copse, the trees all so old and strengthened by years on the edge of the sea.

That was all she remembered before losing consciousness. Just the air and the sea. The salt, the cold, and The Force.

* * *

 _A/N: So Kylo Ren finally sees Ailsa again. Let me know what you thought of the chapter! I would love your feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome. If you are reading please review! It is great to hear from you.  
Please note - there will be more chapters. Stay tuned, I will post ASAP._


	12. Chapter 11

For a very long time Ailsa believed that she was dead. She wandered through dreams, thinking that the afterlife had been nothing like any religion had described it. It was a hazy collection of memory and it was touched with colors of pain and lights of laughter.

She saw herself as a child, her own face blurred somewhat as she played with a dark haired boy on a windswept hill. They were so happy, so full of joy and life. They had been just the same when they met as young adults, only in a more grown up way.

Or so she had thought.

The pain in her side stung viciously. Her mouth tasted of copper. It felt as if she had been running flat out on an icy day, moving without pause until her lungs were raw and her interior frozen.

And then everything got disoriented; it grew blurred and mixed and no line could ever be drawn solidly.

Back in reality a medic of The First Order was administering painkillers, still on that barren planet of sea-grass and bitter winds. Hux had been attended to first and was already on the ship that had brought him hence, but there had still been some life in the girl and, for some reason, an order had been made to bring her to the base for interrogation instead of leaving her to the elements.

The whites of her clothes were stained with blood, and thus far she was the only one bare faced in the wind. Even General Hux had been given some protection, but her own goggles had been shattered by the blast of the troopers, and her scarf had been pulled from her mouth in an attempt for air.

They moved her without much mercy, simply shifting the woman from one point to the ship. Hux spat distaste at her presence, his figure prone and furious as a small team worked to remove the blade from his side. He had a cracked rib and a rather decent gash in his torso, but he would live.

Ailsa was set unceremoniously upon the floor, the single medic she had attending her continuing to work. Kylo Ren hovered like a shadow. She saw him in her drug soaked dreams; he stood there and blocked out the light. Just stood. So silent.

Her wounds were far more grievous than those she had delivered upon her target. Three ribs broke upon impact with the tree, one puncturing into her lung. There was massive internal bleeding. That much they could tell so far. The blast from the trooper shot had given her a concussion too, and no doubt there were further injuries that a simple emergency kit could not detect.

Air from her lung leaked into Ailsa's chest cavity instead of into her system. Blood soaked under the skin and when the medic folded her garment up to get to her ribcage her skin was already purple and black with bruising, slightly misshapen for the breaks beneath.

There was not much formality to putting a tube in to drain the air as they moved. Ailsa had not realized how heavy she had felt until suddenly the pressure was relieved. Her chest felt light and she floated up to the ceiling, her mind at face height with Kylo Ren, looking at General Hux as he started to fade out a little.

A simple blade was never enough. A little poison went a long way. The mission might yet be completed.

Time began to fade again, space drifted. Coherence had already been thrown to the wind, as had any attempt to call for aid. She lay in her own body and felt every inch of pain, all of it moving in waves that were only ever dulled by the low tide of the painkillers.

For a long time, she continued to think that she was dead and her ghost had come to haunt Kylo Ren. Such a thought amused Ailsa in her dreams. She would wait until he was asleep and then turn all his lights on. Hide his lightsaber. Put liquid soap in his boots. Pain killers were so poor with pranks.

But soon she was drawn to a depth. Her body was low on oxygen, barely breathing. She'd been to such a place before. There had been no blood that time; all she'd tasted was water. Ailsa felt herself falling over that waterfall with greater acuity than ever before. It had not been a long drop, but she remembered how it plunged her into the lake. The water had been black in the night. It made her nerves wake and scream louder as she fought to grip the rock face. She'd felt every graze and bruise delivered by the river. She'd known the pain of being airless.

She knew that pain again now, only this time she kept drowning over and over again in her own blood, held just on the side of life by an order given by a mask.

When she did wake her head hurt, her eyes were sensitive to the lights, and her skin was marred by scrapes. Someone had cleaned the blood off; medics tended to do that. Her chest was wrapped tightly, restricting her breathing, holding together her ribcage as the bones were re-set.

The ceiling was a cold grey. The walls were slightly darker. No windows. No bedside table. No counter. Not even a drip or droid or any medical equipment. They'd stripped everything else away; removed anything that might be used as a weapon.

Ailsa tried to move a hand and found it bound by a metal cuff to the railing of the bed. The other was held just as securely and her feet were held together by a device that was much the same.

She blinked hard, pain radiating through every limb. She felt physically ill, head spinning, stomach reeling. Her ears hummed slightly. All leftovers from the blast. They'd all fired at once; a useful tactic. The Force had kept her alive but had not been enough to keep her on her feet.

"You're awake." The voice was distorted, harsh. "Good. We'll begin."

He'd been standing there, just beyond her periphery, up against the wall behind her head. Ailsa tried to turn to look at him but sparks of pain flew through her vision and she grew dizzy once more. There was little to do except lay there and watch as Kylo Ren made himself visible at the bedside.

"Don't resist. You cannot escape this place."

Ailsa said nothing.

He watched her through his mask. He had not seen her face with his own eyes yet. He did not know that her eyes were the same colour, her skin the same hue. Her hair was a bit longer, and a little darker. She seemed a little leaner too; trained harder, worked longer.

"You are supposed to be dead."

"You would know." They were the first words that left her, each sounding rasped and every one coming out slowly as they robbed her of what little air the one working lung could manage.

"How did you survive the attack on The Jedi Temple? Did others make it out?"

She stared at that mask, looking at it as if she might see right through him. "Besides Skywalker?"

"What do you know of Skywalker?"

The corner of Ailsa's mouth turned up a little. She returned her gaze to the ceiling. So Kylo Ren was after Luke. Of course he was. But it was confirmation that the Jedi Master had indeed survived.

"You can tell me, or I can find out." Kylo mentioned stoically, leaning down toward the woman. He reached his hand forward and the The Force trembled.

Ailsa felt him touching her mind and she brought herself to defend against the assault. He had gotten in briefly but was forced back, barred from seeing more than a blur.

"Don't." She turned her head ever so slightly to stare at him more closely, to memorize that mask and its every mark.

"I am stronger than you, and you are weak – weaker now in this state. You owe me your life."

"No. I'd say we're even now after the first time you tried to kill me." The longer sentence had her feeling breathless, body already growing weary. "Take that mask off. You look ridiculous."

Kylo leant back and stood over her for a long moment. She half expected him to leave the room. Half expected someone else to be under there. But his hands unclipped the helm and there he was. He was older, he looked tired. But his eyes were the same. The curve of his mouth was the same. No doubt he smelled as he always had and tasted like the man she knew. You can change a mind but shedding skin is different. It is why the body was still so important, even in an age of such technology.

"You always had such beautiful eyes." Ailsa spoke softly.

Kylo tightened his jaw and held his helmet under his arm, back rimrod straight and gaze hard. He saw her clearly now. She was in a lot of pain. She had a lot of secrets. Without another word he reached out again, eyes on Ailsa's as he touched her mind.

She threw him back again, this time the effort leaving her feeling drained, spinning her head a thousand times and giving the room an unnatural haze.

"Ben Solo is dead. Why love a ghost?"

The woman swallowed, eyes closed as she tried to get her mind back. "That is what you found? Is that what you went looking for?"

Kylo Ren was silent. "You are afraid I'll discover something. I can turn your mind; I can look at it all."

"So do. Is that not what you saved me for?" She opened her gaze to him again, watching that face, finding it to be just the same. Faces rarely changed. They just got lost sometimes. "Scared of what you'll see? I remember you. I remember all of you – ever single piece." Ailsa took a breath, words all so slow and covered in pain and exhaustion. "I know who you are under all…that. I know what your laugh sounds like. How long since you laughed, Ben?"

"Don't call me that!" He roared suddenly, gripping the railing of the bed with a gloved hand and leaning in close to the woman. She did not deviate from his hard glare, but he could feel how hesitant she was to hold such a gaze. She did not want to see him like this. Not again. "My name is Kylo Ren."

"So look into my mind. See the night you threw me into that river to drown. Ben Solo died that night, and Ailsa of Skye did too. But we didn't, did we?" She could barely manage any sound above a whisper. She was thirsty, her mouth tasted like blood and sand. "I'll show you other things too. I'll show you the first time you kissed me. Remember? Up in that tree. You burned it down, but it's still there in my head. What about Skye? All those little adventures…"

His hands nearly ripped the bedframe apart, his mouth letting out a yell of fury before spinning away from the young woman. Kylo Ren could not look too closely; he would see Ben. He was already tempted by the light, already drawn to it, seeing it in his sleep calling him back. Ben Solo had experienced so much light with this woman. He had found such joy in her.

It would be easier to let her die. To cast her into space and leave it at that; leave her to the darkness.

But that little sliver of light would not let it be. He convinced himself that it was the information he needed. He had to know where she came from.

"Who sent you?" Kylo turned back to her, demeanor cold, distant. "Who ordered you to kill Hux?"

Ailsa inhaled carefully. "Is he dead?"

"No." A smirk found his features. "Disappointed?"

"He probably feels as poorly as I do." The poison of the blade was excruciatingly unpleasant. "But yes."

"Who. Sent. You?" He drew out each word, just about hissing them. "The Resistance? Are you working for The Resistance?"

Ailsa shook her head smally. "No. Or maybe. Maybe I work for The First Order. It is not so black and white."

"Ah. So we might turn you after all?"

"Did your Supreme Leader tell you that?"

Kylo blinked. "You know a great deal of The First Order, don't you? I wonder if you know just as much about The Resistance…"

Ailsa could not bring herself to say much more. Her body was yelling at her, moaning for a break, creaking at every joint. She wanted to roll over and sleep for years but her hands were bound and she was stuck upon her back. She drifted a little in her mind, guard down and then suddenly back up as soon as she remembered not to leave an opening for this man. She hated this man. This…Kylo Ren.

"I was so mad at you." Ailsa did not speak to that mask. "Did I believe a lie back then, or are you living one now?"

"You are weak. You are a fool. You always were."

"And you were bright and beautiful and the bravest man I'd ever met."

The mask went back on after such a comment. "I need you alive…for now." The voice was changed. "You may not be so lucky when I am through getting what I need from you."

Ailsa swallowed and watched him leave, still half believing that she was dead and that the afterlife was a bitterly disappointing place to be.

* * *

 _A/N: Hi all. If you are reading please be sure to leave a review! I'd love to hear from you and know what you think fo the story so far. I dont bite and constructive criticism is more than welcome!  
_


	13. Chapter 12

The healing process was very slow and well encumbered by The First Order. They saw that she was on the mend but cared little about painkillers – no doubt an order delivered by Hux.

The red-headed general had been mended quickly, state of the art medical equipment seeing him back to his duties within a few days. He had been incredibly sick and had cursed the Skylander throughout his time in the medical bay. Pain and poison on a double-edged blade.

Ailsa, however, remained confined to a bed, unable to move and only allowed a small fraction of mobility at meal-times.

Hux came to visit the girl as soon as he was upright, the sharp ache in his side the only remnant of her attack. Kylo Ren had not been back to her, and he had not used his power to invade her mind and get answers to questions held by The First Order.

The general laughed when he saw her there, face framed by dark hair, eyes blazing but circled by lines of pain and exhaustion. Her injuries made sleep hard, the pain drifting through her with every breath. The laugh was not loud nor well humored, but rather given as a deserved sensation – a 'serves you right' noise that came from the back of the throat and growled it's way forward.

"Bet you wish we could swap places." He mused, only his face exposed. Gloves, boots, hat, jacket. Hiding. Maybe. Hux crossed the barren room, the woman and her bed sitting there like a piece of art to be approached and viewed. Floating there as the only living thing in a sterile environment. "Unfortunately for you…your attempt failed."

"But it seems you got the message." Ailsa breathed, words just as slow as they had been with Kylo but this time tainted with tiredness and aching. "I trust you understand."

"Yes." His expression became very suddenly serious, posture rigid, hands folded behind his back as he looked down his nose at the young woman. "I got a message, but the sender did not sign. I assume you are Resistance? But…ah, see, one in the Resistance would not act in such a ghostly manner. They have enough courage to own their attempts."

"So they should. War has two faces and neither side should hide."

"But yours did."

"No. We don't hide. You just fail to look."

Hux set a hand on the railing around the bed, on where the cuff that held one of her hands was secured to the metal. His finger drifted over the binding, contemplating it, pointing it out. "You know what I have come to ask. Who, and why?"

"You are an intelligent man. The 'why' should be fairly obvious."

"Oh?" A brow lifted. He wanted to test her. He wanted to see what she knew. "And _why_ is that?"

"We're in it."

Hux's mouth turned up in a sly grin, mind acutely aware of the Star Killer Base and it's power. "Ah. So you know about this marvel of engineering. I wonder who you've told? The list of questions keeps growing, woman."

"Did you not learn my name?"

"I don't care about your name. I care about what you know."

Ailsa stared up at him. From her angle, all she could see was a jacket, a chin, a pair of red eyebrows. "Not sure I'd survive your methods just yet."

"I don't care. You are disposable."

"I do not know that your Supreme Leader would agree. A Force User he failed to detect for so long? What a pity."

"That failure falls upon Kylo Ren." There was a silence. Hux's gaze changed, brow furrowing for a split second as he drew a few lines together. "He did not kill you. He did not interrogate you…."

Ailsa watched the man piece together the puzzle of The Force and how time had shaped its presence in the universe.

"He knew you before, didn't he?" Hux spoke with a hiss now, leaning in with a sickly sweet smile. "You know Ben Solo."

"Ben Solo is dead."

"Is he though? Why would Kylo Ren hesitate to kill you – were you friends? Were you…" He let out a small laugh. "Were you more than friends? Is that what has you alive for me to interrogate now?"

"No. I think I am alive now to be interrogated – not for the past." Ailsa found herself replying without thinking, yet she had the same questions as Hux. Why did he let her live? Why did he not invade her mind? Did Ben live on as she had, somehow surviving, exhausted and silent and fighting against The Darkness?

Hux let his finger drift over Ailsa's, the leather of his glove warm against the chill of the room. "So let us put all of this together – I want to know who sent you, I want to know why, I want to know what you know of this place and who you have told, and I want to know if you ever fucked Kylo Ren."

With what little movement she had Ailsa twisted her hand, summoning The Force and using it to blast the touch of the man away. She only managed to send him back a few steps, but his hat came off and he was quick to backhand her across the jaw in retaliation. Hux straightened and fixed his collar and set his cap on straight as he watched the new bruise form on the girl. He was a stunning orator, a brilliant general, and one of the sharpest minds in the galaxy. But he was a villain and head of The First Order for a reason. Only one sat above him, and only another stayed at his side. Power became him. Power and anger.

He summoned a Storm Trooper with ease, giving an order for the woman to be confined more securely in a place where she would be far more limited with her use of The Force. Despite her condition, she would be taken to the interrogation room and locked in the device used by Kylo Ren as he invaded the minds of those who opposed him.

They unstrapped her for the move and with what little strength she had, Ailsa managed to kick and fight, using The Force and her body in whatever way she was able. She felt the need for air as her lung healed, felt the strain on broken bones, but she was angry now and she was upset. Those she worked for would not come. They did not do rescues. Too much risk. Ailsa knew she could not get free in those moments, but she tried anyway – struggling until she was forced to the floor. Two unconscious troopers lay beside her, as did a medic with a sedative. Hux stood near the door with a serious expression, watching beyond her reach. It was Phasma who had forced her down, a knee in her back, hands holding the Skylander's behind her as a free medic delivered the sedative required for transportation.

Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ailsa woke in a new pain. She had new bruises, new aches in her body. There was also a new pressure on her healing lung; the pressure of being upright and held uncomfortably, heart rate up due to a rise in stress levels associated with the position.

She was bound securely, legs, hands, torso, even her neck. Held steady, held helpless. All she could do was stare at the blank wall across from her and listen to the hum of the ship and her own unsteady breathing.

Kylo Ren came with Hux a few hours later, standing side by side with The General. No word was given on the previous conversation between the red-head and the girl. No doubt Hux was planning to use his theories and turn them into information he might use as leverage against Ren if it was ever needed.

"You know your task, Kylo Ren."

"It is not for you to give me orders, General." Came the reply, voice changed by the helmet.

"You know what the Supreme Leader has tasked you with. I am here to ensure you carry those orders out."

"You cannot understand the nature of The Force. You are not required." Kylo delivered a blow to The General's shortcomings. The Supreme Leader and the Commander of The Knights of Ren both had strong ties to The Force. He, however, ran bare.

"Leave us." Ren stated flatly.

Hux's jaw tightened, chin lifting as he watched the girl. She watched him back unabashedly, eyes bright with a power he could never understand.

Finally, he left, holding his pride as his boots carried him away. Kylo waved a hand, the door closing with his motion and his attention turning to Ailsa. She could feel his gaze through that mask, she could feel him watching her. But she did not know what he was thinking. She did not know that he was examining the new marks upon her, did not know that they angered him, that The Light he battled so violently sparked up as her presence turned his rage toward Hux for a split second.

"You can answer the questions or I can find their answer in you." He sat on the bench cut into the wall. "The longer you stay silent, the longer you stay in that position."

"If I talk I betray those whom I trust, and who have trust in me. When I am done talking I will no doubt find myself in a prison cell for the duration of my life – which may very well end at the hands of The First Order shortly after you get what you want. I have no incentive to talk." Such words took a long while to say, each sentence requiring a long breath at their end and each punctuation point darkening the circles beneath her eyes.

Ren pressed his fingers together, the only action to show that he might be considering what she was saying. "You think we will kill you?"

"Yes."

"Are you afraid?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I died a long time ago, Kylo Ren. You know that. I faced death then and found it was not to be feared."

He was silent for a long time. He could use fear. He could use death as incentive. He could enter her mind and find out if she was telling the truth about her feelings toward both of these things. He was known for his effectiveness in interrogation. He was known for leaving nothing behind.

"The Supreme Leader has an offer for you." He stated instead.

"The Supreme Leader should make the offer himself."

"He makes it through me."

"Ah. So he's pulling the right strings to make you dance?"

The words were sharp and intentional. Kylo closed his hands into fists and rose, anger and power surging through him in the most intoxicating, uncomfortable, unnatural manner. He stood before her, hovering close, helmet cold. "Do you wish to hear the offer?" He stated so simply. "Or shall we simply follow your previous prediction?"

"Do what you will. We both know you are in the position of power here." She inhaled carefully. "You were always stronger than I was."

He did reach out then, fingers brushing her temple. She stiffened at the slightness of his touch, tense as she waited for him to barge into her mind and rip out the wiring as he chose. Instead he did nothing, waiting there for a long minute, lingering until her eyes left his mask and closed.

She offered him a view, a little peer into her perspective. A silent agreement, a quiet trust fall for the man she once knew. If he was not that man he could carry on, and if he was truly detached from Ben he would immediately bypass her little offering. It was a venture in reality for them both. A secret convergence.

Ailsa let him see that she was not as unafraid as she portrayed herself to be. She was cold, in pain, struggling to breathe and battling the failure of a mission gone awry. He did press on, standing on the border of what was offered and peering on as one might when looking at a view from the edge of a cliff. In that moment she peered back at him, climbing into his power, feeling such rage and loneliness. It fed him well. It fed an ability with The Force unlike any she had ever encountered.

With that, he shut her out. He stood composed. He could rip her mind apart at a moment's notice and leave her drooling. He could find out about this nameless, shapeless, ghost that she worked for. It would surely be an advantage to The First Order.

"The Supreme Leader has an offer." He reiterated instead. "Join the Knights of Ren. Train under me. When you tell us what we want you will not die or be left to rot."

"Why didn't you burn Skye?" Ailsa returned instead. "I went back there. You could have burned it all, but you didn't."

"I do not answer to you. I do not have to explain any action to you. You have your offer – I shall let you think on it." His words were clipped and hard. "Be assured that if you join with the intention of bringing us down from the inside, I will know. I will know and I will crush your lungs myself."

His knights. His power. His rule. Of course he would know; it was his life now. His life support. She could join in or be permanently left out. She could join and find out more of the base, find out more of The First Order and their intentions. But her aim was never to save lives. Her aim was to never take a side. Ailsa was not there for light or dark; she just wandered the world between and let The Force take her where it willed.

The Force was ferocious and strong here. It pulled hard and with a biting violence. It was a side that those on The Light never knew. Kylo knew both. Perhaps that was his downfall. He knew both sides and never the middle. There was no middle for him.

He left her there with the wall for a friend. He left her there and did not think on what would happen when he returned. Not yet. She would choose now. He'd given her one thing in return for it all; he'd given her a choice. He'd removed such pressure from himself and passed it along.

Now Ailsa sat under its burden, desperate to reach out to Kylo, desperate to find Ben. He lived; she was sure of that. That bright boy – he was still shining somewhere. She'd seen it. He'd shown her.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you're enjoying yourself so far. Please leave a review; constructive criticism is welcome! I'd love to hear from you and improve as a writer in whatever way I can.  
Expect a new chapter soon!_


	14. Chapter 13

Ailsa was not able to recover much in her new predicament. It was cold, her breath was shallow, and every fiber in her being cried out for sleep. She felt as if she could sleep for days, that if unbound she would just lay upon the floor and begin a dreamless rest there.

In the distance Kylo Ren and Hux stood before Snoke, one masked, the other unmasked in anger. Hux did not wish for the girl to live. He did not wish for her to go unpunished and for her information to go unmined. Yet two who were strong with The Force knew of her life now, they felt her power and knew she had a talent for staying hidden. She had been invisible for years, she had been a ghost, a mere memory. Now she came to the story with information of a force they did not know of, with news they had not heard, and with abilities they had not thought to utilize.

She was grey. She could be turned. Her heart already looked into the darkness to find another she lost there.

Snoke was hard on Kylo Ren. He had not gone into her mind; he had held back and not wished to look at the past. He had wasted an opportunity, but perhaps in doing so had opened up another.

The girl would live – if she was still alive.

When the pair of commanders returned to the interrogation room she had fresh blood upon her lips, breathing shallow and mind only halfway conscious. A trooper undid the locks that held her and she crumbled to the ground like an ancient tree after a fire, limbs simply giving up as her body focused simply on keeping itself functional rather than mobile.

A storm trooper was commanded to lift her, but the action pressed her torso inward, scraping broken bones together and rubbing their jagged edges into a aching lung.

The pain was so sudden in Ailsa's mind that she reacted on instinct, sending out a blast of The Force that threw the trooper back and had her hit the floor with a heavy thud. A groan left her, a hand somehow managing to flatten on the ground, the other cradling her broken side as she looked up at the figures before her.

Hux looked extremely pissed off. Kylo Ren looked like a black statue and little more. The storm trooper moved, stretching to attention. Ailsa was still a captive, she was still theirs and still in no shape to do anything. Weakened, pained, exhausted; she was in the perfect shape to mould to their purpose.

They put her on a stretcher and took her back to the medical wing, the commanders vanishing with all bindings and intentions of tying her still once more. The medics took over, finally moving to repair the damage done all those days ago.

A massive blast, a misplaced defense, and a whole lot of snow. It seemed so familiar and so new all at once. Her heart felt just as raw.

The woman did not realize she had been asleep until she woke. She did not realize she had been dreaming until her eyes met those of Kylo Ren. She'd been dreaming of Ben. She'd been taken back to simpler times; to days basked in warm autumn light, to the spring, to all those exercises they had been made to do at the height of summer…always smiling, always finding a moment to be together.

"You must not call me Ben." He said without emotion, staring at her with a lax expression. "That is my first rule."

She breathed without pain for the first time, wondering briefly how long she had been asleep before realizing that she did not care. "Did I agree to a game with rules?"

"You will have to if you wish to survive this. Do not pretend you are not afraid of death; I watched you fight it. I have watched you come back from it. You are not ready to die yet."

"I do not think I am ready to join The First Order either."

"You will not be joining The Order." Kylo leant back in the chair he had placed at her bedside, hands hidden behind gloves, posture rigid, guarded. He had been in her mind. He had been watching her dream. "You will be joining The Knights of Ren."

"I already have a job."

He let his head cock to the side, eyes thinning darkly. She did not know this man. She did not know this façade. "You have two choices, Ailsa. Either you join me and allow me to teach you a new method, or I find everything about what you have been doing all these years and I finish what was started on Skye."

She stared at him, jaw tight, grey eyes resembling a storm more than they had at any other point in her life. "That is not a choice and you know it."

"The fact that you believe that means you have made a choice about your options."

"Who are you?"

"No one you know."

Ailsa realized that her hands were free then and she sat up, twisting to look at the man from a new vantage point. He had looked different at their last reunion, but they had changed from children to young adults. He did not move, he simply kept his eyes on hers and offered a silent challenge.

The woman ran a hand through her hair. It was dirty, bits of her own blood still lay upon dried strands. "How do you know I will not betray you? How do you know I will not take all I learn of this place and run?"

"I don't, but you know the consequences if you do. You know what I can do, and you know what this base can do. And you know that I am fully aware of your connection to Skye."

Ailsa clenched her jaw, gaze hardening. "Who _are_ you? What have you become?"

Kylo let out a scoff, a single laugh that possessed no humor. "That answer would frighten you."

"I think it would, but not for the reasons you think."

"And what reasons would frighten you most?" He leant forward a small way, peering at her with a coldness she had never encountered.

The woman searched his features. They were still the same. The light fell on him in the same way, his voice moved in the same manner, his hair still parted as it always had. "You have not cast off one man for another. You've just…split yourself in a half and decided to live with only one side of yourself."

"Oh, so it's _grey_ Skylander theories you're using?" He mocked her.

"No, it's reality. You can call yourself whatever you want, it doesn't change who you actually are."

His gaze turned into a glare. Either she read him better than anyone, or she assumed she did. Neither were good. Neither were welcome.

"Join me or watch Skye burn." Kylo stated simply. "Shall I wait for you to speak the answer or shall I pull it from your mind?"

"You know the answer." Ailsa swallowed, feeling stuck at an impasse. The Force moved her, shaping her into a fluid to fit throughout the universe. Now it asked her to go to a desert with no path.

Kylo Ren gave a nod and stood. He seemed so much bigger in those robes. So much taller. "If you cross me, if you run…"

"I don't run."

"No. You hide." He locked himself up in shadows, he grew angry. "You hide and you stay silent and you cower."

"No. I vanish and I survive."

"You will not survive me if you betray me."

Ailsa sat up a little further. "And what of your betrayal?" She offered the question so honestly. "What of that night at the Temple?"

"What of it?"

"Do you not owe me for that, just as you suggest I would owe you should I wrong you?"

Kylo peered at her curiously for that question. He had not considered it a betrayal; he knew it had been one but he had never heard those words until then. "You died that night, and so did Ben Solo. The slate was wiped clean."

"And now you have marked it again, and you have marked it first."

It was his turn to clench his jaw. He was furious with her, with the words, with what she brought up. She spoke her mind, and her mind was a place he had not ventured. He knew what he would find there and he knew that the tugging strings of light would only latch onto those images.

"Finish healing. I will come for you." He walked hard to the door. "Your re-training begins soon."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Within a few days Ailsa was mobile. They had fixed her body and confined her to a locked cell with only a single bed and a single window to view the outside universe. It was quieter there than it was in the medical bay. She had space to gather her thoughts, to think on an agreement she felt she had been forced to say yes to.

She was loyal to the nameless group that floated through space; to the untold who somehow managed to turn a war of two into a game of three without anyone realizing. Perhaps it still was a game of three and she was caught in the middle, sandwiched in tight with nowhere to go.

The Skylander resumed some slow training, stretching her body out with long exercises, breathing and elongating her limbs again, feeling each muscle and ligament, ensuring all was in the right place before she was no doubt summoned before Kylo Ren to begin training for The Dark Side.

Surely he knew that she would not agree to such a thing. Surely he knew she was not one to be moved to a world of absolutes. The Light and The Dark; so black and white and bland. Power came from both; or so she had been taught. Power was gleaned by looking into both sides.

Through the door came a few meals, each bland and made en masse. She was left there with herself until Kylo Ren finally came. The presence of another almost felt like a relief at that point.

"You're blackmailing me." Was all she said, figure standing by the window as she watched the universe rolling by.

He was silent. Blackmail. The thought made him scoff. She could think that. Had he targeted some other planet, not Skye, she might have thought he was trying to save her life. How easily people were manipulated. How easily they believed what they wanted.

"I suppose your methods worked." Ailsa turned to face the man. He was unmasked and armed, his lightsaber at his hip. She knew that lightsaber. She knew what colour it glowed; she knew its unstable hiss. In his palm lay her two weapons. Her hand reached out for them instinctively, calling them back to her.

He closed his grip and lifted a finger to her. "No. You get these in the training room and nowhere else. You get them when I say you can have them."

"Are you afraid I'll use them to melt the doors down and run away, just like in the old Jedi stories?"

"You still believe in those stupid stories?"

"From what I remember – you were the one who told them to me first."

Kylo clenched his jaw. "Come." He turned on his heel, leading the way out of the room.

Ailsa followed cautiously at first, and then with great curiosity. The Star Killer Base was huge, but now she was within it. Within the belly of the beast. It was a sprawling mass of military power. A planet made for force.

She was led to a training room; a vast chamber with a padded floor and walls that been made plain; stripped of weapons. It was a room for her. One where she could find nothing to do but train, nowhere to go but the path they opened for her.

The door shut and locked behind them, a guard standing there. It was obvious that she was not trusted. It was very evident that she was not free.

Kylo Ren set her lightsabers in the middle of the room and stood back, watching the girl as she examined her environment and the setup he had created. She stood by the door, he directly opposite, her weapons in the middle.

"Get them." Ren stated flatly and nodded at the dual lightsabers.

Ailsa lifted her hand, using The Force to call the blades to herself. As soon as she did she was met with a blast of energy from the man across from her, sending her spiraling into the wall. She looked up at him. He seemed so distanced, so disjointed. It was like looking at a broken mirror.

"Get them." He repeated.

This time she rose to walk to the pair, standing over them to pick them up manually. Just before her fingers brushed the weapons she was thrown once again, this time skidding across the floor. She sent a glare at the man opposite, one hand out to call one saber, the other lifting to send a blast back at him as he attacked her. The air around them exploded briefly, sending each person's hair back, but Ailsa stood with one weapon in her hand.

"And the other one." He stated flatly, nodding at the final piece laying in the middle of the room.

This time as she approached it he drew his own lightsaber and attacked her hard and fast. The Skylander barely got her defense up in time, the glow of her blade hissing as it met the unstable red of his. She bowed under the pressure of his strike, leaning back as his weight came down hard upon her. He was taller, far stronger, and he was proving it.

Ailsa turned her saber off and felt him tip forward with his own weight, her own slipping out from beneath his force and back into the open. She brought the partner of her weapon to her hand and lit both up, giving them a casual swing.

"This is training?" She asked.

"This is finding out where you are." He was so nonchalant about it. He was somewhere else; somewhere far away. He was doing his job. He was doing something for Snoke. "You accepted the offer, but that doesn't mean you're strong enough to survive it."

Ailsa exhaled slowly. "You know I'm recovering from a rather decent injury."

"That's an excuse. Never make an excuse with me." He was firm on the end of the sentence, eyes blazing. She'd been speaking to him as she might speak to Ben. She saw Ben's face, she saw his posture, she saw his movements and instincts. He was sharper, more raw, driven by power and vision; but his body was much the same.

Kylo Ren reached out with his free hand and gripped her mind as she stood, latching onto her in a moment when her guard was down. Instead of searching for an image he showed her one. He showed her that night; the trees as they burned, the Temple as it fell. All those bodies, all that blood. He showed her the one thing she had not seen that night; he showed her her own face. She had looked so confused and afraid, and yet he had continued to choke her. He held tight, lifting her from the ground, squeezing the life from her before throwing her into that river to drown.

Ailsa felt a great anger at the intrusion. She felt a fury burning in her and she unleashed it upon him, casting herself at Kylo Ren with a yell. She was quicker than she had been, but he had fought her already. He had been there on that lonely little planet. He had battled her now once as she was. This time she was driven forward by emotion, not careful training and skill. The aim was different. The aim then was to kill Hux, now she wanted to show him her wrath and shed the weight of betrayal.

He fought her back with ease, her quick motions and sharp strikes something new to deal with but not impossible to evade. With a deft motion Kylo Ren cast her back, gripping her with The Force by the throat and tossing her across the room as if she weighed no more than a leaf.

"You're not as bad as I thought you'd be." He stated.

Ailsa got to her feet and regripped her hands about her weapons. She faced him again, the image of that night fresh in her mind. She advanced upon the man again only to be caught in his grip again and pinned to the wall. He approached her with ease, holding her there with The Force, giving her air but little else. She threw her own power at him, letting out a yell of anger.

"Good. Get angry." He stated as he stood nearer, just beyond the reach of her lightsabers. "Anger is good. Feed of it."

There was a fervor in his tone that unnerved her, that set her on edge.

"What are you angry at?" He insisted.  
"You know what I am angry at."

"Say it."

"You."

"Good. Use it. Embrace it. Feel how dark it is, feel that power."

She pushed against him, getting a hand up to defend herself only to be thrown back to the wall. He grit his teeth with frustration, his lighsaber hissing at his side.

"Are you afraid of the dark, Ailsa?" He taunted.

"No."

"Are you angry with The Dark Side?"

"…yes."

"Use that as a weapon. Use it against me. You'll only get free if you use the same power."

"No." She shook her head, feeling like she might cry and scream all at once. She'd relived that moment over and over and over – the plunge into the water, the knowledge that Ben had died, the way her heart ached and mourned as she drowned and was then sparked back to life as she reached for the surface. It made her tremble, it made her feel a spiral of emotion.

"You're wrong." She insisted. "Anger is not darkness. Anger is natural, it is human. Despite all of this, you are still _human_."

His grip tightened, pressure on her airway, robbing her of oxygen for a moment. He watched her gasp silently for a breath and offered her just the smallest amount, enough to make her uncomfortable and feel as if she might suffocate in the slowest manner possible.

Ailsa found a power in her to return the favour; found the memory of what had happened strong enough to lift her hand and strike at him. The blast on Kylo Ren had him stagger back a few steps, his grip on her dropping and his eyes growing dark. She stood with a hand at her throat, her weapon off and held within her palm as her fingers explored her skin. She was panting, exhausted.

"You sacrificed a lot for this." Ailsa called him back to that night, touching his mind without invading it. Doing what he had done without pressure.

"Yes." Kylo Ren straightened, pushing his hair from his face with a composed motion. All a mask without wearing one.

"You sacrificed your family."

"Yes."

"Your history."

"Yes."

"Your old name. Your old life."

"It was an easy choice to make."

"Was it?"

"Yes."

"And me? Was giving me up an easy choice to make?"

A pause. A silence. "Yes."

This was not training. This was truth. If the Dark Side knew anything it was that looking deep within yourself is where you would find the greatest darkness. It was where the blackest parts resided and where they could be grown. The same went for light. All inward. So connected to The Force, so linked to the universe, and so selfish.

"I don't believe you." Ailsa turned her lightsabers off. For the first time he was speaking as a man with a past, not as someone who was born that night at the temple.

"Then you are a fool and I cannot train you."

"You know you can train me. You know I'm good."

"I just had you pinned to a wall. I threw you about the room like a doll." His voice rose a bit, anger personal. "I should have left you to die."

"You did that once already and you failed to do it again." She was furious with him now, yelling at the man with an anger he had inspired. "You murdered me. Did you feel nothing then?"

"I felt relief." He answered. "You were gone. You were a weakness in my path."

"And now I'm on your path again – and by your own invite."

Two people, one bare room. Loud voices, ever raising. "You know nothing of my path!" Kylo yelled at her. "You are a stupid girl who loved a weak boy."

"You were not weak." She answered him. "You were courageous and bright and your skill was greater than anyone I'd ever known."

"And it is greater still! I am greater now. That _boy_ is a shadow. He is gone. He is dead. You need to do the same thing if you are to survive this."

"To survive what?"

"Me."

Ailsa turned her lightsabers on again and struck at him without another word, fighting Kylo Ren and what he had done in equal measure. She attacked him with the full extent of her training, and he returned the favor in equal measure. They both left bruises on the other, they both came close to losing a limb and ending a life.

He was better than she was. He had more power, he had greater skill, but she was fierce and she had a lot to vent. In the end Ailsa was exhausted. They had fought for a long time, the hours seeming to slip away before begin replaced by a brutal muscle ache and a sting in the scar tissue of a damaged lung. He got the final hit, leaving her laying on the mat staring at the ceiling.

He took her weapons from her and turned his own off, moving to leave the room in silence. Nothing more was to be said. Much more needed to be let out.

"Do your remember that night?" Her voice broke the silence as he reached the door.

Kylo Ren paused, half listening over his shoulder. He thought she meant the night the temple burned. But she didn't.

"I remember it. We laughed quite a bit. It was awkward, it hurt a bit, you were more nervous than I was."

He half turned to her, about to tell her to stop but pausing when she sat up to look him in the face.

"It was the most embarrassed and exposed I've ever felt. I'm sure you felt just as vulnerable. But…uh…it was lovely. It was really good. We got really good at it too." Ailsa mentioned. "I know Ben is gone, but those moments live on. You live in a body that I loved, and that loved me. Whether you like it or not, I'm on you like a scar. I'll be there forever; and he'll be with me."

Kylo Ren was silent. Completely, utterly silent. He locked himself down, he shut her out. He said nothing and did nothing except turn away and head for the door.

A small group of Storm Toopers escorted the worn out woman back to her room. They left here there. She believed she would be left there; that he would not come back, that he would just…leave her now. That day had been more truthful than any she had encountered in a long, long time. She'd never felt more in touch with her past, never really had a chance to look back on it with open eyes and really embrace what had unfolded. She had not yet taken it in her arms or cast it aside, but Ailsa could look at it now.

She could stare into that darkness and into the strings of light that had burned so brightly leading into those moments. So many pieces of light. So much shadow. Neither would ever exist exclusively within her. Neither was ever supposed to.


	15. Chapter 14

The new training schedule was more grueling than any Ailsa had encountered before. Day in, day out, no moment for a break. Kylo Ren had her under his thumb; too exhausted to do much more than follow his orders, too angry to give up and him take complete control.

She was stubborn. It felt like he was trying to break her as one might break a wild horse; work them again and again, over and over, making habits, creating patterns, setting a path in stone and lining it with walls. Such a thing made for training, but it did not make for loyalty. It was not what the other Knights of Ren had undergone. It was not how Snoke had found Kylo in the first place. This was for her. This was for Ailsa and the future that lay ahead.

She was led to and from her room, given food and left in silence, only engaged with when it was time to learn. She was a prisoner still and no one was disguising that fact. They needed her to be under their control; they needed to know that they had put habits in place that they could rely on even if she went rogue. Not that she would. Kylo Ren knew where her heart lay; he had known her so deeply, so intimately. He had that over Ailsa. She did not have that over him; not anymore. There were too many barriers in the way. Too many fortresses built around a heart that hid from all in darkness.

Such blackness was not evil. It seemed like a shadow; an ink that no one could look into and that made looking out hard. He was hiding. He was a secret unto himself and one that maybe even he did not understand.

Ailsa sat in the training room with Kylo Ren, meditating silently in a moment of respite. Her arms were bare, body clad in clothes made to sweat in. Standing nearby with a tablet of information, Kylo could see the naked line of her shoulder, the slope of the junction that connected her neck to her body, the way her hair stuck in humid ringlets to the skin that covered her spine. She was not looking at him but he knew what expression she wore. Lips ever so slightly parted, eyes shut so lightly that her eyelids would flutter every few seconds as a new thought crossed her mind. Her breathing was long and slow, so silent and still. She'd always been like that when she meditated. Backbone rimrod straight, limbs flowing off of her like water from a mountainside.

Kylo Ren knew her.

He knew her.

And yet, it had been so long that he had no idea who she was anymore. She fought differently, she stood differently, she moved with a new poise. They had grown up after their first time apart, and this time…they had grown into new bodies entirely. New bodies with the same flesh.

He observed her, and he knew that she observed him with the same intensity. Yet she was so silent about it. She knew a lot; there was no doubting that she held a great many secrets. It is what she was trained for. It was what she had been groomed for since the start, even without her having realized it then.

So much time had passed.

So much space had reared up between them.

"What?" Ailsa spoke evenly, her question splitting the void. "What are you thinking about?"

Kylo Ren stared at her, his arms crossed as he stood in the room. "How did you survive that night?" He asked openly, voice devoid of emotion. "Your life force was all but gone when I cast you aside."

The woman opened her eyes and turned, twisting her seat to face him. She wanted to ask him the same question; how did _you_ survive? But she did not know what had survived in him, or if he could answer at all.

"I do not know how I survived it." Ailsa confessed. "I remember it all so vividly. Every moment. That water was so cold. I've never been so cold in all my life. Somehow I…I needed air. Somehow I found it."

His jaw tightened. "And who found you?"

"You know I will not tell you that."

"And you know that I will find out."

"So find out – but you will not come to find such information from me."

He approached her steadily, kneeling before the woman and bringing his eye level to hers. He examined her face tightly; the shape of her eyes, the way the color fell through them, the pout of her mouth, the slope of her nose…he knew that face. When he looked upon it the light side tugged at him, the grey middle ground somehow wrapping itself about his form and grasping his attention.

"You continued with Jar'Kai." Kylo stated flatly of her training, as if that might help him work her out.

"I always used two lightsabers."

"Someone had to teach you how to use them. Someone had to help you further master The Force. It was not Skywalker – so there are others out there. How many are hiding like you?"

"I do not know the number. You know my kin wander the universe."

His hand came out, gloved hands drifting over her temple, brushing the hair aside there, threatening to invade her mind and explore its pathways. He felt her tense, he sensed her coil up tight and wait to spring out at him, ready to strike back. The trust was gone. Most of it. But she did not waver away from him, she did not flinch away. She was anxious but she was unmoving.

"You will tell me." His voice came out evenly, factual, hand moving to the nape of her neck. "You know that I know your secrets. I know you."

"You were a different man then." Ailsa replied deftly. "The man who knew me…he has missed out on a lot of things these past few years."

"You're angry."

"Very."

"You hate him."  
"No."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

He sighed and released his grip on her, eyes moving to the ceiling for a moment before rifting back to the storm colour of Ailsa's gaze. "You loved him?"

"Very much."

His jaw tensed, brow furrowed. "There is no space for love here."

"You don't make space for it. You know that. You know it isn't something that needs space. It just needs air."

"It cannot survive here."

"You thought the same of me that night."

Kylo looked away, a picture of disgust upon his face. Frustration etched into his brow, fury danced behind his gaze. He stood and paced away from the woman, distancing himself from her. Those who stood on the Light Side were exposed so fully, but they grew blind in the brightness. Those on the Dark Side felt so vividly, but they did not see. The grey…they hid from nothing and experienced it all.

"You should have died then." Kylo Ren stated matter-of-factly as he rose and turned from her. "I should have made sure of it. I wouldn't have to waste my time here with you now."

Ailsa raised her brows. "You don't have to waste any time. You can jettison me out into space in a second flat and finish the job now if you wanted." She rose to her feet, muscles sore as she stood, body aching from days of intensive reconditioning. "You could do it right now."

He half faced the woman, giving her a once over with his gaze as if to consider her query seriously. He looked upon Ailsa, upon the way the taught coil of tension had not left her. She was holding her anger, grasping it tight and not letting it free. She never let it free. Not like he did. She would never know the power of the dark side until she learned to let go and re-embrace it.

"You've been here for weeks now." His hands clasped behind his back. "We've had to keep you from Hux in case you try to finish what you started, and we've had to keep him from you because I know he would put you in the trash chute and empty you with the rest of the rubbish."

"It sounds like you're tempted by the idea."

"You're lucky that you're useful, Ailsa. You're lucky that you have some skill with The Force."

"Am I lucky that you used to love me too then? I'd say that is helping keep me alive."

"You think I loved you?" He spoke cruelly now.

"Oh, don't play that game. I know you did. You loved me and maybe you still do."

"Ha! Keep telling yourself that."

"Then get into my head, Kylo. Find out what you want. Go in there and see what you have to see. You will look in and you know I will look back and you know that I will see you. I will see you because I _know_ you."

"You know nothing of me!" He stepped up to her, furious with the woman and her outspoken stubbornness. "You know nothing of this path." Kylo hissed. "You know nothing of what it took to get here."

"So tell me. What are you afraid of – that I'll find out the truth, or that you will?"

There was a moment of silence. He loomed over her like a shadow, hovering there in fury and instability. Her gaze held his with the same anger, but she had an inch more control. She had to have more control; without it she would topple into dark or burn in the light. One or the other would happen.

"You should have died that night." He spoke lowly. "You should have died with the padawans. You tried so hard to save them…and you never did."

Ailsa felt the air in her body stinging, she felt it vibrating with heat. She had blocked so much of _that_ night off. She now saw their bodies again, she watched it all burn again. She could smell it, she could hear it, the sound deafening her and leaving everything silent, leaving her with just the fear and the confusion she had felt on that night.

" _You._ " Kylo spoke. "You didn't even try to balance The Force. You just…you ran."

"No." Ailsa shook her head. "No."

"Why did you run?"

"Why did you start it all?" Her voice rose a little. "Why? Was it worth it? Was it worth becoming Kylo Ren?"

He stared at her, saying nothing, just standing there as he watched her begin to boil over. He brought it to the surface with exhaustion and prodding. He brought her forth. He brought it all up to explode out.

Ailsa was trembling a bit. Her voice waivered as she spoke. "Why did you do that to me?" She asked a question he had not expected. "Why did you do that to me? You _loved_ me. You knew I loved you too. You were beautiful; so talented, so happy. You had such a funny smile and such a wonderful laugh. You didn't kill me that night. You didn't kill yourself. You killed something special. You hid it away and disrespected all that had held value and meaning in your life; that had been meaningful to me. I never fought you. I fought what you were becoming because you couldn't. You couldn't do it. You couldn't kill me and I could not die to let fate finish the job. If you want to do it then do it. But you cant. But you hurt me. You hurt me so badly; you left me for dead, you let all that was lovely burn. There was no Dark Side, there was just evil and hatred and everything that was not power but simple misguided anger instead."

Kylo stalked closer to Ailsa, and she took a half step back instinctively. His advance was violent and aggressive, and half a step at a time she found herself pressed against a wall, leaning there with her hands flat upon the surface and his face just inches from hers.

"I hated you." She managed to confess. "I hated you for so long."

A tear broke from her gaze and slid down her features, unhindered by her touch, left to glisten on its path. Instead of exploding her anger she was exploring something else. She knocked down a wall to make room for the expansion. She knocked it out so she would not burst and destroy everything. It hurt. It burned. She looked upon a place she had long since locked up and felt its every pain.

"Do you remember what it was like? Do you remember what you destroyed? Why did you do it? How could you?" She pressed a hand to his chest, pushing him back but at the same time closing her fingers to the fabric of his shirt, holding something after weeks of being alone. "Why, Ben?"

"Ben?"  
She searched his face. "Don't say you're not him. Don't say he isn't there." Ailsa shook her head. "Don't say you aren't him."

He set a hand hard beside her head, the wall vibrating with the force of the impact. Kylo Ren leant in, hovering there, ready to destroy her. She faced him without fear, she looked upon the potential death at his hand and did not move to escape.

"Why?" Ailsa asked. "How did you get so blind?"

She was pulling at loose threads; at any she could find. She was pulling at him and at the light side that called to him in such a disgusting manner. The Skylander was reaching through the abyss and grabbing at him, pushing back so hard at the force he weighted upon her.

"I am not blind." He said. Such a response was not one he would have given to anyone else. Anyone else would already have perished. This woman…this girl. This little friend from a day so long ago…he knew he had to get rid of that feeling and yet he could not. His grandfather had suffered from the same thing. He had fallen from the light for it. Kylo had fallen despite it. It ate them both.

"It wasn't about you." He replied. "Don't you know that? It was never about you. You were just _there._ "

"And if I had been on Skye? If I had gone home? Would you have done the same thing then? You would have had to. Snoke would have made you. You had to cut it all away."

"I was not _made_ to do anything."

"Don't lie to me."

"It wasn't about you. Don't be selfish and think it was."

She could feel his breath upon her as he stood there. She could feel his heat. Beneath her hand she could feel his heart, its throb humming against her closed fist.

"That is why I didn't die." Ailsa mentioned. "You could have snapped my neck. You could have had me join you then and there. Now you force me to be a Knight of Ren because you don't have the option anymore. You cant set me free anymore. You have to look at me now. You have to look at me with those eyes that have looked at me a thousand times and you have to know that I know you."

"You don't know me."

"I know you better than anyone else. I know _you._ Not as a parent, not as family, not as a friend. I know you down to your bones. I know your taste, I know your touch, I know your everything."

"No." He stood straight and turned from her.

"So kill me then. Finish this. Finish it and move on!" Ailsa released her grip on him, half advancing after his figure, half remaining where she was. "Do it. Make a choice now. Make it."

"For whom?" He yelled at her. "Who is this choice for?"

"Me. Its for me. Make the choice for me again."

Without another word he turned on her, one hand on the nape of her neck, the other on her wrist as it came up in defense. He was so quick, he was so full of rage. He caught her tightly, pushing her back into the wall before pulling her into him.

Ailsa felt her pulse racing, she felt it pounding so hard against her veins and in her being. She felt The Force. She felt it all with such acuity. Every nerve stood on end, every fiber of her being stood to attention.

Before even half a second hand passed he had forced his mouth to hers, angrily giving into a shadow that had lingered between them in the distance that had formed. Ailsa pushed him away for a minute before using her free hand upon his collar and pulling herself back to him. His palm released her wrist, finding its way to her waist, fingers digging hard into the fabric of her clothes.

Such rage permeated the action. Such desperation on both parts. Betrayal was bitter on the tongue, and she forced him to taste it and experience the flavor she had been living with since the night at the temple. He pressed her hard to the wall, bruising her lips with intensity as she bit back at him with a pent up frustration.

Instead of having her explode they had both ended up imploding. Neither needed to use The Force to look into the mind of the other. They had both been there before. They had been inside and they had looked around and made a home there. So much had changed. So much had shifted. Each fought for the opportunity to look upon the vastness of that change. Each clawed to discover what it meant and how it would influence what was to come.

The kiss was angry. But soon it became tinged with sadness, with memory, nostalgia. It expressed the cracks that had formed between two people and showcased the places where repair was simply not possible. Yet it filled a need. It filled a void at least temporarily.

Kylo pushed himself back and away as he snapped back to full Darkness. She could not have this hold on him. She was not allowed to have this hold on him.

Yet she would always have that hold on him. Always.

Just as he would have it on her.

He stood and stared at the woman for a long minute. They were both so human, the air between them so vulnerable for just half of a moment. Ailsa stared at him, breath a little short, lips pained and yet still wanting more. He would be the death of her. He had caught her as a child and wrapped her up so tight. The Force, the fates, whatever it was – it had tied them up and never intended to let either go. This was a balancing game, and in that moment only one knew how to stay upright. Neither knew which that person was.

She took to him again, and he did not shy away. He had her back pressed to that wall again in a second, had her form beneath his hands and her scent within his mind. Things were bitter. Things were sour. The taste was hot and filled with all the moments that had been missed, all the disappointment that had transcended their time apart.

He kissed a ghost, and so did she; and neither knew if they believed in such things.

* * *

 _A/N: I apologise for the delay in updates. I encountered some personal issues and am sorry for the slower chapter posting.  
_ _If you are reading I would love to hear from you. It would be great to know what you think of the story! Constructive criticism is always welcome!_


	16. Chapter 15

Love is not a beautiful thing. It is sometimes marvelous, it is sometimes all you want, but it is not beautiful. It is addictive and it turns people from their heads to look at their heart. You cannot see as far from the heart. You cannot know as much. Sometimes the pair worked together; they had before on that little island on Skye. They had at the temple. They had been an open pair. Now they fought bitterly, throwing the past in with the present, throwing in feeling with reality.

Ailsa was left alone for two days after her last training session with Kylo Ren. She was kept in her room, the door only opened for food and to deliver fresh clothes and towels. They kept her clean, they kept her full, and yet they kept her. She was theirs; a pet to train. A wild animal to turn to their side and use for their cause.

Wild animals, truly wild animals, rarely turn their loyalty to any whilst in a cage.

Kylo Ren knew this. He knew that so long as Ailsa was kept in that little box on the big ship she would be restless, pacing back and forth, angry, frustrated, but not with anything or anyone except them. Her fury needed to be aimed. It needed to be harnessed.

Her power was great; it was not strong, it was not overwhelming, but she was agile and smart. She was a fox amongst wolves. Kylo had the Storm Troopers train her for a day, had Captain Phasma take the lead and drill the young woman into exhaustion. They were not good to her, they were not kind. She had tried to murder their leader, had cracked his ribs. Many who were part of the training had been there to fire the shot that had her lying broken in the snow.

They fired at her again, this time with stun shots, always aiming as she stood with a blindfold and a troop of soldiers trying to leave burn marks upon her flesh. They then took her lightsabers and had her fight without her power; they had her pitched against three men in armor as a single woman in cotton. Bruises were made, cuts formed.

Phasma was half impressed by the fire in the woman. She was like a cold wind; she just kept blowing through despite what was put up, despite what was set in her path to slow her. A few storm troopers sat in a bruised heap in the corner, but Ailsa was worse for wear. One detriment to this girl's fighting was that she was so focused that she no longer paid heed to her body until her body shut down on her. It was a technique taught to her on board _The Dauntless_. They had shaped her in the way of a bezerker; taught her to fight pain as well as an enemy. It would be her downfall if she could not be shown another way.

Phasma stopped the session and had Ailsa taken to the medical ward. She had burns that needed treating, bruises that needed soothing, and a wheeze to her breathing that was no doubt a remnant from her punctured lung. They found scar tissue in her chest made by the prolonged healing she had been forced to endure. The laying in bed, the being strapped to the interrogation rack…she would forever wheeze after a certain point.

"I think they broke me." She mentioned as Kylo Ren finally appeared. He was masked and he had just consulted with Phasma about the training. He did not remove his helmet. He noted how she addressed him ever so slightly as she used to, with a hint of a crooked smile. "I'm defective. You'll have to get a new one."

"You start squeaking when you get tired, don't overplay it."

"It is not squeaking. It's more of an asthmatic accent."

"Don't overplay it. Phasma tells me that her soldiers got a number of good hits on you."

"I'm pretty sure I broke one of their wrists."

"If it had been a fight for your life – you would have died."

"If it had been a fight for my life – they would have died with me." Ailsa winced a little as a droid applied an antiseptic to a burn on her shoulder.

Kylo dismissed the droid, the wound healing easily under the advanced medical care of The First Order. It was a stun shot; it would not kill her. If she died it would be a surprise. This was one human who seemed to cling on; the kind who became a ghost story. She had always been made for ghost stories; always lingering that fine line between the two extremes that were accepted.

She turned to him on the bench, feed not even touching the floor. Her legs crossed as she perched there before him, head cocking a little to the side as she watched her own reflection in his mask. The last time she'd seen him a storm trooper had entered the training room to bring a message to him. He'd pushed her away with The Force so nonchalantly, taking the tablet and walking from the room, giving a half-baked order to see the girl back to her room.

She knew he was as conflicted as she was. He was not as angry as her, he did not suffer the same sense of betrayal, but he had known the same love and the same loss. Kylo had initiated the chain of events, he had set them in motion and let her suffer it, let them all suffer it. And he still gave no answers.

Ailsa reached up silently toward him, reaching out as she had dreamed of doing a thousand times, and touched that mask. She felt the cold metal of the helmet, she felt his eyes boring into her from behind the visor. Long fingers slipped beneath the edge, unclipping the pieces that held the thing together, letting it loose so it opened from his face.

He did not resist her. Kylo even tipped his head forward a small way to assist her removal of the thing, watching as her eyes followed it to her lap. She traced the lines of the helmet with such an unreadable expression, followed its dents and its shape with a nameless curiosity.

"Like your grandfather…" Ailsa mentioned quietly. She felt a bit less defensive around him; he had tasted the same, smelled the same. He felt different but this was the same person. Maybe she was seeing a new depth to him. Maybe he was just wearing the body of someone she knew.

"He was a great Sith."

"He was great with The Force on both sides." Ailsa looked up to Kylo. "Same as you."

The man was silent. His jaw tightened. "I came to bring you on a mission."

"Kylo…"

"It is an order."

"I am exhausted. I need to rest. You have been working me toward insanity."

"You're not insane yet, and you are in no position to question me. I am now your commanding officer."

The words were hard. They were sharp and clipped. Ailsa looked at the helmet, feeling like the voice came from within it instead of from the mouth of the man before her. "Yes, Sir."

She said it not as submission, but so he might hear how it sounded. He might hear how awkward the title was. His jaw grew tighter and he let out a breath. "You're going to get killed if you keep being so stubborn."

"Stubborn? You would do the same in my position."

"I would not be in your position."

"What does that have to say about me then?"

"Maybe that you're easy to manipulate. Maybe you believe to well in people."

"I guess that says more about you than it does about me?"

"How is that? It is a weakness in you."

"You are manipulating that weakness then. You are using it to your advantage; only enemies do that."

"Do you wish for me to be your enemy?"

"I wish for you to not be such an asshole. I know you, Kylo Ren."

"And I know you. Remember that. I. Know. You. I know your weaknesses, I know your strengths…"

"You know the person you thought died. That you thought you killed."

"And you thought the same for me."

Ailsa set the mask aside, a hand still on the top of the helmet, eyes on its blackness for a long moment. "Did you think about me at all?"

He was silent. "Yes."

"Did you miss me?"

"No."

"You were always a bad liar."

Kylo let out a sigh. The whole façade, the whole commander look did not work on her. She could not be cowed. She had to have trust, she had to have loyalty. That was her weakness. She believed in what was so easy to fake. She believed she could see through masks.

He kissed her again then, hands on the small of her back as they pulled her toward him. Her legs wrapped around his body, arms tangling over his shoulders as she kissed him back. He explored her shape readily, her lips moving to the line of his jaw. Kylo hooked a hand beneath her knee, hitching her leg a little higher as he pressed nearer.

"So." She murmured into his ear. "Where are we going on this mission? I assume you are to be my…chaperone."

His mouth came to hover over hers, teeth grazing her lower lip as he watched how far he could lure her, as he watched her look for _Ben_. "We're going to follow a trail."

"Whose trail?"  
"Skywalker's."

Ailsa leant back a little, brow a bit furrowed. "Luke Skywalker?"

"Yes." He pulled her nearer again, the heavy cloth of his clothing disguising his pulse from her. "Once we find him, you'll have to choose. Him or me."

"Ren…" _Ren_. Just one noise of his old name.

"Don't." He almost ordered her. "Don't. Question. Me."

"Don't tell me what to do."  
"I am your commander."

"I don't give a fuck."  
"I control whether you live or die."

"You control the fear of life and death. I have died already."

"What do you fear?"

"That cage you keep sending me to."

"Ah."

"Don't 'ah' at me."

He bit her lower lip, catching her between his teeth. She belonged to no one, but she could be lured. She could be guided. Yet, in her embrace and under her scent it was hard to tell which way was up. The path blurred so easily with her. The view became what mattered.

"What of Skye? Do you fear what I will do to them?" He ran a thumb over her lips, gloves hiding him almost completely.

Ailsa pressed a palm against the flesh just above his hip, in the soft space where his own bones did not protect him. "You know that whatever you do to them, I will unleash on you tenfold."

"But I would do it regardless."

"I can't believe that."

"Why? I killed an entire temple of Jedi. A little planet would be easy."

Her gaze dropped. Kylo watched the shape of her nose, felt her push his hand away. He saw a pain in her expression that he had never seen before, but one he had felt. The pain of the past, the sort that came when you relived it with such acuity that it burned old images anew on your soul. Images of fire, of blood, of smoke. Images of ice.

His touch turned gentle, bringing her eyes back to his. He could play her easily. He could toy with that game. But she played too, and she did not play fair. She played for keeps. It was a dangerous tangle to be in Ailsa's embrace. It was a risk, a gamble, and the stakes were so high.

"Where are we going?" Ailsa asked again.

"We're following a map."

"Where is the map?"

"You're going to find out for me."

Ailsa felt herself nodding in reply. She felt that she was reaching out for him as she had for his helmet, touching what was left, trying to find if anything was left in the first place. In that moment, she felt his walls go up immediately. She felt them come up but with her inside. She felt herself locked in there with him; just as she had been before. All those years ago Ailsa had been within his walls, and he within hers. They had lived within their own city and had been blind to so much within it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He did not send her back to her 'cage'. Ailsa was given a new room, one away from those made for political prisoners and those who did not suit a standard cell. They gave her her weapons back, setting them on a side table. She had a window, a bath, and her own communicator. They even gave her books to read and a place to stretch and meditate. Yet the door still locked. She was locked in her own privacy, kept silent until such a time as she was needed. But now she could open the door instead of having it opened on her.

It was a benefit to the room. It was a benefit Kylo Ren had within his own quarters. His suite was larger, it was his space, it was quitter than any other. No one came in or left without his knowledge. Nothing moved without his knowing about it.

He'd seen her put just down the hall from him. He did not care if they saw her leave his quarters. He did not care what the gossips said. Hux would have a word or two no doubt, but they were unimportant musings.

Ailsa stared at his armor, the suit lain out so neatly and so readily at hand. The helmet of Vader sat on the table, set across from a chair as if it might offer knowledge and guidance.

"What?" Kylo asked from behind her, an arm snaking over her waist beneath the sheets. "You said you were exhausted."

Ailsa half smiled at that. "Now you are exhausted too."

"You are hard work."

"Am I? Have you been practicing on others to make sure you get it right?"

He scoffed. "Do you want to know the answer to that?"

"Not at all." Came the honest reply. "Why? Do you want to ask me the same thing?"

"Yes. And I want the answer."

"You are getting neither. It is not important."

"I want to know."

"Why?"

"So I can kill him."

"Who said it was a him? And who said you got a say over what I got up to in the last decade?"

Kylo watched as she turned to hover half above him, twisting to lay on her side and peer down upon his face. She'd vented more in the last short while with him than any training session could have accomplished, and yet she still had not told him the truth. She still felt like she had bottled so much inside, like there was a wealth of sensation aimed at him that neither might survive. This was easier. Distance was easy, close proximity allowed for blindness.

"I thought you hated me." His face seemed vulnerable for a split second.

"I did." Ailsa confessed. "For a long time. You murdered me."

"I murdered Ben too."

"Maybe."

Silence.

"What is this then? Was this a mistake?"

"This doesn't have to be anything."

"It is always something."

"Ailsa, shut up."

"Don't tell me to shut up. It's rude."

"Ailsa…"

"Don't. And please don't ask me about my feelings." She sat up, hand in her hair, eyes peering about the gloom of the room. The lights were set for mid-evening, the day having waned away. "Like you said – this doesn't have to be anything."

It had just sort of…happened. Much like the first time, all had been driven by instinct, connection steering the way. This time, unlike the first, it had been so primal and desperate. Each hungered for the other but continued to starve through the meal.

Ailsa felt a shiver in her limbs as he ran his fingers up the ridge of her spine. "We're leaving in the morning. First thing."

"Yes, Sir."

"If you cross me…"

"I wont."

"Good."

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading. I hope you're enjoying the story! The change in dynamic between Kylo and Ailsa is something I enjoy writing. What they had was really good, and now it is rather...unhealthy. Let me know what you think; constructive criticism is always welcome.  
_


	17. Chapter 16

Searching for the map became and all-consuming focus for Kylo Ren. He was overly focused on finding Skywalker; on locating his uncle, his mentor, and removing him from the universe. Ailsa followed his orders, but not without question. He seemed to dislike that a great deal – for the past decade he had been feared and respected, and yet along came this ghost from his past who offered him respect but who took the risk of questioning him, of doubting him. In a way it kept him on his toes, it made him sharper; perhaps that was exactly what Snoke wanted. Perhaps the aim was to make Kylo Ren better by bringing someone to his side who knew him more than anyone else and could read him like a book. Yet, all he had to do to shut Ailsa off was put on his helmet. She could not read the mask. She still did not know what to do with it.

He kept her close, making her essentially an assistant, keeping her as near as a shadow. He did not know if she would betray him, just as he had done to her all those years ago. He did not know if she would tell The Resistance of his work, or whomever she had worked for in their years apart.

The more time Ailsa spent by Kylo Ren the more she saw snippets of Ben in him. Mostly in private. There was the way he ran his hand through his hair, how he clenched his jaw, the way he dressed. Old habits die hard, and it seemed that Ben Solo had clung on in tiny ways. It made her sad but also so hopeful. Perhaps this was still Ben under a different name; a lost boy, or rather a soul under the influence of some great force. Snoke had him in his grasp, had him wound to the idea of power and ability. Yet Snoke did not help Kylo Ren develop a more mature style of fighting. He remained a loose cannon; wielding strength and ability in equal measure but not possessing the poise and distinction of a Jedi or Sith Lord. He was neither. He was a Knight of his own order.

Ailsa found that he let her into his life a little more with each day, letting his guard down a bit. Hux hated her all the while. He pretended she was not there, and when he did have to acknowledge the Skylander he did not call her by her name. He gave her a once-over and called her a 'pet', or simply 'girl'. Kylo did not seem to notice, or rather, he did not seem to mind. Ailsa had tried to kill Hux at one point, so a degree of mistrust was very well warranted. She could very easily still be on board to complete her task.

It soon came time to follow leads closely regarding Skywalker and his presence. A map was starting to take shape, piece by piece coming together. Ailsa was sent to a jungle planet to retrieve information. The air there had been so thick, the humidity of the place insufferable. Yet, inside the below-ground bunkers sat a world of coolness, of underground caverns and lakes, waterfalls that tumbled from the surface and looked as if they were falling from the sky itself.

The woman was there with Kylo, The First Order still not trusting her to go out alone. He drew stares wherever he went, his mask and black attire making him stand out. He had given her new clothes; black like his with a cape and hood of grey to shield her head despite the heat. Ailsa did not keep the hood up, preferring to blend in by moving in plain sight. They would remember Kylo. They may not remember her.

He entered a private residence on the planet, moving in without warning and forcing the door open. All was silent inside despite The Force indicating that there may be life within the walls. They were hiding. Kylo was quick to pull a man from within the closet, lifting him with The Force and setting him in a chair, holding him down without touching him.

"What do you know of Skywalker?" He asked. So blunt. So lacking in finesse. Ailsa wondered why she was there if he was to do the brunt of the work. The man was trembling, unable to speak for his terror.

The woman lifted a hand to her commander to indicate that she might like to take over; that results may occur if a finer touch was involved. The stranger seemed to sag in relief as the pressure of The Force was lifted from him. Ailsa moved to stand before him. She felt her clothing; felt the blackness, the darkness, the way her pale skin seemed to stand out so starkly against her attire. She must have looked intimidating despite her size. She did not like it.

"You have children." Ailsa stated, gaze flitting about the home. A few toys lay here and there, plates for more than one sitting on the table, clothes laying around that would not fit a grown man. "They are here. I will not touch them, but…it is up to you what they see done here today. They could see you cooperate with us, or they could something else entirely. It is up to you."

The man looked from Kylo's masked face to the woman before him. His eyes were wild. He was a supporter of The Resistance no doubt. One side or the other. It was always one side or the other. Always absolutes. Never the middle ground.

"Look." Ailsa stared at the cupboard where the man had been hiding before bringing her gaze to him. "Look at me. They're scared already. You made them hide. No doubt someone spotted us coming and ran to tell you, and you all rushed up to hide. There is still food in the oven cooking. It'll burn soon. Tell us what you know of Skywalker, and you can have your meal and sleep in your own bed tonight. Don't tell us…"

He broke at that. Family man. Family men were easy. They were protectors of their castle, and the moment you breeched their walls they crumbled down. Their home was their treasure; leave it in tact and they'd offer you whatever else they had.

Ailsa was guided to a secret safe hidden under the floor. A drive was hidden there; another piece of the map. The woman handed it to Kylo and encouraged the man to his feet. She looked at him, eye to eye, and spoke in a level tone. "Tell no one of this. Whoever informed you of our arrival – tell them that we simply came to pass along a message. That message is that you are to cut ties with The Resistance. We will find you if you do not."

He nodded, fingers shaking. Ailsa smoothed his jacket in an idle manner before glancing into the house. "Enjoy your meal." She finished before heading for the door.

Kylo Ren turned is lightsaber on. It hissed to life and he went to strike the man down. Ailsa wanted to stop him; she wanted to step in and block his blow with her own weapon. If she did she would be exposing herself, her words undone with the man and his family in a single second. Strife between the pair from The First Order would be seen. That image was a hard one to build. People believed in stories. You had to make sure such things were believable.

The red blade stopped just short of the man's throat, the glow singing the hairs on his head and his whole face quivering. Kylo Ren looked to Ailsa. She stood at the doorway and watched him, wondering what he might do next.

"Not a word." He stated to the man, weapon closing. He'd tested her. He wanted to see what she'd do.

They left quickly, moving into the planet and toward their ship with a trained deftness.

"You were going to kill him." Ailsa stated flatly. "Why?"

"What use is he now?" The mask distorted his voice, made him sound less like a man.

"Wars are not won by death. They are one with information." The woman replied as she stepped aboard their ship. "You can cut down as many as you like; there will always be more. Make they talk and say what you want them to say – the Resistance grows weak, people stop believing in their power, and soon you can just pluck what you like."

The door to the craft shut and Kylo's helmet came off. He stood there and watched the planet begin to drop away as they lifted from the surface. "You think you know more of war than me? I have been training for this since…"

"So have I." She cut him off. "I have been trained for this since they discovered I was Force Sensitive. You don't have to kill everything."

"What is the problem with killing? You cant save everyone."

"I wont murder everyone either. Wiping out anything that believes differently to you is not the answer."

"So you think what was done at the Jedi Temple was barbaric? You think it primitive?"

"I think you believe it was necessary." Ailsa replied heavily. "I do not think it was necessary to kill an unarmed man in a far off corner of the universe."

"It is amusing that you thought it up to you."

The woman was quiet for a moment, moving to sit near a window as they launched into space and headed for Kylo Ren's main ship. "Do you think what you did… _that_ night was barbaric?" She glanced at him. "Do you think it was awful?"  
"I know you think it was." He moved to set his helmet down, leaning on the wall beside the window and staring at the same view.

"That isn't what I asked."

Kylo Ren was silent. "Everyone dies, Ailsa. What The First Order is doing is…I will finish what Vader started."

Darth Vader had killed the padawns at the Jedi Temple too. He had slaughtered them in a similar manner. "You do not have to be your grandfather." Ailsa mentioned. "This is not the same universe as the one he lived in."

"I will make it the universe he wanted."

"And you think The First Order will do that?"

"Yes."

The woman exhaled slowly.

"What?" Kylo raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing. Nothing. I think…I am glad you let me do it my way today. Thank you." She knew that saying too much would not result in anything. "I know…I know you could easily have done it in the manner you decided. But you let me have a go. You could have pulled the information from that man's mind, but you didn't."

He said nothing.

"I appreciate it. I believe that my…skills are effective. I think you can use them."

"I am using them. I am using you."

Ailsa nodded. "I know."

"This isn't fun and games, Ailsa. This isn't training anymore. This is the real deal. This is what you do now. You work for me. You are one of _my_ knights."

"I know."

"I will not treat you any differently to them. I will not expect anything differently to what I expect from them."

"I know."

"So why don't I believe you?"

"Because you know that…you know that I know you in a way that they do not. You know that, of all of your knights, I am the one you can trust the most. You do not send me away to work solo because you do not trust me; you keep me near because you want me near."

"And because I want to know who you worked for."

"Find out. Its in my head."

"Don't." He stated bluntly.

"There are secrets in this universe for a reason. I just so happen to be good at learning them."

"Hmm."

"Kylo." Ailsa stood and faced him, her approach private and personal "You know me like no one ever has, and I know you. We were made for this, you and I."

"What? Each other?"

"No. No, no. For this universe, for this time. Some people are just born in a time and space…we were made for it."

"To do what?"  
"Are you really asking that? You seem to be the most sure about what you were born for."

"I want to hear it from you."

"You wont hear what you want to hear from me."

"I know."

She studied his face, learned his expression. She had not seen that expression before. Ailsa raised a hand to sit upon his collar. "Seas have roared between us. There is a space there and we both look upon it and do not know what to do. But I can still see you, and you can still see me. And I can see you because you are not in complete darkness yet. The light clings to you. You fight it, but it clings hard."

Kylo turned his head to look at her hand, to study her fingers for a moment. "And what do I do to bring about the darkness?"

"I don't know." She confessed. "But if you do bring it about…you'll never see me again. I am tied to both sides, and if you cannot see the light anymore – you'll no longer be able to see half of me."

"But I'll have the other half."

"Half is not enough for you."

"Come to the Dark Side, Ailsa. There doesn't have to be a gap. Join me."

"I have joined you, but not them." She swallowed. "You know that I need both to live. I must have balance, Ren. It is the core of who I am."

"The First Order will bring balance."

"Maybe, but you will not have it yourself."

Kylo Ren let out a sigh. He hit the wall with sudden anger, no noise coming from him. Ailsa's eyes closed, jaw tight as she heard the thud of his fist. He was so angry. He was driven by so much passion, so much hurt, so much rage. He heard the truth and he lashed out at it, striking at it until there was nothing left and he could shape his own belief.

Ailsa took his hand, taking it from where it sat hard upon the wall. There was a dent on the inside of the ship, The Force he had used having reverberated up the wall and shaken the entire craft. She took his hand and felt his pulse beneath his glove. She pulled the leather from his skin and examined his flesh. He was completely unharmed, but she set her lips to his palm all the same.

"You don't walk this past alone, but if I am to come along – I am bringing a light."

"You must not." He stated angrily. "I forbid it."

"You can't forbid it. Ignore it, shun it, but where I go – it goes. If you want all black, you have the wrong person at your side."

"I _need_ you." He hissed. He didn't need her to function. He didn't need her to live. He needed her simply to remember that he wasn't just a machine. He needed her to feel his full power; to feel the extent of being human.

"Okay." Ailsa nodded. "Okay."

"Learn to walk in the darkness. I will teach you."

"I will teach you of the shadows, but light is needed for that."

"We have no need of shadows."

"War is made up of grey, Kylo."

"People are not. I am not."

"No. No you're not."

" Do not speak to me of the light. Do not tell me of it. I do not want it in my life."

"Understood."

He let out a huff and retrieved the new information from his clothes. He left her and set the device on a console, sending the intel to The Star Killer Base and to his own ship.

"Jakku." He stated without meaning. "That is where we are to go next. Jakku."

Ailsa examined the map that lifted before them, watching it, committing it to memory. "Jakku? There is nothing there but sand."

"Sand hides a lot of things. It hid my uncle as a child, it may hide him now as an old man."

"Okay." She did not know what she would do when they found Skywalker. She did not know what would be done when Kylo found him. She just knew that she would be there. She had to be there.

"Okay." Ailsa reiterated. "Jakku."

"Don't let me down." Kylo stated fiercely, intent upon the woman, his mood shifting so suddenly now that he had a new focal point. Jakku. His uncle. The end of all this. "Do _not_ disappoint me."

* * *

 _A/N: So we are about to jump right into TFA plotlines now. I hope you're enjoying the story so far! Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!  
I also apologise if posting has been a bit slow. Unfortunately, I have lost someone near to me to illness, and while writing is a great escape - it has been hard to get the time. _


	18. Chapter 17

"What are you thinking about?"

"Skye."

"What about it?"

"The grey air, the white gulls, the way the wind was always cold…"

"You shouldn't hold onto such things. They'll just pass away."

Ailsa looked to the man beside her. His eyes were closed, the dark light about them casting strange shadows upon his features. She turned on the mattress, pressing her stomach into the surface and wrapping her arms beneath the pillow beneath her head.

"I think it's so sad that you believe that. Everything dies, but that does not mean it should not live."

He opened an eye at her, smile a little crooked. "I have nothing holding me back."

"And nothing to keep your warm."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Am I just a large heater then?"

"Don't be stupid. You're quite small."

Ailsa let out a single breath of a laugh. Sometimes the man she knew appeared in tiny fragments, in little quips and in odd smiles. It gave her hope, and it gave her something to hold onto. Maybe that was why she stayed; to see if he could survive, to see if Ben lived. His name became a blur now, the line between Ben and Kylo waning into nothingness. She didn't know what she believed. She didn't know what she felt. She just…hoped.

"Don't you miss Skye?"

Kylo shook his head a little. "No. It was cold and very salty."

"I thought you were made of tougher stuff than that. You hate the cold and you hate sand."

"Speaking of – I expect you to be at my side on Jakku."

"To do what exactly?"

"To watch. That is what ghosts do, don't they? They watch?"

"And they haunt people."

"I don't need you to haunt anyone yet."

"I've been haunting you for years."

Kylo was silent. He turned his head to Ailsa, her eyes now closed and her face framed by dark hair. She reminded him of the sea; always changing, yet always the same. Vast, a mystery, and yet so familiar all at once. His fingers found a bruise he'd left on the back of her shoulder during training, her skin there stained dark. He could feel The Force in her blood pulsing around the mark, he could feel it in her heartbeat. She'd been so silent for so long, and now she was louder than she had ever been – more powerful, more confident, more able.

"You know, if you weren't a Force User you'd have made an excellent assassin for The First Order." Kylo mused.

"I've done assassinations, but very rarely. Kill one to benefit the many."

"I can't imagine you doing that."

"I know." She'd wanted him to know, wanted to see his reaction. "Even after I was sent to kill Hux, you still never quite grasped that. We've all killed, Kylo. I've just been…I still feel it. It stings every time. That is how I was trained. They say it helps ward off the dark; that bright spark of pain keeps us grey."

"The Grey Jedi…" He let out a sigh. "They are still a myth."

"Good."

He stared at her face, her expression soft and her defenses down. Just like old times. The memory of his time as Ben rose up violently only to be shoved back, the conflict in him eternal, the motion providing power and confusion all at once. He was restless in his heart, he was unstable. Unstable and so full of strength. Snoke wanted to give him direction, but he also wanted to give him conflict. Kylo would not stray from The Dark. He had been well indoctrinated. A little shadow of a girl could not tear him from that.

"I can take whatever I want. I don't want what is I your head." He said the word so flatly, his gaze suddenly eye to eye with hers.

Ailsa propped herself up a bit to watch him. "Is that why you haven't had a poke around? Is that really why?"

"It is the truth."

"You were always a terrible liar."

"Which is why you should know it is the truth."

"You do not wish to know of secret orders, Grey Jedi, and silent ghosts wandering the universe?"

"I know of those things. You are proof of them."

"Hux wants more."

"Hux can go fuck himself."

Ailsa let out a laugh at that, smile bright and lopsided, hair falling over her face as the sound escaped her. "Fine. Fine. I believe you."

"You're a terrible liar too."  
"Better than you are."

"Okay." He shifted as he lay there. "Okay, time for you to go. We leave first thing."

"I trust you will unlock my room."

"Someone will."

"Good."

-.-.-.-.-

It made sense that they had a comfort in each other, regardless of how unhealthy it was. When it came to The First Order, that was all there was. Only in the pauses were they together. Only when they were together could Ailsa think of Ben and of the past and of the way his face still moved in the same way.

She stood beside Kylo Ren as they waited to leave for Jakku, standing upon the ship and both dressed for battle. He had his mask on, and she had been tailored in black leather and fitted attire designed to let her move. The clothing got darker each time she was given it, the hue more black than before. Ailsa noticed this but said nothing. She peered out from grey eyes, standing somewhat back from her new commander. She had become his right hand. Whether or not that was intentional was up for debate, but wherever he went – she was there like a shadow. She was watching him, and he watched her with the same intensity. He was waiting for her to betray him. He was waiting for a move.

And she was waiting to see if he would come back to life. She was waiting to see who he would become.

"You know your mission." Kylo stated from behind that mask. "The Troopers will do their work."

Below them on the loading deck stood a unit of Storm Troopers, all armed and mobilized.

"If anything out of the ordinary happens – I will see it."

"If you do not – I will know."

"If I don't see it, or if I don't tell you."

He turned his head to her. "Both."

Ailsa met the visor of his mask with her gaze. She nodded. It was hard; she was still very much under the thumb of The First Order, but at the same time, at least she had some wiggle room to move around. Did she have any intention to return to that nameless place floating in the universe? To return to a life of invisibility? No. No, Ailsa knew that for certain. She wanted to be grey, but she could not be invisible. Invisibility was too lonely. It had hurt. It had ached. She only knew that now that she was experiencing something else. She did not know what it was, only that it was better than before.

The life she had lived after being pulled from the temple was painful. She had trained, she had grown, and she had been fed light and dark. She had become a good fighter, skilled, silent. She had been shaped. Yet, never had she felt more like herself than she had with Ben Solo. Ailsa missed that. She missed training to be the best, rather than to be what was expected of her. With The First Order, at least that was what he was doing for her. That was what was happening – Kylo knew that forcing the First Order doctrine upon Ailsa would not work. She would rebut him with as much force as he applied. So he just showed her his power. He showed her the shadows. She clasped his hand and stayed in the light, but she peered after him and did not let go.

The pair entered the craft to the ground together, following the X-Wings and landing craft to emerge once the town was on fire. Tents burned, citizens ran amongst the smoke.

The air was thick with humidity. It seemed to hold the screams a bit longer. It seemed to make the terror linger.

It was chaos. The last time Ailsa had been so involved in such a scene was back at the temple. It took her breath away, it set her instinct alight. They had not prepared her for this. Everything else, but not this. She stood upon the sand and stared at everything, her contact with The Force tense and anxious. She felt them. The light, the dark, the uncertainty. Uncertainty…For a moment she lost her ability to breathe, mind reeling, body light. She felt as if she'd be sick. She felt cold all of a sudden, chilled, gasping for air, surrounded by pain and water.

Her gaze settled upon Storm Trooper. She watched him. He was marked with blood, and he stood as she did – doing little else. The gunfire broke her sight away from his, the flames rising between them.

Ailsa blinked and turned to her mission. Luke Skywalker. He could not be felt anywhere, he could not be sensed. Yet something…some trace…

Ailsa turned her head toward the sensation. Kylo noted the movement and looked after her gaze. She settled upon a stranger, a man with a gun pointed right at them. He opened fire, the shot hissing and angry. It was stopped mid air, caught in The Force. The woman blinked at such a thing; no Jedi that she knew of had been able to catch a shot in the air. Deflect them, duck beneath them, ward them off with lightsabers. Yet there it hung, the light angry and aimed but held tightly and unmoving.

The man was brought before Kylo Ren. He was full of light; he beamed with it. With wit, with brightness, with potential. Ailsa moved to stand beside her commander as she stared at him. Their eyes met. He was no longer looking at a visor, but at the face beside it. At the girl. Poe Dameron. She had not really cared for his name, she did not know if she had been told it.

"He knows." Ailsa mentioned to Kylo, the rest of the world fading away a little more. The man's face tensed at her words. "Skywalker. He knows."

That was all the confirmation Kylo needed. He would have made the order anyway; he could feel it too. But to have her voice in his ear, to have the words of another Force User; that made a difference.

"Go with him." Ren mentioned, turning to order the Storm Troopers.

The next order he gave made her blood run cold. It was too easy. It made her remember exactly what had happened at The Temple. How easy it was for him to command death. How easy it was for him to remove life. To remove light.

Ailsa turned from it all, gaze back on the ships as the sound of gunfire renewed itself. She entered the ship with the man, a small group of Troopers with them. He was bound, he was tied up, and he was exhausted. What had just happened – it was exhausting.

He watched the woman closely, he wanted to know who she was; what she was to The First Order, what she was to Kylo Ren. Ailsa stayed near to him, her lightsabers both on full display.

"So…what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

He was charming, she'd give him that. He was scared too – she could feel it. Ailsa turned to him. "Don't be too quick with your tongue; Kylo Ren will loosen it well enough soon. Try not to motivate him more than you have to."

"Is that a threat, or a warning?"

"It is whatever delivers the greatest effect."

"So you're his…well, I suppose you must like the mask."

Ailsa did not say anything to him in response. She hated the mask. Loathed it. She hated when he wore it; it felt like he was hiding. Ailsa was attuned to emotion, to what The Force read of the mind. He could read minds, she could feel _something_. Her heart was racing from the sound of the gunfire, from the burning scent. She felt overwhelmed by it, and the words of a captive were not ideal. He was nice. He was kind. He was a man people would love and fall in love with. And now…now he would die without his secrets.

The door opened and Kylo entered, ordering the prisoner to be taken to a holding cell. He looked at Ailsa and dismissed all else. He stood alone with her as the ship took off, watching silently. He did not remove the mask. "Your heart is racing."

"Yeah." She exhaled. "I don't like the heat. I think I've got sand everywhere. It itches."

"Don't lie to me."

"You hate sand too."

"This isn't about the heat. What did you see?"

"Nothing. That man has what you want; the rest is…I don't know. I was overwhelmed."

"By what?"

"Memories."

"Memories of what?"

"You know."

"Don't be weak. Don't be so weak. You're letting this hold you back. It as a moment of triumph for me and a moment of survival for you. Let it be a strength. Embrace it."

"How dare you." Ailsa stated flatly. "How dare you? You know what happened that night. You know what you did."

"Yes I do."

"You have not trained me to embrace it."

"I should not have to, it is not my pain."

"But is my power not yours now too?" Ailsa ran a hand through her hair. She stood before him in all her vulnerability, in all her experience, and with all the anger and betrayal she clung to. "This is all of your making."  
He stepped to her, standing above the woman. "Good. I'm glad you acknowledge it now."

She shook her head with an exhalation. "I belong to no one, you know that."

"You may not, but your skills do. They belonged to Skye, then to The Jedi, then to that nameless shape that made you so stubborn, and now…to me."

"So I am to be traded around and used?"

"Is it not better than being dead?"

She was silent. She was still reeling, still aching.

"Return to your quarters. Clean up. Rest up. When I need you, you will know."

"I know."

"Good."

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought - constructive criticism is more than welcome._

 _I apologise for being AWOL. Life has been very busy lately. I will be getting my hands on the TFA film ASAP so I can better write to the exact plot line. Let me know if you want to see anything specific!_


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